Jump to content

Prison


Recommended Posts

Imagine being sent down for a few years, you're reassuring yourself that you can do the time and just need to keep the head. You rock up to your cell and find your new cellmate is Grimbo.

You'd last one night before sharpening the end of your toothbrush.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 113
  • Created
  • Last Reply
17 hours ago, RawB93 said:

... and also learnt how to light a fag with a kettle.

So cmon, how? My grandad worked at Polmont btw, taught cobbling as well as being a guard I'm told. Died in the early 60's though, so you probably wouldn't have been introduced. Met a boy who had just escaped from there on the way home from school in Grangemouth once, still in the uniform. Was a bit awestruck so gave him my jacket to cover up. Told him I wouldn't help him nick a car, but suggested London rather than Glasgow would be a better bet if he wanted to lose himself for a while. Got into serious shit for leaving my Gloverall lying around while playing football.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So cmon, how? My grandad worked at Polmont btw, taught cobbling as well as being a guard I'm told. Died in the early 60's though, so you probably wouldn't have been introduced. Met a boy who had just escaped from there on the way home from school in Grangemouth once, still in the uniform. Was a bit awestruck so gave him my jacket to cover up. Told him I wouldn't help him nick a car, but suggested London rather than Glasgow would be a better bet if he wanted to lose himself for a while. Got into serious shit for leaving my Gloverall lying around while playing football.



Ooft! It was something I'd thought about while in there, if it was possible. Would be the ultimate mission and some buzz if you pulled it off. Don't think I could live with the paranoia of being on the run though.
As for the kettle trick - you basically rip the plastic casing off the handle with the power off. Cut two wires, exposing the copper. Roll up some toilet roll into a pencil shape to use as tinder. Turn the power on and flick the wire ends together over the end of the toilet roll and voila - fire.
First time I tried it I set the smoke alarms off : (
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wouldn't it have worked to turn the empty kettle on and hold the cigarette to the element?

Probably being dreadfully naive assuming you actually wanted the fire for tobacco products, right enough...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, RawB93 said:

 


Ooft! It was something I'd thought about while in there, if it was possible. Would be the ultimate mission and some buzz if you pulled it off. Don't think I could live with the paranoia of being on the run though.
As for the kettle trick - you basically rip the plastic casing off the handle with the power off. Cut two wires, exposing the copper. Roll up some toilet roll into a pencil shape to use as tinder. Turn the power on and flick the wire ends together over the end of the toilet roll and voila - fire.
First time I tried it I set the smoke alarms off : (

 

I could read these kind of stories all day long. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 hours ago, RawB93 said:

I've somehow managed to end up in jail 5 times. All before I was 21. Perth and Polmont. I've been stabbed with a biro, sent someone to hospital and also learnt how to light a fag with a kettle. I even got stuck in the digger with someone who had a swastika tattoo on his forehead.
Don't get me wrong, there were times I thought I was as close to hell on earth as possible. But there were other times where I've been crying with laughter, just having pure japes. Honestly, some of the funniest things I have ever seen have been in prison. Especially in Polmont. If you imagine every class clown, every jumped up ned in the country, crammed into one building.
Following on from someone else earlier in the thread r.e. single/double cell - to begin with I'd always want a cell mate. That way you're safe in the knowledge that you know at least one guy there. Someone to talk to, someone to help you get things and hopefully someone to have your back. This was until one guy with scabies, who I had to batter to get moved from my cell, though that's another story. Since then I've always been a single cell man. Everything in its right place - and fucking spotless tae ;)
It was a perversely satisfying experience, though - having your life simplified; systematic. Guaranteed 3 meals a day. Guaranteed fresh milk every morning at 6:30. You've got college/studies and the gym 5 days a week. Had my Jehst and Skinnyman cd's for when I wanted to get my headnod on. When I had little money for fags or toiletries I would sell artwork to get me by. I mean, other than friction between other inmates and anxious thoughts of the outside world/the future - it's a pretty stress-free existence. Everything is set out for you. The framework of a basic life exists for you to ride. And it will be there at the same times every single day.
f**k, I'm almost nostalgic thinking about it..

