DavidMccorquodale Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 A good 15 years ago I was living in one of the flats next to the train station in Dalmuir. This pri*k above me on the 15th floor was playing loud music all through the early hours in the morning every second night. When the police were phoned, they would wait till the police turned round the corner and out of the street before they started playing the music again. Started to get sick of it so one morning I done a big diarrhoeay shite into an old pair of boxers I never used and put it through the cu**s letterbox. Don't think I ever heard a peep ever again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I once went to an Ash gig at The Barras about 15 years ago, after the gig I was desperate for a shite so I went down the old Paddy's Market and emptied my bowels. The worst thing about it was I obviously had no toilet roll so had to improvise, thankfully there was a discarded duvet at the scene of the crime, the bad thing was after I had defecated and wiped my arse I realised that I'd shat on a homeless person's sleeping area and also used their blanket to wipe my arse. Not good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoBNob Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 [emoji38] Fucking hell. One night I apparently got up in the middle of the night and pished in the dirty laundry basket in our bedroom, can't remember a thing about it but my wife is pretty certain. Was suitably pished. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebanda's Handyman Services Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 In a taxi one night steaming and felt the spew coming up. Covered my mouth conscious that the taxi driver would have got it down his back and only a wee bit crept through my fingers. Unfortunately my mouth was full. Couple of gulps later it was empty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Possibly not the most disgusting thing as it turned out ok but I like a nice cup of coffee in the morning before I take the dog out. You know how sometimes you get some coffee on the edge of the cup and when you pour the hot water in it sticks to the side of the cup and then onto your hands? Anyway I came back with the dog and like all sensible dog owners I picked up his shit after he was done. When I got home my girlfriend pointed to the brown mark on my finger ( @8MileBU ) and asked what it was. I then said "Its either coffee or dog shite" and licked it only to confirm it was indeed coffee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RadgerTheBadger Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I once went to an Ash gig at The Barras about 15 years ago, after the gig I was desperate for a shite so I went down the old Paddy's Market and emptied my bowels. The worst thing about it was I obviously had no toilet roll so had to improvise, thankfully there was a discarded duvet at the scene of the crime, the bad thing was after I had defecated and wiped my arse I realised that I'd shat on a homeless person's sleeping area and also used their blanket to wipe my arse. Not good. That's one for the shiting stories thread in p&b goldI'll never understand why that got locked. It was one of the funniest things I've ever read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiskychimp Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 This wasn't me but it happened to me. Was pumping a burd on hols and she kept whispering that she was kinky as f**k. Loving the sound of this I'm expecting some proper filth. She climbed off my dick and started edging her pussy up towards my face. She then proceeded to start taking a shit on my chest. I have never moved so fast in my whole life but it wasn't quick enough to avoid the first curl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 13 minutes ago, RadgerTheBadger said: That's one for the shiting stories thread in p&b gold I'll never understand why that got locked. It was one of the funniest things I've ever read Pretty sure I shared my traumatic experience in that thread. Totally agree that the thread is gold but has so much life still in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I've got two dreadful stories from my younger days (still at school), both involving the smoking of "cooncil hash". First one was me - sitting in a mates room that he shared with his big brother. Took a heavy bucket and was choking away as you would expect. However the choking never seemed to stop and I was desperate for a drink. Grabbed the first glass of water I saw and it turned out that was the glass of water that his brother kept his teeth in to keep them wet or something like that. Disgusting once you realise what you've done. Second involves a phenomenon called "can pipes". Basically you turned a can on its side, poked wee holes in it and then smoked through the normal drinking hole. If you know what I mean then you know what I mean. Anyway we had hash this night but no can so we just lifted a can off the ground (bad move and the whole story actually is jakey-ish). Anyway my mate who was the top-man in our crew got to go first and he had a big smoke out of the can. Once he passed it to me I was just about to put my mouth up to it to have a smoke when something caught my eye (it was pretty dark where we were). On further investigation by holding the lighter up to the can it turned out their was a big slug at the very edge of the can and god knows how many more inside. Never been happier to notice something in my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Chlamydia Kid Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Wasn't me that done it so probably irrelevant to the thread but my mate met a lassie on plenty of fish and took her home to his. Lying in bed awake on the morning and she says she has a sore stomach and jumps up to run to his toilet. As she gets out of bed she shat herself. Now he swore on his mums life that there was so much shit came out her that her pants were immediately filled and dropped to the floor by themselves and covered his floor/carpet. He got up and said he was going to the shop to buy milk and by the time he came back she'd done the honourable thing to be fair and cleaned it up and left the house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Chlamydia Kid Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 This wasn't me but it happened to me. Was pumping a burd on hold and she kept whispering that she was kinky as f**k. Loving the sound of this I expecting some proper filth. She climbed off my dick and started edging her pussy up towards my face. She then proceeded to start taking a shit on my chest. I have never moved so fast in my whole life but it wasn't quick enough to avoid the first curl. WTF?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Chlamydia Kid Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 I was doing gardens one summer and whilst strimming some boots garden which was like a jungle I strimmed a dog shite that was buried in the grass and splattered it on me and my mates face. Bit of it landed on my bottom lip as well. Disgusting. Best of it was the trout never even paid us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1320Lichtie Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Going in the home end at Ibrox. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 9 minutes ago, 1320Lichtie said: Going in the home end at Ibrox. Bit brave considering your "leanings" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1320Lichtie Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Bit brave considering your "leanings" It was actually against Celtic... I even clapped when Rangers scored. This was back when I was indifferent about them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 In fact I Remeber waking up in a hotel in Liverpool years ago after a trip to the races with a sore arse and no bank card. Went down the stairs for breakfast and discovered the source of my sore arse/lost bank card when I was faced with a mammoth turd on the carpeted stairs which had my mangled bank card sticking out it like a flake on a 99. Had obviously decided I wasn't going to make it to the room and in the absence of toilet roll had tried to scrape the myself clean with the card. What the f**k. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 "My mangled bank card sticking out it like a flake on a 99" wins the thread so far for me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted January 22, 2017 Author Share Posted January 22, 2017 12 hours ago, Bairnardo said: Once pished in a kettle and switched it on immediately prior to leaving a hotel room. Was setthing about something IIRC At a party once I pished in the kettle and boiled it. I then proceeded to pour it in to glasses and offer them round, claiming it was whisky. Obviously everyone knew it was pish so no one took me up on my kind offer. The party was at a mate's gran's house (he was house sitting or something). I tried to clean the kettle by pouring water and a load of washing up liquid in it then boiling it. That was not successful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 DA - This is why you confuse me some times as you are often the first to pull me up for jake ball behaviour yet you come out with stuff like that. What a seriously disturbing thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 The most disgusting thing DA Baracus has done is to leave a word out of this thread title and not get it sorted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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