Acceptable places and times to shite in public?

[Uncle Psychosis]

I've got Crohns disease. You fuckers with your "never do a shite at the fitba'" don't know you're born.

[The Saintee]

In a field between Stirling and Perth.

[mizfit]

In a field between Stirling and Perth.

That's not a nice thing to call Auchterarder.

[Black and White Tragic]

Just off a nature walkway, when out dogging. I should have bagged it, but the wee doggy bags wouldn't hold that log.

FTFY

[Black and White Tragic]

I've got Crohns disease. You fuckers with your "never do a shite at the fitba'" don't know you're born.

Not a pleasant affliction, I've had it since 1988. Have always managed to avoid having to go at fitba. Have had a few times where I've had to nail the accelerator on the way home though.

[Benjamin_Nevis]

I'd like to recount my experience of shitting on a train about 2 years back. I'd settled in on the Edinburgh to Manchester heap and had just left Carlisle when I got an urgent text from down below that all was not well and I should move my arse. Not keen but this train was an hour from Preston and didn't stop.

I made my way to the nearest bog - out of order. Down to the other end of the train to the "big" toilet. There was a queue - not good news.

Whoever was in there was having their own problems but mine were becoming frantic. I was trying to release pressure but that meant farting with all the risks that posed in terms of this rancid liquid making an early guest appearance. And I had to stay in the queue.

I was on the cusp of no return, tears in my eyes when the door opened. What a fuckin state the place was in. My predecessor had some sort of condition which required the use of much ointment. The sink was full and blocked. Water sluiced out and across the floor with every vibration. Normally this would all have pointed me towards "f**k it I'll hold on" but on this occasion not a f**k was given - albeit there was a queue behind me.

Anyway, I unclenched and released. It was incessant - multiple flushes job in part to try and mitigate the smell. After some minutes I emerged. There were about 4 people waiting to whom I apologised for what was an utter fucking disaster zone before strolling off down the train almost skipping with relief - content that when I got off that train I'd never see any of the poor b*****ds again.

So, shiting on a train is a horrendous experience best avoided. But if it absolutely has to be done, look positively upon the experience. Your clothes are still capable of being worn and you don't need to give a f**k about the next c**t to use the place because they're just collateral damage in the wider scheme of things.

By contrast, I went for a shite in the office yesterday, opened the trap door and was hit by some sort of plague-like smell. I wretched and thought "f**k this for a laugh" before walking straight back out.

That's the difference between choosing to shite in a public place and having to.

 

Magnificent.

[BFTD]

I've got Crohns disease. You fuckers with your "never do a shite at the fitba'" don't know you're born.

 

Commiserations to yourself and BWT. That sounds like a b*****d of a condition. I worked with a fuller-figured lassie who had to go off on the sick for six months when she was diagnosed, and she was like a skeleton by the time we saw her again  

[The Saintee]

Before Highland Spring.

I wouldn't even have a shite in Auchterarder tbh.

[ebbes20silkcut]

I would like to use this thread to publicise the mysterious case of the huntly supporters branch of Aberdeen FC,

On one occasion before I started taking the bus, an incident which resulted in a life ban from the bus took place.

Kenny Hamilton, now no longer on this earth, was the culprit in the ,shit in a shoebox, gate.

The mysterious thing was no one recalls actually seeing him shite in the box,

No one knows for sure that he didn't board tbe bus with the said item,

[Tom Rogic]

Shitting in a lavvie on a train/McDonalds/at the fitba etc is not shitting in public as the thread title asks. These places are toilets and designed for people to shite and pish in.

Shitting in public is going in a field, behind the bins, in a phone box or bus stop etc

Just wanted 2 make that point

[HTG]

Shitting in a lavvie on a train/McDonalds/at the fitba etc is not shitting in public as the thread title asks. These places are toilets and designed for people to shite and pish in.

Shitting in public is going in a field, behind the bins, in a phone box or bus stop etc

Just wanted 2 make that point

You try telling that to the poor c***s sitting outside waiting to get in, listening to the spattering and knowing that they're next up. It's like sitting in a dentist's waiting room whilst the poor b*****d in front of you is screaming the house down. Only worse.

[Bobby Skidmarks]

Shitting in a lavvie on a train/McDonalds/at the fitba etc is not shitting in public as the thread title asks. These places are toilets and designed for people to shite and pish in.

Shitting in public is going in a field, behind the bins, in a phone box or bus stop etc

Just wanted 2 make that point

 

You seem the type to take your kids to McDonalds so you can have a McShite. 

[ebbes20silkcut]

In my line of work shitting in woods, burns, and fields is a daily occurrence.

[welshbairn]

I would like to use this thread to publicise the mysterious case of the huntly supporters branch of Aberdeen FC, On one occasion before I started taking the bus, an incident which resulted in a life ban from the bus took place. Kenny Hamilton, now no longer on this earth, was the culprit in the ,shit in a shoebox, gate. The mysterious thing was no one recalls actually seeing him shite in the box, No one knows for sure that he didn't board tbe bus with the said item,

 

Did he just leave it by his seat while he went for a pish to see if any nosey bstard would open it? Top man if so. I remember a medical student doing a similar thing with a severed foot in a pub.

[Bobby Skidmarks]

In my line of work shitting in woods, burns, and fields is a daily occurrence.

 

So, you're a tramp.

[paranoid android]

In my line of work shitting in woods, burns, and fields is a daily occurrence.

 

Accountant?

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

In my line of work shitting in woods, burns, and fields is a daily occurrence.

 

[welshbairn]

In my line of work shitting in woods, burns, and fields is a daily occurrence.

 

Natalie, Ed and Sally? Do you live in California near a Beverley Hills cemetery? 

[The Chlamydia Kid]

Commiserations to yourself and BWT. That sounds like a b*****d of a condition. I worked with a fuller-figured lassie who had to go off on the sick for six months when she was diagnosed, and she was like a skeleton by the time we saw her again

Is it contagious? And if so- Any chance of introducing her to my missus?

[BFTD]

Is it contagious? And if so- Any chance of introducing her to my missus?

 

Alas, it's genetic, IIRC - the boys who've actually had it will know more. The girl I knew had to have part of her colon/intestines/whatever removed.

 

I'd have thought the constant shitting might put you off, but perhaps that's nothing new