5 times before you were 21 - that's some going alright. I didn't end up inside until I was 21 and then again when I was 24. Everybody says that Young Offenders jail is worse than normal prison and alot more s**t goes on there. Do you think that's right? How long did you do in the digger? Never ended up in solitary but say that would be pretty rough?

You're dead right about it being a simple,stress free life once you get used to it. When I was in for 18 months by the end of it I had a good routine and everybody knew me and it wasn't so bad. You lose your freedom but you know what your life is like and just get on with it without having to think about it. I kind of got used to the routine.

Getting out after 18 months it felt strange just being able to eat when you like, go to bed when you like and just go for a walk down the shops. Even waking up in the middle of the night and being able to open a door and go to the kitchen or the toilet or make a phone call when you like. People talk about people being institutionalised after prison and it's true. 

 

9 hours ago, Pete Rockwell said:

:thumsup2

Although at this moment in time I don't think I could imagine anything worse I can understand people becoming institutionalised in the prison system.

Genuine question by the way, is it true that male rape isn't much of an issue in UK prisons?

Same with me - never saw it happen. A good few fights and scraps but not rape but it seems to be in every movie and people always ask about it. Sure it goes on the odd time but I didn't see it.

6 hours ago, RawB93 said:

 


Never once heard of it happening. Rape and (to a lesser extent) homosexuality still carries a stigma, in society in general. Anyone in prison for rape/pedophilia/hitting women will have horrible things done to them, just out of principal. That's if they're not already on protection. Although I have heard stories of inmates getting themselves put on the protection wing just so they can attack a beast...




Tony Elliot was his name. According to this article - http://m.eveningtimes.co.uk/news/13225582.7_years_added_to_thug_s_sentence_for_inmate_attack/ - he's from the Isle of Bute :lol: He's an absolute mentalist. He slashed another inmate then wrote him a letter saying 'sorry I didn't kill you'... Can read a bit about him slashing two screws here - http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/prison-attack-by-walking-timebomb-razor-1084838#Bri6rsJYpOYMaltr.97

As for me.. It just wasn't a deterrent. When I was young, the things I did were probably for notoriety. Going to prison only validates that image, as stupid as that sounds to me now. It's almost like a badge of honour. Look at me - I survived Polmont. In fairness to the judicial system, they had exercised all possible alternatives to jail beforehand. When I'm in court for 100+ charges they have to be seen as sending out a message.

 

Yeah when I was young too I was growing up in a rough area and plenty of the lads had been in prison so it was no big deal. It was just something that could happen and it did give you a bit of status. When I went in first I knew a couple of lads from my area and they kept an eye out for me at the start and I got to know their mates. There was another lad from my class there at the same time but there was a lad from my year who was a screw there so that was kind of strange how things ended up. He was actually sound enough to me

1 hour ago, RawB93 said:

 


Ooft! It was something I'd thought about while in there, if it was possible. Would be the ultimate mission and some buzz if you pulled it off. Don't think I could live with the paranoia of being on the run though.
As for the kettle trick - you basically rip the plastic casing off the handle with the power off. Cut two wires, exposing the copper. Roll up some toilet roll into a pencil shape to use as tinder. Turn the power on and flick the wire ends together over the end of the toilet roll and voila - fire.
First time I tried it I set the smoke alarms off : (

 

What was the story with needing the kettle? Were you not allowed smoke or have lighters with it being Young Offenders that you had to do that? I'd given up smoking before going back in for the second time but started again when I was back inside. Nearly everybody smokes in prison

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Never been in the big hoose but got held in some remand/detention centre in Australia for an indeterminate length of time in 2001 after overstaying my 3 month tourist visa by a couple of years. Ended up getting released after 5 days but not having a scooby how long you're being held for was brutal. 

