Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 'eddiemunster', on 08 Jan 2013 - 22:17, said: The Funk Room at The Arches was always a happy hunting ground for me back in the day. A very healthy ratio of girls to guys meant that I done far better than a big heided wee guy from Motherwell probably should.This particular night my mate and I tanned a couple of swedgers and were in fine form as soon as we arrived. Quick couple of drinks and then into the main arch to tune into the music and do some serious sniffing aboot.Within minutes we were dancing beside, then with a couple of lassies who seemed quite cool. The music and class A's were searing through me and this lassie and I were soon dancing close, then firing into each other in the corner.Very quickly we both decided to bail back to mine in a taxi and went to tell my mate and her pal. My mate gave me a knowing wink and wished me a good night and off we went this lassie and out into the cool night. The pills making everything seem perfect.We were all over each other in the taxi, my hand up her skirt feeling her wet through her knickers and she all but had my cock out, i'm thinking this is fucking brilliant!We stumbled and staggered up the close stairs, still right into each other all the way. Into my flat, bouncing off the walls, tearing our clothes off and bang at it on the floor as soon as we got in. Powered by drugs, drink and a youthful libido I was putting in a fine performance in the missionary position and decided to birl her over for some doggy style. As I did, it was then I saw it for the first time.She had a hump.Oh for f**k sake, an actual fucking hump. It was a different colour from the rest of her back and everything, like a sort of bruisey colour with a texture like scar tissue. I was shagging a hunchback.At that moment I realised the knowing wink my mate had given me. The c**t. He had obviously clocked it, whereas I was too mad with it and horny to see beyond the tits and that, he knew and let me go, no doubt pishing himself laughing.All these mad disgusted thoughts spun round in my drug addled and traumatised brain. I was baw deep in a hunchback, what was I all about? Fucking hell, this is no right.It was then I did what any right thinking man would do, I birled her back over onto her back and just kidded on I hadn't seen it.Through gritted teeth I pounded away at her,trying to erase from my mind the sight that I had just seen. This horror coupled with the drugs meant that I couldn't finish for what felt like hours. I was locked in this death grip with her loving it.Eventually with sweat and fear pouring from every pore I faked an theatrical orgasm, then prayed for sleep.she fell asleep and I lay there awake all night like a stranger in my own bed. At one point she turned over and it touched me, I could do nothing but make a horrified face and edged away till I was hanging out the bed.In the morning I pretended I had to go to work, just to get her out the house. I done a stunt trip to the bus stop and when she was gone I went home, stripped the sheets from the bed and tanned half a bottle of Jim beam.FIN. 'eddiemunster' shags a hunchback: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweaty Morph Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 'eddiemunster', on 08 Jan 2013 - 22:17, said: Absolutely spectacular. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ziggy Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 Got a link to that one? Can mind reading it and crying with laughter. Also showed it to others who were utterly appalled. Same here. I remember my wife asking me what I was laughing at. The look of disgust on her face was different than usual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 The cow whisperer with the hammer "Cow whisperer" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tamdunk Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 All morning I killed cows has to do down as one of pnb's top lines of all time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dominique Malonga Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 On Fracesc Fabregas- I'm sure I remember reading a post where he was watching a fives game between a Chinese team & a Pakistani team and was asked " who's winning?" His reply- "society" Either FF was a quick witted genius, or the poster relaying the story was. I'd like to think it was FF! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dominique Malonga Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 'eddiemunster', on 08 Jan 2013 - 22:17, said: That is 100%, without doubt, the funniest thing I've ever read in my life. "Death grip":lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 No mention of the "Taxidermy looks easy" thread? Just thinking about that thread cheers me up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyle Lanley Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 Mind the cheating thread last year? Sure it was some burd who's a saintee was pretty much arguing with everyone because she admitted to cheating LinK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyle Lanley Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 http://www.pieandbovril.com/forum/index.php/topic/225995-cheating/?hl=cheatingquote name="Gnther" post="10337114" timestamp="1460063989"]Mind the cheating thread last year? Sure it was some burd who's a saintee was pretty much arguing with everyone because she admitted to cheating Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Bairn Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 The thread about getting circumcised was brilliant because the OP coined the phrase "getting off at haymarket" which has gone on to be a fairly well established P&Bism Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 The thread about getting circumcised was brilliant because the OP coined the phrase "getting off at haymarket" which has gone on to be a fairly well established P&Bism 'The Snip' thread rather than vasectomy, no? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LiamDFC Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 Eddiemunter's Humpback of Glasgow story is still, without doubt, the funniest thing I've read on this forum. I cry with laughter every single time I read it. Perfectly written. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 Throbber's (?) reply to Turboshandy of 'you may not be a beast in the eyes of the law but you are to me' Definitely not me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 I thought it was Sweet Pete. Throbber gave the quality post about not shagging his Dad because he was 30 years older than him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 I thought it was Sweet Pete. Throbber gave the quality post about not shagging his Dad because he was 30 years older than him. Ah yes, it had slipped my mind http://www.pieandbovril.com/forum/index.php/topic/220014-age-differences-in-relationships/?hl=+age%20+difference%20+relationships Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 Ha ha, quality from Throbs! I know there are millions of posts on P&B, a lot of them are absolute tripe but for a relatively small (active) membership I'm always amazed at the amount of times I smile, laugh or guffaw at the posts on here. For fear of turning this into a best / funniest poster thread, my happy face is most often invoked by Sweet Pete, Sgt Wilson & Throbber. I also like most posts by our diminutive Fair City friend, TRS, although he seems to have been posting less,recently. Which neatly brings me round to his Strathclyde holiday thread which was brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Worktheshaft Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 Ha ha, quality from Throbs! I know there are millions of posts on P&B, a lot of them are absolute tripe but for a relatively small (active) membership I'm always amazed at the amount of times I smile, laugh or guffaw at the posts on here. For fear of turning this into a best / funniest poster thread, my happy face is most often invoked by Sweet Pete, Sgt Wilson & Throbber. I also like most posts by our diminutive Fair City friend, TRS, although he seems to have been posting less,recently. Which neatly brings me round to his Strathclyde holiday thread which was brilliant. The Strathclyde holiday thread was a wind up, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 No, it was a genuine depiction of his summer break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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