Flatline one-liners

[Hillonearth]

I'd forgotten all about this till somebody reminded me recently - years ago I got talking to a burd on a night out who turned out to be French. Things seemed to be progressing assez bien until she told me her first name was Orelie.

Being an arsehole, the first thing I thought to ask her was if she had a sister called Analie, after which things went downhill rapidly.

Any other P&Bers been unable to pass up the temptation of a verbal open goal regardless of the consequences?

 

[DDcups]

This thread has flat lined 

 

[bullywee]

During the opening tutorial group of one of my university semesters the tutor got us doing that whole 'go round the room, tell us your name and a bit about yourself', except prefixed it with asking whether we'd consider ourselves as introverted or extroverted.

This was all well and good, although ultimately pointless as I'm sure most people are more focused on thinking of what they're going to say rather than listening to anyone else. But it gets to me, and in my desperate plight to appear edgy and hilarious, I opened with 'Well I suppose I'd just consider myself perverted, really.' Dropped like a stone. Not even a pity laugh to distract from the reddening of my cheeks or the quickening side glances and awkward coughs of my compatriots.

The tutor left my Ill-advised quip hanging like the stale fart it was for a few moments before ushering on to the next person and leaving me to contemplate that the next three months of tutorials were going to be spent surrounded by people who already thought I was an unfunny, grade-A bell-end.

[Gaz FFC]

I laughed if that helps?

[Grim O'Grady]

Me too.

G-Bo

[mojito]

During the opening tutorial group of one of my university semesters the tutor got us doing that whole 'go round the room, tell us your name and a bit about yourself', except prefixed it with asking whether we'd consider ourselves as introverted or extroverted.

This was all well and good, although ultimately pointless as I'm sure most people are more focused on thinking of what they're going to say rather than listening to anyone else. But it gets to me, and in my desperate plight to appear edgy and hilarious, I opened with 'Well I suppose I'd just consider myself perverted, really.' Dropped like a stone. Not even a pity laugh to distract from the reddening of my cheeks or the quickening side glances and awkward coughs of my compatriots.

The tutor left my Ill-advised quip hanging like the stale fart it was for a few moments before ushering on to the next person and leaving me to contemplate that the next three months of tutorials were going to be spent surrounded by people who already thought I was an unfunny, grade-A bell-end.

Couple of laughs on here and 11 greenies.

I'd say everything worked out in the end for you mate.

[throbber]

One of the first times I met my girlfriends mum and I was still very polite around her and her family we were sitting in on a Friday night and we were watching some pish on tv whilst talking a little bit to break the ice. Once I was feeling a bit more confident there was something on tv about an alarm going off and my girlfriend mentioned for what ever reason that her friend had a rape alarm and they set it off once to see what It was like and the noise was unbearable to which I obviously replied with "I would know, I've heard a good few of them in my time"

I can still picture the cold confused stare of my mother in law to this day.

[Hamish's Passenger]