Also ended up getting held in four different cells over three days a few years back after a trip to Tynecastle. Got into bother at the turnstiles, police radioed through and discovered I had a warrant out for my arrest in England for skipping my community service. Got arrested and held overnight in St Leonards police station. Taken to the holding cell at Edinburgh airport the next morning until the English coppers arrived who then marched me through the airport in my handcuffs and put me onto the plane first to sit between them down the front while the other passengers filed onto the plane staring at me wondering what sort of mass murderer they were sharing their plane with. The copper on my right sat reading Harry Potter while the one on my left kept exchanging messages on napkins with one of the air hostesses and ended up pulling her, the jammy b*****d. He told me that all the police had been fighting over the shift on the Saturday night when the fax came through as they would be getting double time to fly to Edinburgh and back and thanked me for my troubles. Nae bather mate. Got flown down to Uxbridge cells for the night then transferred to Uxbridge Magistrates court the next morning to sit in the cells there until my case was called that afternoon. Ended up getting a hefty fine and thrown onto the streets of Uxbridge on Monday afternoon to make my own way back to Scotland. Ended up getting home on Tuesday afternoon in the same gear I'd left the house in on Saturday morning, smelling wonderful no doubt.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, Dee Man said:

Never been in the big hoose but got held in some remand/detention centre in Australia for an indeterminate length of time in 2001 after overstaying my 3 month tourist visa by a couple of years.

:lol:

Did you get any bother this time around with visas?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, banana said:

:lol:

Did you get any bother this time around with visas?

I reckon that was the main reason for our application taking so long. I don't imagine it looked too impressive to the immigration department. All good in the end though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm just having my cup of bromide tea, once you get the taste there's no going back. 

Just kidding I'm sure her majesty's finest prison officers never put anything in the tea? 

G-Bo 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I prefer Prisoner Cell Block H. That's how I imagine prison to be like in Australia. I'm sure Dee Man can confirm this. 

(p.s. on the electricity thing. I'm sure I've posted this before but it's brilliant, so here it is again.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCXHWaJGRAo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Was put in a few child detention centres, but never got prison.

For me not the good, most aggressive times of my life. Either with staff or other inmates. Most of the inmates were just bams, immature or didn't give a f**k. I was slightly different and they knew it...
No a good experience.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

45 minutes ago, Cardinal Richelieu said:

I prefer Prisoner Cell Block H. That's how I imagine prison to be like in Australia. I'm sure Dee Man can confirm this. 

(p.s. on the electricity thing. I'm sure I've posted this before but it's brilliant, so here it is again.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCXHWaJGRAo

The one I was in in Australia was a weird set up. I got taken to what I thought was my cell but in actual fact was a communal area with a table and chairs - all bolted to the floor -  and a tv, surrounded by about 5 or 6 small cells with thick perspex walls and doors so you were never out of view. Not good for wanking although I don't think having a chug was at the forefront of my mind.

There was a solitary confinement padded cell next door which some nutter kept losing the plot and getting put into despite numerous warnings. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, Dee Man said:

I reckon that was the main reason for our application taking so long. I don't imagine it looked too impressive to the immigration department. All good in the end though.

Did you get officially deported? I was told while getting kicked out of Canada that if if I got deported I could only get back in by appealing directly to their equivalent of the Home Secretary. Luckily the judge only gave me a departure notice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 hours ago, Matt30 said:

5 times before you were 21 - that's some going alright. I didn't end up inside until I was 21 and then again when I was 24. Everybody says that Young Offenders jail is worse than normal prison and alot more s**t goes on there. Do you think that's right? How long did you do in the digger? Never ended up in solitary but say that would be pretty rough?

You're dead right about it being a simple,stress free life once you get used to it. When I was in for 18 months by the end of it I had a good routine and everybody knew me and it wasn't so bad. You lose your freedom but you know what your life is like and just get on with it without having to think about it. I kind of got used to the routine.

Getting out after 18 months it felt strange just being able to eat when you like, go to bed when you like and just go for a walk down the shops. Even waking up in the middle of the night and being able to open a door and go to the kitchen or the toilet or make a phone call when you like. People talk about people being institutionalised after prison and it's true. 

 

Same with me - never saw it happen. A good few fights and scraps but not rape but it seems to be in every movie and people always ask about it. Sure it goes on the odd time but I didn't see it.

