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Funeral shenanigans


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Tombs and crypts are a bit weird. Filing bodies away for some poor c**t to have to deal with generations later. Graveyards are bad enough.

Not sure about here, but I remember reading that graveyards in the US generally get about a hundred years before the land's considered fair game to be excavated and used for other purposes. Anything left gets dug up and dumped in a big hole on cheap land elsewhere. Vaguely remember there being some controversy because the hundred years rule was starting to be whittled away and sometimes folk (poor people, obviously) were living long enough to see the remains of their close family being evicted.

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20 minutes ago, cb_diamond said:

I've told the wife that I've to be cremated and that as the coffin goes away she's to put immigrant song on just so it'll be the big Robert Plant "waheyaaaayaaaa" as the coffin disappears 😂

I hope you didn't stipulate "the waheyaaaayaaaa song". Everyone's going to be shaking it like a polaroid picture while you're burning.

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1 hour ago, BFTD said:

I hope you didn't stipulate "the waheyaaaayaaaa song". Everyone's going to be shaking it like a polaroid picture while you're burning.

Outkast/Zeppelin mash up anyone? TBF the waheyaaaayaaaas from Immigrant Song are a ripoff of Bali Hai from South Pacific so we could also get some show tunes going!

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when my missus mother died we had to go up to Uig on Lewis for the funeral, the cousins from the island came and picked us up the day before the burial to go dig the grave, now i thought they were ripping the pish but nope, up we went and shared the load of digging the grave she was to share with her sister, who was already in there. it was surreal but there was something quite comforting about it that it was all done by family

The actual service was grim as f**k, definitely the most morose service I've ever been at and the female family members including her 3 daughters not being allowed by the graveside was heartbreaking while lowering the coffin.

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Not shenanigans per se.

My late mother, a devout catholic, had her requiem mass in the church that, due to years of progressive illness/age, she had not been able to physically attend as regularly as she would have wanted.  During the sermon itself, il padre barely mentioned her or her devout christianity, but was on a quest to sell and promote the catholic church and his god like he was at a market stall as the Delboy of that parish.  He continued this guff at the graveside and, almost to a man/woman in attendance, he was told afterwards that he had disrespected my mother big time.  He was fortunate that his clobber/uniform/outfit meant that nobody felt the urge to deal with the matter in a manner more than verbally.  Kinda sums up the whole church thang for me, irrespective of denominations or colours. They're all self-preservation (failing miserably) businesses. 

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My dad's mate Jack died suddenly and my dad told me at the funeral the widow, son and daughter were attacked by a wasp on the way into the church.

Dad: "Aye, that'll have been Jack come back for his funeral. He always was an aggressive wee bugger..."

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5 hours ago, Tony Ferrino said:

Ashes. Its a new thread, but what do you do with ashes? My Dad died a few months ago and we're wondering where to spread his ashes.

Maybe pick a tree and scatter the ashes around it? Then it would absorb some of his molecules and you could think of it as "his" tree.

Might want to pick one on land unlikely to be redeveloped, though.

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8 hours ago, Don Diego De la Vega said:

when my missus mother died we had to go up to Uig on Lewis for the funeral, the cousins from the island came and picked us up the day before the burial to go dig the grave, now i thought they were ripping the pish but nope, up we went and shared the load of digging the grave she was to share with her sister, who was already in there. it was surreal but there was something quite comforting about it that it was all done by family

The actual service was grim as f**k, definitely the most morose service I've ever been at and the female family members including her 3 daughters not being allowed by the graveside was heartbreaking while lowering the coffin.

Nothing like a wee free service to make the mold even more depressed!

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9 hours ago, hearthammer said:

Not shenanigans per se.

My late mother, a devout catholic, had her requiem mass in the church that, due to years of progressive illness/age, she had not been able to physically attend as regularly as she would have wanted.  During the sermon itself, il padre barely mentioned her or her devout christianity, but was on a quest to sell and promote the catholic church and his god like he was at a market stall as the Delboy of that parish.  He continued this guff at the graveside and, almost to a man/woman in attendance, he was told afterwards that he had disrespected my mother big time.  He was fortunate that his clobber/uniform/outfit meant that nobody felt the urge to deal with the matter in a manner more than verbally.  Kinda sums up the whole church thang for me, irrespective of denominations or colours. They're all self-preservation (failing miserably) businesses. 

I always felt that was a feature of Roman Catholic services (weddings and funerals in particular) it was all very impersonal. 

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11 hours ago, hearthammer said:

Not shenanigans per se.

My late mother, a devout catholic, had her requiem mass in the church that, due to years of progressive illness/age, she had not been able to physically attend as regularly as she would have wanted.  During the sermon itself, il padre barely mentioned her or her devout christianity, but was on a quest to sell and promote the catholic church and his god like he was at a market stall as the Delboy of that parish.  He continued this guff at the graveside and, almost to a man/woman in attendance, he was told afterwards that he had disrespected my mother big time.  He was fortunate that his clobber/uniform/outfit meant that nobody felt the urge to deal with the matter in a manner more than verbally.  Kinda sums up the whole church thang for me, irrespective of denominations or colours. They're all self-preservation (failing miserably) businesses. 

I had a similar religious w****r doing the service for a grandparent, not quite to the same extent as that one, but w****r nonetheless. 

After the funeral he was speaking to us and found out I was getting married. Spent the next half an hour firstly trying to sell me his services, and then after me saying it would be a humanist wedding, angrily berating the choice I’d made. Just after burying a close family member. Complete piece of shit, and if it wouldn’t have caused a major scene and upset other people, I would have bluntly told him to f**k off.

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47 minutes ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

I had a similar religious w****r doing the service for a grandparent, not quite to the same extent as that one, but w****r nonetheless. 

After the funeral he was speaking to us and found out I was getting married. Spent the next half an hour firstly trying to sell me his services, and then after me saying it would be a humanist wedding, angrily berating the choice I’d made. Just after burying a close family member. Complete piece of shit, and if it wouldn’t have caused a major scene and upset other people, I would have bluntly told him to f**k off.

If the funeral service was held in a church hardly surprising you got a religious w*****.

If it was in a funeral home/crematorium, why employ the services of a minister?

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6 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said:

If the funeral service was held in a church hardly surprising you got a religious w*****.

If it was in a funeral home/crematorium, why employ the services of a minister?

It was in a church, and as such I had no issue with him doing the shitey religious ceremony.

My issue was with him trying to make extra money and furiously questioning my beliefs (or lack of) moments after burying a close family member. 

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9 minutes ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

It was in a church, and as such I had no issue with him doing the shitey religious ceremony.

My issue was with him trying to make extra money and furiously questioning my beliefs (or lack of) moments after burying a close family member. 

That's what ministers do, (not sure about the extra money bit) some are a bit more diplomatic than others. Best just to nod along without committing yourself to anything.

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