Tom Rogic Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 My ex was a complete psycho, but was tremendous looking so I put up with it for a while. I eventually finished with her at the beginning of summer a few years back, while I was in the process of having a house built. I was riding her on and off for a few months after that but then cut all ties towards the end of the summer as she was getting a bit weird. I eventually got moved into my house in January the following year when it was complete. About a month or two later which was a good 6/7 months after we'd split up, the doorbell rang about 2am one night, confused and half asleep I went down to answer it. There was the ex, half cut standing on my doorstep. She demanded I let her in, at which point I told her to f**k off. She stormed past me straight into the house that she'd never set foot in before, as it wasn't even built when we split up, and proceeded to scream the house down demanding to know what slag I had in there with me checking every room as she went. While this was going on, the taxi that had dropped her off started beeping the horn, so I went over and it turned out she had no money to pay and that I owed him the fare. I told the guy I'd give him £20 if he took her away with him, but she refused to get in the car so the taxi left. I told her there was no way she was staying as I couldn't be doing with the hassle, so I phoned her another taxi while she sat on my couch drinking the remains of a bottle of wine I'd opened earlier in the evening and I went back to bed. A couple of minutes later, my bedroom door opened, light went on and there was standing in the buff. She literally pounced on me, so stupidly and half cut I ended up riding her. BIG MISTAKE. Straight after it she started talking about us getting back together and her moving in...... I quickly explained that it was a mistake and we're both slightly drunk. She spent the next 4 hours locked in my en-suite screaming that she hated me and hoped I'd die. I eventually fell asleep when the screaming stopped, woke up the next morning to find her in bed beside me. She woke up slightly embarrassed, apologised for her behaviour and I gave her a lift home. I never heard from her again after that, apart from one night I seen her out where her dad tried to punch me. Genuinely hee hawed laughing at that. Well played son Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomGuy. Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 All my exes live in Texas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Rogic Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Years ago when I still stayed with my parents a random lassie id pumped once, and it was once, phoned me at 3.00 am threatening to get me stabbed. Most puzzled by this I was, I had bumped into her a week or two previously after about a year gap from our one nighter. She had gone on a uni gap year visit to Venezuala... ...I know.. Venezuala Anyways, turns out she had got drunk in a bar one night where she reckons she was spiked as she awoke in a strange house barely able to move as two guys took turns at firing into her,a genuinely horrific and awful story/experience and I gave her my sympathies and told her to phone me anytime for a chat, someone to talk to etc. I was genuinely being nice and not looking for a return 'visit' ...besides she had to take an HIV test upon cutting her trip short and coming home... ....to pick up the story, her surname was Harrison and some bawbag in the pub that night had drunkenly asked her if HIV stood for Harrison In Venezuala, she assumed I had blabbed about her ordeal (swear on my kids lives to this day I hadnt, although I have now) & therefore made her threatening pished out her face phone call, saw her a few months later where I pleaded my innocence which I seem to recall she grudgingly accepted although she claimed a memory lapse about the bunny boiling phone call. Ten years or so passed and I discovered she had a baby with, and married one of my cousins...I never got an invite to the wedding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olliethedug Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 😒 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy85 Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 I think we can all safely assume none of that happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinkinFighter Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 You need another hobby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomGuy. Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 I believe you magee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Rogic Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 I believe you magee Cant vouch for what went on in Venezuala as I wasnt there mind you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forever_blue Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Oh dear god Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamamafegan Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 All my exes live in Texas A GTA classic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forever_blue Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 A GTA classic I have been through the desert on a horse with no name Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin_Nevis Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 I was with a total bunnyboiler a good few years back. Things only started going wrong when we moved in together, she was ridiculously paranoid and possessive. I'd nip up the road for a round of golf and switch the phone on to find 7 voicemail and 15 texts asking where I was and how long I was going to be, that kind of thing. I got to the stage where I was looking for a justifiable excuse to bin her without looking like a total c**t. One Saturday we were shopping in Dundee, she needed a pair of boots or something. After spending 4 hours wandering around various shops looking for a decent pair of boots for under £30, my patience was wearing thin. Predictably she went back to one of the places we'd been 4 hours previously, decided not to bother then fucked off to a clothes shop and bought two cheap tops. I'd stayed outside for a fag as I was fucking seething by now. She took 45 minutes to buy two fucking tops, during which time I managed to sneak into Ladbrokes and put a fixed odds coupon on. The icing on the cake came when she decided she wanted me to take her round to Matalan to look at more fucking boots. My response was possibly a bit negative and she went mental, eventually stropping with "fine i'll get the fucking bus home". I think this was the point I was expected to cave in. However I was still absolutely seething and replied with "Cool, see you later" and walked off to the car, and fucked off home