Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

[101]

2 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Unsure how common this one will he but I suspect reasonably so, to some degree or another.

Just under the surface jealousy. Local delivery lassie goes to the same gym as me. She mentioned this to my wife. I didnt because it literally doesnt matter. I have spoken to the lassie once, in order to avoid an awkward "I know you from somewhere" type moment.

Now the wife is giving it "aw look it's your wee burd at the door" type chat. Shes sort of trying to put it across jokingly, but theres an undercurrent there, and tbqh, it leaves me seething.

This type of thing in general boils my piss.

Get her pumped ffs.

[JamesP_81]

" i was driving past that wee baby clothes shop on the way home and noticed it was having a sale so I popped in for a look. 40% off everything! It's great I saved £70."

No, you mean you just spent £100.

[Hedgecutter]

Walked through the front door having been out all afternoon and as I'm heading up for a piss straight away, she insists on running / barging past to get in first, assuming that she is more desperate than I am.  However, following a shout of "Oh no! No toilet paper!" straight after she ran in, I take her dash to the under-stairs cupboard as the opportune moment to waltz into the bathroom, lock the door and enjoy a five star urination.  I would normally class it as a four star tbh, but the deserved cries of "nooooooo!!!" from the landing definitely push it over the rating threshold.  Karma.  

 

[Busta Nut]

3 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Unsure how common this one will he but I suspect reasonably so, to some degree or another.

Just under the surface jealousy. Local delivery lassie goes to the same gym as me. She mentioned this to my wife. I didnt because it literally doesnt matter. I have spoken to the lassie once, in order to avoid an awkward "I know you from somewhere" type moment.

Now the wife is giving it "aw look it's your wee burd at the door" type chat. Shes sort of trying to put it across jokingly, but theres an undercurrent there, and tbqh, it leaves me seething.

This type of thing in general boils my piss.

Adding to the "get her pumped" next time she brings a curry.

6 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

Walked through the front door having been out all afternoon and as I'm heading up for a piss straight away, she insists on running / barging past to get in first, assuming that she is more desperate than I am.  However, following a shout of "Oh no! No toilet paper!" straight after she ran in, I take her dash to the under-stairs cupboard as the opportune moment to slowly waltz into the bathroom, lock the door and enjoy a five star urination.  I would normally class it as a four star, but the deserved cries of "nooooooo!!!" from the landing definitely push it over the rating threshold.  Karma.  

Just piss in the sink next time.

[Torpar]

Complains she never has time to eat as the baby needs her attention, spends the time the baby is sleeping on Tik Tok or some similar pish

[Busta Nut]

4 minutes ago, Torpar said:

Complains she never has time to eat as the baby needs her attention, spends the time the baby is sleeping on Tik Tok or some similar pish

I am getting bits like this. 
Complains the baby takes up all her time. Then nothing gets done. When I am about to watch the baby she spends all her time replying to texts or initiating chat with her pals.

[Shotgun]

On 21/12/2020 at 10:41, Sergeant Wilson said:

My line in the sand is garden centres.

She suggests going to them when we don't need anything, just for a look, maybe a coffee.

Will I fück, unless actually need something. Garden centres are not a destination.

A mate of mine wasn’t too long back from is honeymoon when he realised he and his wife were driving to the Garden Centre for the second consecutive Sunday. He turned the car around and drove back home. Much to the fury of his new bride. 
 

I remember him telling us about it and using the phrase “Line in the Sand”. 

[BFTD]

6 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Unsure how common this one will he but I suspect reasonably so, to some degree or another.

Just under the surface jealousy. Local delivery lassie goes to the same gym as me. She mentioned this to my wife. I didnt because it literally doesnt matter. I have spoken to the lassie once, in order to avoid an awkward "I know you from somewhere" type moment.

Now the wife is giving it "aw look it's your wee burd at the door" type chat. Shes sort of trying to put it across jokingly, but theres an undercurrent there, and tbqh, it leaves me seething.

This type of thing in general boils my piss.

Yep. The wife pissed me off with that a few years back when I ended up working alone with a young girl not long out of school. She knows I find auld c***s that go sniffing about youngsters to be creepy as f**k so, after a few "lay off, she's young enough to be my daughter" comments, I snapped and told her that, not only was I not interested in her, she was insulting the girl by implying she'd have the bad taste to want anything to do with me.

Apparently this is not an acceptable comment to make to one's spouse.

