KnightswoodBear Posted October 19, 2020 Share Posted October 19, 2020 6 minutes ago, BC17 said: Puts the toilet roll on facing away from the toilet. Absolutely sickening behaviour. No judge in the land would convict you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmouth Strikes Again Posted October 19, 2020 Share Posted October 19, 2020 21 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said: You be careful! He'd escape somehow, don't worry about that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Me, changing my daughter's shitey nappy, going fucking mental: "It's fucking impossible to get just one wipe out at a time, you end up with about ten at a time!!" My wife, who has fucked out of changing said shitey nappy again: "You're just not doing it right, look...(proceeds to literally pull out every wipe in the pack)....That's your fault because you didn't do it right in the first place. Me, listening to my increasingly deranged internal monologue: "We could bury her in the woods, they'd never find her" Me, involuntary laughing out loud : "ha!" Her: "The f**k are you laughing at?" 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Aldo Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Obviously we're both working from home at the moment. Her job involves a lot of meetings etc. which can mean that she can often have a couple of hours a day free in between said meetings.Yesterday was one of those days where, in between meetings, she chose to lie on the couch and watch shite daytime telly. Later on I watched the football then decided to head up to bed once it finished. Around about 10pm and, for reasons I'm still not sure of, she decided she would clean and tidy the fucking kitchen. After about half an hour of pots clattering and cupboard doors banging I went downstairs to politely ask what in the name of f**k she was doing tidying the kitchen at half 10 at night when she had any number of hours during the day to do it.So far she's not spoke to me today. Kitchen is clean though. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Me, changing my daughter's shitey nappy, going fucking mental: "It's fucking impossible to get just one wipe out at a time, you end up with about ten at a time!!" My wife, who has fucked out of changing said shitey nappy again: "You're just not doing it right, look...(proceeds to literally pull out every wipe in the pack)....That's your fault because you didn't do it right in the first place. Me, listening to my increasingly deranged internal monologue: "We could bury her in the woods, they'd never find her" Me, involuntary laughing out loud : "ha!" Her: "The f**k are you laughing at?" I like your mental laugh. It reminded me of Jeremy from Peep Show. But in your Mrs's defence here her theory is correct even if her application is lacking. For a shitty nappy you always prepare a handful of wipes to save you trying to fish them out one by one with one hand. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
die hard doonhamer Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 1 minute ago, 19QOS19 said: I like your mental laugh. It reminded me of Jeremy from Peep Show. But in your Mrs's defence here her theory is correct even if her application is lacking. For a shitty nappy you always prepare a handful of wipes to save you trying to fish them out one by one with one hand. I was typing pretty much this out when your post popped up. Pull 3 wipes out before you take the nappy off. If I need more then I wedge the pack under my knee as it provides enough pressure so that just 1 wipes comes away at a time (this presumes you aren't using a changing table, and are just using a changing mat on the floor). 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 5 minutes ago, 19QOS19 said: I like your mental laugh. It reminded me of Jeremy from Peep Show. But in your Mrs's defence here her theory is correct even if her application is lacking. For a shitty nappy you always prepare a handful of wipes to save you trying to fish them out one by one with one hand. 1 minute ago, die hard doonhamer said: I was typing pretty much this out when your post popped up. Pull 3 wipes out before you take the nappy off. If I need more then I wedge the pack under my knee as it provides enough pressure so that just 1 wipes comes away at a time (this presumes you aren't using a changing table, and are just using a changing mat on the floor). You'd think that by child 3 I'd have this mastered, but here we are. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
die hard doonhamer Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 1 minute ago, KnightswoodBear said: You'd think that by child 3 I'd have this mastered, but here we are. To be fair, I think it has taken me until child 3 to get there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy Shaker Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) Her morning routine is a nightmare. No one can do this accidentally, it's got to be deliberate. Alarm set for 0615hrs, yet twenty minutes later she's still lying in bed looking at Instagram, before going 'woah! Is that the time?' and acting surprised, despite having the time in front of her face for the guts of half an hour. Naturally this delay means she hasn't the time to do things she knows she should have done last night, like sorting her dinner out, meaning she's to do it in a rush and leaves the kitchen looking like a tip. Should it be a day when I'm up at the same time, she demonstrates that she's incapable of getting ready for the day on her own with requests for help with minor tasks that take longer to issue to me than to actually do herself, which I can only imagine is her way of mentally taking control of the situation. All followed by the daily attempts to unlock the door from the inside then lock it from the outside, which - to someone who stayed up til half four in the morning watching the Eagles v Giants game and who is struggling to get back to sleep/stay awake upstairs - sounds a lot like someone's trying to hurriedly break into the house because they've seen smoke coming out one of the windows. Every fucking working morning, this. Edited October 23, 2020 by Jimmy Shaker 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deanburn Dave Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Jimmy, put a tent in the garden and sleep in it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy Shaker Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Just now, Deanburn Dave said: Jimmy, put a tent in the garden and sleep in it. If I'd cleared out the shed as planned at some point in the past six months, I'd already be happily living in it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) 6 hours and counting its been like this. Not even fucking anything in it. Edited October 23, 2020 by Melanius Mullarkey 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 2 hours ago, Jimmy Shaker said: to someone who stayed up til half four in the morning watching the Eagles v Giants game Every fucking working morning, this. Serves you right. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmouth Strikes Again Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 4 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: 6 hours and counting its been like this. Not even fucking thing in it. You've missed out 'any' in your rage quote, don't blame you though. Thank you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 6 hours and counting its been like this. Not even fucking thing in it. What washing up liquid do you use? I'm impressed the bubbles are still there after 6 hours. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 3 hours ago, Ron Aldo said: Obviously we're both working from home at the moment. Her job involves a lot of meetings etc. which can mean that she can often have a couple of hours a day free in between said meetings. Yesterday was one of those days where, in between meetings, she chose to lie on the couch and watch shite daytime telly. Later on I watched the football then decided to head up to bed once it finished. Around about 10pm and, for reasons I'm still not sure of, she decided she would clean and tidy the fucking kitchen. After about half an hour of pots clattering and cupboard doors banging I went downstairs to politely ask what in the name of f**k she was doing tidying the kitchen at half 10 at night when she had any number of hours during the day to do it. So far she's not spoke to me today. Kitchen is clean though. Win, win imho. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 30 minutes ago, Bigmouth Strikes Again said: You've missed out 'any' in your rage quote, don't blame you though. Thank you. Thanks. I’ve calmed down and edited it. Thank you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 13 minutes ago, 19QOS19 said: 36 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: 6 hours and counting its been like this. Not even fucking thing in it. What washing up liquid do you use? I'm impressed the bubbles are still there after 6 hours. f**k knows. I can only assume she’s been back in, poured some in and give it a quick stir. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distant Doonhamer Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Me, changing my daughter's shitey nappy, going fucking mental: "It's fucking impossible to get just one wipe out at a time, you end up with about ten at a time!!" My wife, who has fucked out of changing said shitey nappy again: "You're just not doing it right, look...(proceeds to literally pull out every wipe in the pack)....That's your fault because you didn't do it right in the first place. Me, listening to my increasingly deranged internal monologue: "We could bury her in the woods, they'd never find her" Me, involuntary laughing out loud : "ha!" Her: "The f**k are you laughing at?" Who’s being buried in the woods here? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 2 hours ago, MixuFruit said: Brethren. CLANG!!!CLATTER!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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