to watch Soccer Saturday, and my £280 coupon come in. she didn't get home until well after 7pm, having endured a nightmare, packed bus journey with all the shite she'd bought in Matalan and didn't speak to me for 3 days. It was fucking glorious. We split up in the following weeks. It was actually a mutual decision, however she changed her mind and in 4 weeks she'd sent me over 1000 texts. Then the house phone started getting hang up calls. Eventually I texted her threatening to get the cops involved and she stopped. I thought everything had completely blown over, then discovered about a year later she'd been watching my Bebo ( ) account, and anytime I became friends with a bird, she'd added them then mailed them asking how they knew me and was I seeing them When Facebook became a thing she sent me a new Friend request almost monthly. She eventually hooked up with some other poor fucker and left me alone, thank f**k. The final chapter of this clusterfuck came about 3 years ago. She'd been chatting to one of my mates back and forward on Facebook, nothing dodgy, he was just too polite to tell her to go away. Imagine his surprise when she sent him a video of her plunging herself with a vibrator. He showed us it all at another mates wedding, when we were all pished. It was a mixture of horror and hilarity, especially she wheeched the thing out and licked some fairly viscous-looking gusset lard off it. Genuinely horrific. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Rogic Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Oh dear god Not much of a story that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glenn Medeiros Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Quite fancy that bird. I'm gonna give her my sliver tongued chat; she'll be putty in my hands, guys. Hey, what's you surname ? "It's Harrison " As in Harrison in Venezuela, lols ? Or HIV, mega lolz! Let me guess your other mate Alan is in dam square. lolz. Top bantz MaGee #topbantz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forever_blue Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Not much of a story that? I had an ex who lived on the moon..., My story is already more believable than yours Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forever_blue Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 I was with a total bunnyboiler a good few years back. Things only started going wrong when we moved in together, she was ridiculously paranoid and possessive. I'd nip up the road for a round of golf and switch the phone on to find 7 voicemail and 15 texts asking where I was and how long I was going to be, that kind of thing. I got to the stage where I was looking for a justifiable excuse to bin her without looking like a total c**t. One Saturday we were shopping in Dundee, she needed a pair of boots or something. After spending 4 hours wandering around various shops looking for a decent pair of boots for under £30, my patience was wearing thin. Predictably she went back to one of the places we'd been 4 hours previously, decided not to bother then fucked off to a clothes shop and bought two cheap tops. I'd stayed outside for a fag as I was fucking seething by now. She took 45 minutes to buy two fucking tops, during which time I managed to sneak into Ladbrokes and put a fixed odds coupon on. The icing on the cake came when she decided she wanted me to take her round to Matalan to look at more fucking boots. My response was possibly a bit negative and she went mental, eventually stropping with "fine i'll get the fucking bus home". I think this was the point I was expected to cave in. However I was still absolutely seething and replied with "Cool, see you later" and walked off to the car, and fucked off home to watch Soccer Saturday, and my £280 coupon come in. she didn't get home until well after 7pm, having endured a nightmare, packed bus journey with all the shite she'd bought in Matalan and didn't speak to me for 3 days. It was fucking glorious. We split up in the following weeks. It was actually a mutual decision, however she changed her mind and in 4 weeks she'd sent me over 1000 texts. Then the house phone started getting hang up calls. Eventually I texted her threatening to get the cops involved and she stopped. I thought everything had completely blown over, then discovered about a year later she'd been watching my Bebo ( ) account, and anytime I became friends with a bird, she'd added them then mailed them asking how they knew me and was I seeing them When Facebook became a thing she sent me a new Friend request almost monthly. She eventually hooked up with some other poor fucker and left me alone, thank f**k. The final chapter of this clusterfuck came about 3 years ago. She'd been chatting to one of my mates back and forward on Facebook, nothing dodgy, he was just too polite to tell her to go away. Imagine his surprise when she sent him a video of her plunging herself with a vibrator. He showed us it all at another mates wedding, when we were all pished. It was a mixture of horror and hilarity, especially she wheeched the thing out and licked some fairly viscous-looking gusset lard off it. Genuinely horrific. Get the video posted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamamafegan Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Not so much an ex, but a girl I slept with changed her fb profile pic to me and her after we shagged. She wasnt fit, bit filthy (said i could take her up the arse if i had lube but i didnt), nothing more than a one night stand and I didn't want to see her again. When we were about to do the deed she pulled off a WIG to reveal her ragged real hair which was being covered up due to a hair dye disaster. Imagine my face though as I was lying in bed ready and she removes her "hair." I thought she was going to be bald as an egg. Then I met a another girl (who is my current girlfriend of 2 years) and the other girl still had her profile pic as me and her. So that was pretty uncomfortable. I didn't want my new bird seeing this picture and asking me why I'm pictured with this mentalist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Rogic Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 I had an ex Sorry just that bit had me in stitches Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gavin_3110 Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 "Gusset lard" You will be getting a greenie when I'm on the computer Sir, what a wordsmith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin_Nevis Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Get the video posted It was on my mate's phone, which he no longer has (I wouldn't be surprised if he burned the fucking thing) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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