Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

[thomas]

11 hours ago, FK1Bairn said:

Moans the house is cold, take a walk around the house and she's got windows and all the internal doors open, is dressed in a short sleeved top and no socks..

 

Her ability to switch lights on is amazing, even at 11am when the sun's streaming in the windows. Her ability to switch the same lights off when finished in rooms on the other hand...

I could have written that word for word about my wife.

[WhiteRoseKillie]

I could have written that word for word about my wife.

Seconded, and I don't think we're alone..

[Gaz FFC]

12 hours ago, FK1Bairn said:

Moans the house is cold, take a walk around the house and she's got windows and all the internal doors open, is dressed in a short sleeved top and no socks..

 

Her ability to switch lights on is amazing, even at 11am when the sun's streaming in the windows. Her ability to switch the same lights off when finished in rooms on the other hand...

The lights I wander round switching off is phenomenal.

She had 2 lamps and the Xmas tree on the other day just to look at her phone on the couch.

[TheScarf]

It's definitely a woman thing, not turning lights off.  I get home from work first and the house is lit up as if there was someone in every room.

[The_Kincardine]

On 03/12/2020 at 22:27, BC17 said:

Mine does this. Says something she believes to be correct. I disagree. This goes on a wee while. I go and find the information that proves I'm right. She comes out with "you always have to be right". Well yes, because I am right!

We had a new flex on this last night.  The Kiwi I see went off to NZ this morning to see her parents for Xmas and New Year but is back in January and would like a few Kiwi friends for her birthday and, last night, asked me to buy a capon to roast.

Me:  They are hard to come by as they are illegal to raise in the UK but I think you can buy them from France.
Her:  It's just a big choock.
Me:  No.  It's a castrated cockerel.
Her:  No.  It's just a chook.  Let me show you...

....some time later...OK so you won the argument but that doesn't mean that you're right...

Edited December 8, 2020 by The_Kincardine

[Archie McSquackle]

Excuse my ignorance but why? Are they supposed to be tastier than a normal chicken? What difference does removing their knackers make? Is that even right- I didn't think birds even had baws (if you know what I mean).

[Florentine_Pogen]

Mrs. FP was charged to pick up 4 turnips from the supermarket. (Long story, don't ask.....) I mentioned to her that I had seen tumshies in the local Lidl the other day, they were quite small (hence 4) and they were 49p each. So far, so good you may think............... 

Never, ever,  discount the female American mind, dear reader...........

Phone rings.....it is the light of my life.....

Me - "Hello, darling, what's up ?"

Her - "I take it swedes are turnips ?"  (The reply here should have been "Of course they are, they married Kinky, hahahahahahaha")

Me - "Yes, that is correct, a swede is a turnip." (Let's not get into the minutiae of root crops)

Her - "Well, these are 80p and they are huge !"

Me - "Well, if they are big, just get two. What does "huge " mean ? Are they as big as your head ?"

Her - "No, they are like a big old bowl."

Me - "Whit ? I have no idea what you are on about."

Her - "I am in Sainsburys, they are huge, I'll send you a pic..." She then hangs up on me.

A few seconds later, phone pings, there's a pic of a tumshie, in isolation, all on it's own. I still have no idea of how big it is.

Cue lots of tumshie jokes from the P&B sarky squad which I can show her later.

 

 

 

[Manifesto]

I thought a swede was "not" a turnip

[Rugster]

7 minutes ago, Manifesto said:

I thought a swede was "not" a turnip

It’s not, you’re correct. 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

This thread has gone to f**k. Swedes aren’t turnips and you can get capons in the butcher. 

[Florentine_Pogen]

34 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

This thread has gone to f**k. Swedes aren’t turnips and you can get capons in the butcher. 

Aye, just you keep wittering on about concrete, green breeks and mushroom suppers, you f*cking deviant.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

Just now, Florentine_Pogen said:

Aye, just you keep wittering on about concrete, green breeks and mushroom suppers, you f*cking deviant.

Shut it, neep.

[Derry Alli]

2 hours ago, Archie McSquackle said:

Is that even right- I didn't think birds even had baws 

You'd have so much fun in Thailand. 

[greendot]

On 06/12/2020 at 11:30, 101 said:

 

Have you two married 10 year olds? Seems extremely mental behaviour for an adult to not understand the current situation

 

Women's logic

[Florentine_Pogen]

Shut it, neep.

Right, ya bass..... 12 Ruel Street..... Bring yer tup........ [emoji231][emoji207]

[Boo Khaki]

Typical rectangular block of cheese. Lends itself to being easily and neatly cut with any decent knife.

No. After she's been at it, it invariably ends up looking like someone has tried to hack it to death with a soup ladle. 

[Busta Nut]

[jimbaxters]

When going out for a walk in the rain, my suggestion of taking an umbrella each is met with a statement along the lines of,"No, it's nice walking together under the brolly". This then means that she is hanging on to my arm pulling me down as she is much shorter, with both of us getting soaked on the "outer arm". Also, any shopping items which may be accrued ("may"..pffft!) also have to go on the conjoined inside arm. Never happier to get in the hoose.

Of course all of this wouldn't be an issue if she would just be content to stay in if it's raining.

[RH33]

1 hour ago, Boo Khaki said:

Typical rectangular block of cheese. Lends itself to being easily and neatly cut with any decent knife.

No. After she's been at it, it invariably ends up looking like someone has tried to hack it to death with a soup ladle. 

If not grating, use a potato peeler get strips off the block.

[mathematics]

7 minutes ago, RH33 said:

If not grating, use a potato peeler get strips off the block.