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I lost several girlfriends as I was unable to locate the vagina, also one more than one occasion I fully rolled out the condom before applying it to my penis rather than unrolling it on my penis.

That is not possible. It's like a homing beacon for males whatever age or experience. It's only after a few shots you learn how to do it a bit better.

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Your last point is entirely pertinent and usurps any notion of what 'the talk' used to involve.

Indeed.  For 'modern parents' it's about attitudes and values and consequences rather than mechanics.

 

I lost several girlfriends as I was unable to locate the vagina, also one more than one occasion I fully rolled out the condom before applying it to my penis rather than unrolling it on my penis.

Please just f**k off.  There are plenty of places on the web to try and reenact your masturbatory fantasies.  This isn't one of them.

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We had to watch a rather graphic video of a woman giving birth.

A couple of the class went quite pale.

I remember that video. A guy spewed his load at the end of it from my class,
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We had to watch a rather graphic video of a woman giving birth.

A couple of the class went quite pale.

Apart from not watching it at all, is there such thing as a "non-graphic video of a woman giving birth"?

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When we were at school we got the big build-up to "The Sex Education Film". Letters were sent out to parents and if a consent form wasn't received back, kids had to sit in a separate classroom whilst the rest of our year went into the assembly hall. All the curtains were tightly drawn, a teacher was posted on every door and we received a stern lecture from the Depute Rector to take the film seriously. 

 

The lights went down and I wouldn't be surprised if a few zips did too such had been the build up.

 

What ... a ... load ... of ... keech.

 

Basically, this beardy Swedish guy took his bird for a trip to the beach where they splashed about in the water. He splashed water on her and the next thing you know she's lying in a hospital bed holding a baby with beardy looking dead chuffed with himself. 

 

Clearly the lesson was always wear a condom when going near women in the water. 

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Sex education at our school was "keep away from the janny"

(Copyright Frankie Boyle).

As well as child birth we got a graphic video of abortion. A ginger lad fainted and cracked his head open on table on his way down.

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When I was a kid my parents didn't say a thing to me, there was no school sex education for boys (girls got taken into a special room to watch a film and the boys got told "extra playtime - go play football") and the porn had yellow stars over the cocks and fannies.

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Abiding memory from Perth High is of a wooden toby (lesson about johnnies) being produced from out of a polly bag. Said banger then rolled off the desk and clattered on the floor. Whole class turned to see what the noise was. Inevitable screams and hilarity.

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