[Stellaboz]

3 minutes ago, BFTD said:

Yep. The wife pissed me off with that a few years back when I ended up working alone with a young girl not long out of school. She knows I find auld c***s that go sniffing about youngsters to be creepy as f**k so, after a few "lay off, she's young enough to be my daughter" comments, I snapped and told her that, not only was I not interested in her, she was insulting the girl by implying she'd have the bad taste to want anything to do with me.

Apparently this is not an acceptable comment to make to one's spouse.

Don't worry, I'd be interested in you babez x

[BFTD]

4 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

Don't worry, I'd be interested in you babez x

I'm guessing you're pished enough that you're anybody's tonight  

[Stellaboz]

Just now, BFTD said:

I'm guessing you're pished enough that you're anybody's tonight  

[Stellaboz]

Yes

[Derry Alli]

17 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Unsure how common this one will he but I suspect reasonably so, to some degree or another.

Just under the surface jealousy. Local delivery lassie goes to the same gym as me. She mentioned this to my wife. I didnt because it literally doesnt matter. I have spoken to the lassie once, in order to avoid an awkward "I know you from somewhere" type moment.

Now the wife is giving it "aw look it's your wee burd at the door" type chat. Shes sort of trying to put it across jokingly, but theres an undercurrent there, and tbqh, it leaves me seething.

This type of thing in general boils my piss.

Start jumping up at the window and wagging your tail any time she comes to the door. 

[18May1991]

17 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Unsure how common this one will he but I suspect reasonably so, to some degree or another.

Just under the surface jealousy. Local delivery lassie goes to the same gym as me. She mentioned this to my wife. I didnt because it literally doesnt matter. I have spoken to the lassie once, in order to avoid an awkward "I know you from somewhere" type moment.

Now the wife is giving it "aw look it's your wee burd at the door" type chat. Shes sort of trying to put it across jokingly, but theres an undercurrent there, and tbqh, it leaves me seething.

This type of thing in general boils my piss.

I’m thinking this is very common as I had to endure such an event only yesterday. 
 

me: having  just returned from the supermarket with two large bags of shopping “just met the new neighbour outside, she was handing in a Christmas card with her baby. She’s seems quite friendly”

her:  “is she attractive then? Do you fancy her?” (In a ‘jokey’ way)

me: “the neighbour or the baby?” (Inappropriate, but this was irritating me, almost instantly)

her: “haha. Not funny. What does she look like?”

me: “actually, she looks like your friend XXXX I thought it was her at first”.

her: “oh, so you fancy XXXX then?” (Slightly less jokingly and clearly starting to get annoyed)

me: sigh. “Away and have a look for yourself. I’ve the shopping to unpack and you clearly have nothing better to do”

Cue blissful stony silence for an hour or two. 

 

[TheScarf]

I think women across the board with every bloke across the board is a mad shagger and pumping the whole street.

[mathematics]

Mrs Mathematics does the “oh look, there’s your burd” routine, but only when she sees really fat or ugly people.

She is also wont to replace “burd” for “mum”, but then again, I am from Killie.

[Florentine_Pogen]

Mrs Mathematics does the “oh look, there’s your burd” routine, but only when she sees really fat or ugly people.
She is also wont to replace “burd” for “mum”, but then again, I am from Killie.

The above, coupled with Mrs. Maths 'interesting' taste in home decor leads me to believe you could be a good bet for the 2021 Dead Pool.

[Shandon Par]

6 minutes ago, Florentine_Pogen said:

48 minutes ago, mathematics said:

Mrs Mathematics does the “oh look, there’s your burd” routine, but only when she sees really fat or ugly people.
She is also wont to replace “burd” for “mum”, but then again, I am from Killie.

The above, coupled with Mrs. Maths 'interesting' taste in home decor leads me to believe you could be a good bet for the 2021 Dead Pool.

Mathematics was turned into a fetching mask and dressing gown ages ago. Mrs just posts from his account now and again so nobody notices his disappearance.

[hk blues]

3 hours ago, Mr. Alli said:

Start jumping up at the window and wagging your tail any time she comes to the door. 

I'd also add licking your balls for extra effect.  

[Florentine_Pogen]

Mathematics was turned into a fetching mask and dressing gown ages ago. Mrs just posts from his account now and again so nobody notices his disappearance.

Strange. I've just finished reading 'Red Dragon' and I wouldn't be surprised if Mrs. Maths is some kind of distaff Tooth Fairy doppelganger.