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Funeral shenanigans


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6 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said:

If the funeral service was held in a church hardly surprising you got a religious w*****.

If it was in a funeral home/crematorium, why employ the services of a minister?

It was in a church, and as such I had no issue with him doing the shitey religious ceremony.

My issue was with him trying to make extra money and furiously questioning my beliefs (or lack of) moments after burying a close family member. 

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9 minutes ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

It was in a church, and as such I had no issue with him doing the shitey religious ceremony.

My issue was with him trying to make extra money and furiously questioning my beliefs (or lack of) moments after burying a close family member. 

That's what ministers do, (not sure about the extra money bit) some are a bit more diplomatic than others. Best just to nod along without committing yourself to anything.

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1 minute ago, Jacksgranda said:

That's what ministers do, (not sure about the extra money bit) some are a bit more diplomatic than others. Best just to nod along without committing yourself to anything.

I don’t really care if it’s just what they do though! If ‘being a rude, inconsiderate c**t’ to people at a really horrible time is ‘what they do’ then they can just f**k off.

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12 hours ago, Tony Ferrino said:

Ashes. Its a new thread, but what do you do with ashes? My Dad died a few months ago and we're wondering where to spread his ashes.

I’m torn on this. Scattering too soon seems unduly heartless but if you don’t they very quickly become a fixture in the home that you can’t bear to part with.

My old boy bided in the utility room cupboard for a year or so until me and the previous Mrs a-p went our separate ways. At that point he was repatriated to my mother’s new house in the cupboard under the stairs where I expect he will continue to reside until such times as we have to deal with her funeral. 

Mrs a-p II’s father has similarly taken up permanent residence in the under stair cupboard in her mother’s house. 

Our first dog’s ashes are halfway up a hill on one of his favourite walks, hellish blizzard when we did it but I was determined he was going before the end of that year and, of course, we had left it to the last possible day. Meant we had the spot to ourselves but equally meant we weren’t for hanging around. We still walk over it every month or so just to check in on him.

The second’s are still up on the bookcase but, again, he’s not getting to stay beyond the end of the year. I think over the Christmas holidays he’ll be going in his favourite burn that he always cooled off in after a decent walk. 

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On 19/10/2021 at 23:14, Zen Archer (Raconteur) said:

I was honoured to do this for my sister, English undertakers had no idea what we were on about and we were gifted cords and cards by a Kirkcaldy undertaker.

See the source image

Cord burns, IMO.

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14 hours ago, Tony Ferrino said:

Ashes. Its a new thread, but what do you do with ashes? My Dad died a few months ago and we're wondering where to spread his ashes.

Sure I've said before but don't spread ashes in the wind otherwise you'll end up like me and inhale your dearly departed and be coughing them back up for days.

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16 minutes ago, 101 said:

Sure I've said before but don't spread ashes in the wind otherwise you'll end up like me and inhale your dearly departed and be coughing them back up for days.

He was from Dundee and I did briefly think about walking out on the road bridge, but the updraught would cause similar problems. He'd also end up in any car with its windows open.

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15 hours ago, Tony Ferrino said:

Ashes. Its a new thread, but what do you do with ashes? My Dad died a few months ago and we're wondering where to spread his ashes.

We sprinkled my Dad's ashes off a footbridge over the river in Inverness, taking note of the wind direction. A couple of jokes about his swimming ability, and at a quiet time of day. Went ok. My sisters got a tree planted for him too, on one of the small islands with walk ways.

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My Stepmother (who I do not get on with in the slightest) called me one day to advise that she'd spread my dad's ashes, without consulting me, out the back door as "he always enjoyed it out there" probably chucked him out when she was emptying the hoover 

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3 hours ago, tamthebam said:

I have to share this classic funeral sketch from the peerless Dave Allen for those young ones who haven't seen it before. 

Automatic greenie for Dave Allen. Didn't even watch to see if it's the sketch I'm assuming it is.

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On 19/10/2021 at 22:00, tamthebam said:

I wonder how much it costs to hire those Nation of Islam looking guys you see carrying the coffin in that meme.

Four of those dudes sashaying into Mortonhall with my box would be fun.

That with the accompanying music sounds the business. Good business idea.

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20 hours ago, Tony Ferrino said:

Ashes. Its a new thread, but what do you do with ashes? My Dad died a few months ago and we're wondering where to spread his ashes.

My father in law's ashes are in a wee mini urn on the shelf of our TV cabinet. My Mrs doesn't want to scatter them. I legitimately apologise to him every time I have to move him for dusting purposes 😂😂

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On 19/10/2021 at 22:46, oaksoft said:

I've told my family that when I die there is to be no funeral and absolutely no reception of any kind.

I've warned them that if they spent a single penny more than absolutely necessary to cremate me and collect the ashes that I'll come back and haunt them for the rest of their lives for being utterly brainless.

You celebrate someone's life with them, while they are still alive. Once they are dead, no amount of guilt-spending on expensive funerals will change the fact that they are gone.

They'll be on the randan for a fortnight 

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2 hours ago, cb_diamond said:

My father in law's ashes are in a wee mini urn on the shelf of our TV cabinet. My Mrs doesn't want to scatter them. I legitimately apologise to him every time I have to move him for dusting purposes 😂😂

As in his daughter should be doing the dusting?

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