Scary Bear Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 *whoosh* Euphemism? Tidy middle-aged virgins with massive norks who're desperate to give it up. Not the largest of demographics, I'm sure you'll agree. No. Remember Cat Deeley was on that Saturday morning kids programme with Ant and Dec? He mentioned (in jest) putting sleeping gas into the studio, then entering stage left, wearing a gas mask, and sexually molesting oor Cat live on air. Probably to the shock and horror of watching children and the arousal of parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Saints Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 He's actually a really good laugh, intelligent and not ugly. He's now 35 and still a virgin. Has his own house, car and a good job. A real catch if any Highland P&Bers (probably females) want a man to break in. He sounds like a really great guy. How could he possibly still be a virgin?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Saints Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 He mentioned (in jest) putting sleeping gas into the studio, then entering stage left, wearing a gas mask, and sexually molesting oor Cat live on air. Probably to the shock and horror of watching children and the arousal of parents. Oh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 VikingTon nae been on this thread yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozam76 Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 I'm married, does that count as being a born again virgin? I've bought the missus a bottle of wine, neither of us are working tomorrow, I'm in bed, she's watching Greys anatomy in the living room. That will be that then. It seems I post under the name Mr Rational in my spare time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 No. Remember Cat Deeley was on that Saturday morning kids programme with Ant and Dec? He mentioned (in jest) putting sleeping gas into the studio, then entering stage left, wearing a gas mask, and sexually molesting oor Cat live on air. Probably to the shock and horror of watching children and the arousal of parents. Too old to have seen that, I think. That's some fucking story, however. That must have been some uncomfortable silence after he told everyone his plan/fantasy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scary Bear Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Too old to have seen that, I think. That's some fucking story, however. That must have been some uncomfortable silence after he told everyone his plan/fantasy I think I actually laughed and goaded him on to achieve his goal. Sadly he was all talk. That would have been a memorable TV moment. Right up there with 9/11 or the moon landing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Prez Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 This kind of thread is a first for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayia Napa Daz Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Treat your lady like a golf ball on the 18th green. Calm, measured and be delicate and you'll hit the hole within a matter of the smallest of measurements. My older cousin gave me this advice, and since then I literally cannot keep my cock in my pants. For example, before the turn of the year I was romping on average once every 13 months, since the turn of the year I've done the deed 3 times. My friends all look up to me and have nicknamed me Shags and rightly so. After the advice of my cousin I'd class myself as a romp-merchant at a national level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1320Lichtie Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Treat your lady like a golf ball on the 18th green. Calm, measured and be delicate and you'll hit the hole within a matter of the smallest of measurements. My older cousin gave me this advice, and since then I literally cannot keep my cock in my pants. For example, before the turn of the year I was romping on average once every 13 months, since the turn of the year I've done the deed 3 times. My friends all look up to me and have nicknamed me Shags and rightly so. After the advice of my cousin I'd class myself as a romp-merchant at a national level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itzdrk Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Treat your lady like a golf ball on the 18th green. Calm, measured and be delicate and you'll hit the hole within a matter of the smallest of measurements. My older cousin gave me this advice, and since then I literally cannot keep my cock in my pants. For example, before the turn of the year I was romping on average once every 13 months, since the turn of the year I've done the deed 3 times. My friends all look up to me and have nicknamed me Shags and rightly so. After the advice of my cousin I'd class myself as a romp-merchant at a national level. Once a month? Fucking hell mate that's good to see you are allowing the town some recovery time in between leaving the house and the #carnage as all the gushing fanny desperately tries to throw itself at you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Treat your lady like a golf ball on the 18th green. Get your hole, put her back in her place, update your score card and then bugger off to the pub? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Top advice from Livingston's finest. Have you humped anyone other than this cousin yet, Shagz? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1320Lichtie Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Quality when AND comes out with stuff like that, one of the best characters on the site. Always imagine him to be the complete opposite in real life, some middle aged guy with a family and kids that gets bored and likes to live this alternate online reality. That post was superb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ad Lib Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Jim Murphy? So some good came from the referendum. Did you strongly advise her to have sex with you? Is this another Lib-dem sex scandal? Hilarious as these references to Jim Murphy are, 18 months ago I wasn't a Parliamentary candidate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Must have popped his bell pepper with an Arbroathian wanton woman. (Only joking) Could she give him his spring roll as well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scary Bear Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Hilarious as these references to Jim Murphy are, 18 months ago I wasn't a Parliamentary candidate. Reference, singular. Wasn't 18 months ago about the time of the referendum? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ad Lib Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Was she from round your grans bit? No, Northern Ireland actually. Inane piece of trivia, but all three of the women with whom I've had coital relations have been dual citizens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ad Lib Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Reference, singular. Wasn't 18 months ago about the time of the referendum? About a month later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scary Bear Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 About a month later. Good skills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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