Florentine_Pogen Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 3 hours ago, Gaz FFC said: I get 50 questions whenever she's telling me a story. Made even more annoying when I've got a forkful of food in my mouth. Most of these questions were from tipping point or the chase just to add to the drama. This is a common occurence. I refuse to speak whilst masticating as there is nothing worse than looking into a cement mixer full of mince, tatties and carrots. Ever since we met she has known this is one of my pet hates. She still insists on trying to have a conversation though. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 5 hours ago, WhiteRoseKillie said: We've just been gathering quotes for a new wood floor (living room) and carpet (stairs/top landing) Mrs WRK did the measurements. "I measured last time, then the man came round to check them". "Oh, right - you mean he came to measure properly" - cue major huff from the delightful Mrs WRK. Anyway, we got to the first shop, and she unfolded the paper she'd written the measurements on. Could have been a football pitch or a tea tray, depending on which set of units of measurement you actually used. Fortunately, I'd quietly got the laser measurer out before we left, and still had the quote for the last time the stairs were done. Did I get any thanks for making the experience easier? Did I fúck. This is a woman who almost signed up for a floor for our previous conservatory. She asked me how big it was, so I (old-school) replied, "twelve by ten". She then got a quote for over two grand (!) for a laminate floor fitting, and asked me if that was reasonable. Are you married to my mum? Par Jr told me her granny (my mum) had taken her to a carpet shop one day. Like Mrs WRK, she unfolded her bit of paper in the shop with her requirements. She asked for a 10 metre by 12 metre rug. Sales person got quite a bollocking for trying to tell her she had possibly made a mistake with her measurements. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 3 hours ago, The Moonster said: Me: I'll be there for 1pm Her: Okay, text me when you're leaving. Me: Why? Her: So I know when you'll get here. Me: I'll be there for 1pm. *Me, arriving at 1pm* Me: That's me here. Her: I'll be two minutes, not ready yet. That'll be woman minutes... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 7 hours ago, Dee Man said: Was it Neil Buchanan? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 Uses one of my good Beer glasses to drink milk out of. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busta Nut Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 13 hours ago, philpy said: "guess who I saw today??" I don't know, just fucking tell me. See when I get this shite, I start saying fucking stupid things in reply. It stops her being so vague and daft for about 2 weeks then I start again. I also get "There's xxxxx(insert random burds name) text me to say she's fell out with/looking for a/ going to/ want to know" etc. When I ask who xxxx is it's usually some c**t she works with whom I have never met and on the odd occasion she mentions a name I know I learned not to assume it's one of her friends I know as it is often not then it generally confuses the f**k out of me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MONKMAN Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Busta Nut said: I also get "There's xxxxx(insert random burds name) text me to say she's fell out with/looking for a/ going to/ want to know" etc. When I ask who xxxx is it's usually some c**t she works with whom I have never met and on the odd occasion she mentions a name I know I learned not to assume it's one of her friends I know as it is often not then it generally confuses the f**k out of me. This happens on a regular basis with me. I don't know a single one of her colleagues, or ever want to meet them for that matter, yet she'll fire into a conversation about these people as if they're my best friends and I'm expected to know everything about them. I had one recently that went along the lines of... Her - Nicola (random name as I cant actually remember the real one) thinks her husband is definitely cheating. Me - Who's Nicola? Her - You know the girl at work Me - No Her - Yes you do...... Her husband is an engineer on cruise ships and works away for months at a time Me - I vaguely remember you mentioning something about it (I don't) I then get some big spiel about how this guy has been going out on the drink with the crew when they're docked, something he never used to do, and how he keeps appearing with some random girl from the ship in photos etc Then she's went through his phone and found dodgy messages from said girl. After a minute or two of hearing all about it, I get the; Her - you don't care do you? Me - Not really, but she shouldn't be going through his phone Her - you're such an arsehole, they've got young kids etc Me - I don't really care Her - If you're going to be like that, I wont bother telling you in future Me - Please don't. At this point she goes in the huff. Edited September 9, 2020 by MONKMAN 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mishtergrolsch Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 18 hours ago, Dee Man said: PM me for seduction techniques, m8. Thanks for the offer. I'll stick to having the one Mrs for now, life is difficult enough with 300 cushions on my bed. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
die hard doonhamer Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 10 hours ago, philpy said: Uses one of my good Beer glasses to drink milk out of. I think this is you being overly precious, tbf. It's a glass, once it's been cleaned you can't tell what's been in it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 15 hours ago, Shandön Par said: Are you married to my mum? Par Jr told me her granny (my mum) had taken her to a carpet shop one day. Like Mrs WRK, she unfolded her bit of paper in the shop with her requirements. She asked for a 10 metre by 12 metre rug. Sales person got quite a bollocking for trying to tell her she had possibly made a mistake with her measurements. My old dear used to regularly think I was “just under 6m tall”. She never did quite grasp the metric system. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: My old dear used to regularly think I was “just under 6m tall”. She never did quite grasp the metric system. You never minded her mentioning your 3 foot cock though did you? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 14 minutes ago, Shandön Par said: You never minded her mentioning your 3 foot cock though did you? In what circumstances might this happen? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 1 minute ago, Sergeant Wilson said: In what circumstances might this happen? Coffee mornings etc. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 59 minutes ago, Shandön Par said: Coffee mornings etc. School Christmas concert etc 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Aldo Posted September 12, 2020 Share Posted September 12, 2020 She's barely moved from the couch the entire week except to eat and go to bed.I fully intended on having a day on the couch and watching the football. She moves for the first time this week and decides to paint the living room. She just got up this morning, went to Homebase for paint and has now turned the house upside down.I can't even go and watch the football from someone else's couch since we're now back in lockdown. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted September 16, 2020 Share Posted September 16, 2020 Pulls hoodie on, and complains of being freezing. Announces she is going to have to put the heating on at 12:46. Leaving for work just before 13:00. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted September 16, 2020 Share Posted September 16, 2020 She's started listening to the Zoe Ball breakfast show. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty It Posted September 16, 2020 Share Posted September 16, 2020 She's started listening to the Zoe Ball breakfast show.How Ball got that gig when ginger pubes left I'll never know, should've been Sara Cox. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted September 16, 2020 Share Posted September 16, 2020 Just now, Empty It said: 12 minutes ago, Mark Connolly said: She's started listening to the Zoe Ball breakfast show. How Ball got that gig when ginger pubes left I'll never know, should've been Sara Cox. She is, and always has been, utterly fucking dreadful 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty It Posted September 16, 2020 Share Posted September 16, 2020 She is, and always has been, utterly fucking dreadfulI'll presume you mean Ball and not your good lady. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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