Ross. Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Must still be living or you would have had another funeral to go to. Or the court case. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Yeah it was for an elderly lady that lived in a very quiet village. Not sure if that's normal or not tbh. Old ladies like quiet villages so I guess it is. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boostin' Kev Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Another classic from you there Zen Archer. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Sorry, I should have said, we did get fed, and it was quite a good spread. My bone of contention was that the whole gig kicked off before 12 noon, and it was gone 6 before we got our noses in the trough. Something similar to my own experience - I thought I would be back at my work about half two, or three at the latest, particularly as the church was just round the corner. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosser-fae-the-shire Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Last one I was at I got a couple of tough looks for laughing at the purple headed mountain line in All Things Bright and Beautiful. That song was played at a christening I was at and me and my brother were fuckin pissing ourselves. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Turned up late for a funeral. Walking into a packed church when the minister is talking and everyone turns to stare was quite an experience. I'd gave up looking for a parking space and basically abandoned my car so spent the time in the church worried about the car getting towed 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Re: professional mourners - when my gran died, my mum arranged for a cremation, and it was only going to be the two of us at the wee bullshit slidey-curtain ceremony that they put on. I spent the whole thing wondering who the gaggle of old ladies behind us were, and why they were all shooting us daggers when we left the wee chapel. My mum explained about folk who like to turn up at funerals and suchlike, and that they'd all been pissed off when they discovered there wasn't going to be any kind of food laid on afterwards 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 I wasn't kidding about professional mourners. They buy the local paper and scour for folk they vaguely know. Or tag along with someone else going to a funeral for a free scran 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjw Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 I wasn't kidding about professional mourners. They buy the local paper and scour for folk they vaguely know. Or tag along with someone else going to a funeral for a free scran they've always got a knife and fork in their top pocket just in case. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 they've always got a knife and fork in their top pocket just in case. Steak pie.....jackpot 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 For the Falkirk lads on here if you ever get a wake at the Claddhan the scones are outrageously good. They usually come out a wee bit later than the rest of the grub because they're baked fresh and not lying around all day. I may need to murder someone just in the hope the wake is in there 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deadasdillinger Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Was at my mate's gran's funeral the other week and some wee wummin's phone went off behind me. Was nearly for ramming said phone up her arse. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 I wasn't kidding about professional mourners. They buy the local paper and scour for folk they vaguely know. Or tag along with someone else going to a funeral for a free scran I don't retire for a few years yet but I have been thinking about possible pastimes for when I do. Thanks Gaz. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Steak pie.....jackpotMy old man told me about the professional mourners of Chapelhall who would accept nothing less. He heard a couple of them asking for bread to soak up the left over gravy. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 I don't retire for a few years yet but I have been thinking about possible pastimes for when I do. Thanks Gaz. It would be right up your street as you're always fucking greetin on here. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supermik Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 I wasn't kidding about professional mourners. They buy the local paper and scour for folk they vaguely know. Or tag along with someone else going to a funeral for a free scran My daughter used to work as a care assistant. She used to go to so many funerals that we bought her a black "death" hat that she could wear to them all. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 My best mate was literally late for his own funeral. An oil tanker had crashed on the road out to the cremmy at Clydebank. #minter ...yet fitting 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 I don't want a funeral but I have got a steak pie for dinner. <<< #Winning 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Broomhill Ultra Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 Was at my mate's gran's funeral the other week and some wee wummin's phone went off behind me. Was nearly for ramming said phone up her arse. Wow so you pulled her after it? Respect. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black and White Tragic Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 Re: professional mourners - when my gran died, my mum arranged for a cremation, and it was only going to be the two of us at the wee bullshit slidey-curtain ceremony that they put on. I spent the whole thing wondering who the gaggle of old ladies behind us were, and why they were all shooting us daggers when we left the wee chapel. My mum explained about folk who like to turn up at funerals and suchlike, and that they'd all been pissed off when they discovered there wasn't going to be any kind of food laid on afterwards Aye, going to all that trouble with the rollers, make up and dry cleaning to come. When there isn't a big turnout there'll be the disappointment that there will be no spread, and by that time they're stuck with seeing service through. Throwing daggers will be a defence mechanism they have honed to avoid the uncomfortable "so how did you know Aunt Bessie". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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