Yeah when I was young too I was growing up in a rough area and plenty of the lads had been in prison so it was no big deal. It was just something that could happen and it did give you a bit of status. When I went in first I knew a couple of lads from my area and they kept an eye out for me at the start and I got to know their mates. There was another lad from my class there at the same time but there was a lad from my year who was a screw there so that was kind of strange how things ended up. He was actually sound enough to me

What was the story with needing the kettle? Were you not allowed smoke or have lighters with it being Young Offenders that you had to do that? I'd given up smoking before going back in for the second time but started again when I was back inside. Nearly everybody smokes in prison

I'd definitely agree with that man. In the Con's everyone is mature enough to know that the best way of getting through your sentence is to keep your head down and chill. Obviously fights break out, as you'll know, but it's usually people who've had beef outside and they've been forced to come face to face.

In the YO's, everyone's at the age where they don't know any better and are usually hyper-active wee neds. Putting them in an environment like that can only go one way. One of the things that I hated most about the system was that there were no means of rehabilitating offenders, or at the very least education regarding anti social behaviour. You can't just put someone in a box for X amount of time, exposing them to crime and voilence on a daily basis, then expect them to have learned their lesson. But I digress, that's another topic. I remember reading stats on an article about Polmont being the most voilent jail in Scotland, possibly even UK? I'd been in 4 over my 5 stays and I only started 1 of them. It's very much the unwritten rule that you must stand your ground or else be a bully victim. I'm really not a voilent person but you quickly learn to respond to the slightest bit of cheek with "who the f**k you talking to?". I'm actually laughing reading that back. I was basically a well spoken, good mannered boy undercover as a ned. :lol: Intelligence and empathy are seen as weaknesses by most others - you don't want to stand out. There was actually one or two other boys from Dundee I could have a proper conversation with, along with Alison who was a screw. She was a bit of a tank who could squat 100kg but amongst all the mutant offenders she was like an angel.. 


I was only in the digger for 3 days, so it was effectively like a weekender in police custody. That's when I spoke to that mental swastika guy. He'd been down there for over 9 months and was never gonna get back to the hall. We'd shout to each other through the door and talk about music and all sorts, he even lent me The Clash - Greatest Hits album. But he would not stop talking. Like, he just didn't get when it was time to take a natural break from speaking. So I would ignore him and he would start screaming abuse at me kicking his door, saying I was getting "taken out". Then we'd go back to chatting. 

I was on the pass when I did my sentence so I was serving up the cartons of orange juice and fruit bowls as part of a Sunday brunch. There was a boy from Maryhill who I'd had a scuffle with a couple days before. Screws had broken it up before it got serious and told me I could keep my job if we shook hands and ensured that was the end of it. He'd got his brunch, walked over to where I was sitting and he asked me if there was any apple juice left. Before I could reply, he'd flipped his tray into my face covering me in the contents of a fry up. I'll never forget the feeling of burning hot beans running down my face and neck while we rolled about the hall floor with everyone watching on. Managed to land a few good hits and heard people cheering me on as he was a known arsehole who no-one liked but were feart of him. I heard screws shouting at us to stop while they waited for backup with the riot alarm ringing in the background. At this point though I was running on pure adrenaline. The final punch was like when you see superman punch the ground, causing the surrounding buildings to be thrown in the air. Except superman doesn't then get rugby tackled by two wardens! I had a meeting with the Governor and tried explaining that it was between that or being bullied for the rest of my sentence but he didn't want to know. So it was 3 days in the digger then moved to a different hall.

As for the kettle thing - it was actually in the over 18s bit, we just didn't have a lighter :lol: Though when getting moved from Perth to Polmont (U18s) I had to bank baccy, skins and a lighter... It was certainly an experience, I'll say that much. Another guy who was getting moved with me had used shampoo for lube and it burned his arsehole the whole way there.. Extreme measures, perhaps, but it made me a very rich man for a short while. Tobacco in a normal jail is about double the price, in an U18s you can sell it for up to 5 times as much.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...