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Funeral shenanigans


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5 minutes ago, oaksoft said:

If she's been out of touch for 15 years you are perfectly within your rights not to tell her he's died and certainly well within your rights not to invite her.

My brother-in-law has been out of touch for that period of time and he won't be getting contacted when my wife (his sister) dies.

Sorry, I may not have been clear, her issue is with her Dad she still speaks to her mum and siblings (for whom this is obviously a bit of a problem).

She would definitely be told if he died, and (I may be wrong) I dont think you can stop someone attending a funeral in this country.

These situations are always a fucking mess, just pick up the phone, people......

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Just now, Leith Green said:

Sorry, I may not have been clear, her issue is with her Dad she still speaks to her mum and siblings (for whom this is obviously a bit of a problem).

She would definitely be told if he died, and (I may be wrong) I dont think you can stop someone attending a funeral in this country.

These situations are always a fucking mess, just pick up the phone, people......

Besides, starting a new decades long estrangement to replace one that just finished unresolved may be justified but that doesn't, necessarily, make it wise

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17 minutes ago, oaksoft said:

It doesn't need to be direct pressure.

That industry has carefully built, over countless decades, an expectation of what is socially acceptable practice when someone dies and that includes a full funeral, sandwiches and tea, a "good quality" coffin, a hearse and a host of other things. There's a societal expectation now of what is acceptable and appropriate. It takes a huge amount for someone to say "straight to cremation" because people are conditioned to quite wrongly feel that this is uncaring.

And so, people end up spending more than they need to for fear of being judged by others and also end up going through more stress than needed because more organisation means more opportunities for things to go wrong. On the worst day of your life, instead of thinking about the person you've lost you end up worrying about hearses turning up, caterers turning up, venues being opened up and not double-booked and a whole load of other nonsense.

It is a pretty despicable model, but still not as bad as the ‘Murican version. It’s on steroids over here, with very little acceptance of cremation and even the whole composting/natural movement hasn’t gained much ground here, surprisingly, as it seems tailor-made for appealing to the nuts here.

You would think you shat upon their desk if you say you want to be bunged into a cardboard box, tied with a piece of twine and roasted for a few minutes. The look of disgust and pity they play out is amazingly evocative, followed by the pleas to “consider those wishing to “properly” mourn”, etc, etc. Honestly, most of those wishing to properly mourn are either there for the nibbles and seeing if the old b*****d is really dead, or to be able to say they did the “right thing”. Most couldn’t be arsed if it wasn’t in town, and the rest would probably be just as happy at home. I know the relatives would be happier splitting the cash not spent.

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34 minutes ago, Leith Green said:

Sorry, I may not have been clear, her issue is with her Dad she still speaks to her mum and siblings (for whom this is obviously a bit of a problem).

She would definitely be told if he died, and (I may be wrong) I dont think you can stop someone attending a funeral in this country.

These situations are always a fucking mess, just pick up the phone, people......

"House and church strictly private."

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7 minutes ago, TxRover said:

It is a pretty despicable model, but still not as bad as the ‘Murican version. It’s on steroids over here, with very little acceptance of cremation and even the whole composting/natural movement hasn’t gained much ground here, surprisingly, as it seems tailor-made for appealing to the nuts here.

You would think you shat upon their desk if you say you want to be bunged into a cardboard box, tied with a piece of twine and roasted for a few minutes. The look of disgust and pity they play out is amazingly evocative, followed by the pleas to “consider those wishing to “properly” mourn”, etc, etc. Honestly, most of those wishing to properly mourn are either there for the nibbles and seeing if the old b*****d is really dead, or to be able to say they did the “right thing”. Most couldn’t be arsed if it wasn’t in town, and the rest would probably be just as happy at home. I know the relatives would be happier splitting the cash not spent.

Apparently it varies hugely by state. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_cremation_rate#United_States

Cremation being most popular in Nevada is strange because they've got huge tracts of desert there to put people in.

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4 minutes ago, topcat(The most tip top) said:

Apparently it varies hugely by state. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_cremation_rate#United_States

Cremation being most popular in Nevada is strange because they've got huge tracts of desert there to put people in.

Absolutely, look at the lowest acceptance states…the Bible Belt…it just ain’t right! Here’s the real pisser, they’ll agree to stir fry the deceased, but proceed to pack on a service, a remembrance, a video, a ceremony, a “nicer” coffin (that, incidentally, if you read the agreement, sometimes is rented for the ceremony and not toasted with ol’Joe), etc, etc.

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3 minutes ago, TxRover said:

Absolutely, look at the lowest acceptance states…the Bible Belt…it just ain’t right! Here’s the real pisser, they’ll agree to stir fry the deceased, but proceed to pack on a service, a remembrance, a video, a ceremony, a “nicer” coffin (that, incidentally, if you read the agreement, sometimes is rented for the ceremony and not toasted with ol’Joe), etc, etc.

Mitford.jpg.bf487c58a78c5e44b1558e5a6bd05bd8.jpg

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57 minutes ago, oaksoft said:

It doesn't need to be direct pressure.

That industry has carefully built, over countless decades, an expectation of what is socially acceptable practice when someone dies and that includes a full funeral, sandwiches and tea, a "good quality" coffin, a hearse and a host of other things. There's a societal expectation now of what is acceptable and appropriate. It takes a huge amount for someone to say "straight to cremation" because people are conditioned to quite wrongly feel that this is uncaring.

And so, people end up spending more than they need to for fear of being judged by others and also end up going through more stress than needed because more organisation means more opportunities for things to go wrong. On the worst day of your life, instead of thinking about the person you've lost you end up worrying about hearses turning up, caterers turning up, venues being opened up and not double-booked and a whole load of other nonsense.

Absolutely, I agree. My point was that it's not a big business opportunity up there and isn't the same pressure. 

My dad's already said cheapest way and in the fire please.

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6 minutes ago, oaksoft said:

Might be wrong but I seem to remember cremations being considered a bit "unseemly" in the UK a few decades back as well.

Society is painfully slow to move on things like social norms.

Painfully slow is correct, the process started in the 19th century

Apparently it didn't account for 50% of deaths in Scotland till 1977 , which was a decade later than the same landmark down south. It's still a bit peculiar in Northern Ireland

Source: https://www.cremation.org.uk/progress-of-cremation-united-kingdom

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14 minutes ago, oaksoft said:

Might be wrong but I seem to remember cremations being considered a bit "unseemly" in the UK a few decades back as well.

Society is painfully slow to move on things like social norms.

The cost of plots is a primary driver worldwide toward composting/natural/cremation solutions.

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7 minutes ago, Cosmic Joe said:

We laid my brother to rest yesterday. We got one of the last remaining plots at the cemetery. 

My preference is also to be buried, but then I'm pretty old school regarding things like that. 

Wondering if the use of compactors will be required for those still wishing burial soon.

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