throbber Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 That sounds like torture sweet Pete, seriously wrong behaviour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 My next door neighbours have lived there about 6 months, a young studenty couple of about 21. He's a massive nerd who collects pokemon and shit like that and she's got some sick desperate need in her life. For example, she'd met my wife a handful of times when she decided that they were to be firm friends, started telling my two year old son that she loves him and buying him gifts all the time. Seems harmless enough you might think, though perhaps on the forward side, she's maybe just trying a bit too hard to make friends. But you'd be wrong. She's started listening for us coming and going and appearing at her door to welcome us, stop us to chat etc, she's started copying my wife's illnesses, like if she has a sore back, this lassie announces she too has a sore back, or a cold, or a stubbed toe, or whatever. She knows fine what time the boy gets his afternoon nap and when he goes to bed at night, she also knows that her chapping our door sets the dug off barking and wakes the kid during these times, yet she continually does it. Daily. Waits until a time she knows he's asleep and then chaps the door for no fucking reason and says something like "wasn't sure if he'd be asleep, wanted to stop by for a coffee, or to play with him or whatever shite she's thought up". I'm convinced, utterly convinced, that she will try and steal my son, or murder my wife and take her place, or murder me in some twisted plot. I just keep thinking of Hush, or Single White Female or The Hand That Rocks The Cradle etc when she's around. I even called her a cuckoo the other day, but she didn't get the meaning. My wife was trying to get her to leave the other afternoon and said she was putting the wee man down for a nap and as she was tired she would go for a nap too, assuming that the lassie would take the hint and f**k off, but instead, to her utter astonishment, the lassie announced she would just "come for a nap with you two"! She must be stopped. The fucking psycho. This is why neighbours should be ignored other than a brief hello in passing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudolph Hucker Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Try that good old P&B staple, a swift kick in the pie. It may cause offence - but who cares? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 I leave the bins out, and our neighbours bring them in - every week practically without fail. They must sit looking out the window for the bin lorry coming, and it barely has time to get round the corner before they're out the door to get the bins. They don't bring them into the backyard, just leave them at our gate. If for some reason they're not in when the bins are emptied, I'll bring them in and theirs, but that doesn't happen too often. I'm going to have to have a word with them - the bins were emptied this morning and they must have sat for nearly 10 minutes before he came out to take them up the path. I thought I was going to have to chap their door to see if they were still living. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 My next door neighbours have lived there about 6 months, a young studenty couple of about 21. He's a massive nerd who collects pokemon and shit like that and she's got some sick desperate need in her life. For example, she'd met my wife a handful of times when she decided that they were to be firm friends, started telling my two year old son that she loves him and buying him gifts all the time. Seems harmless enough you might think, though perhaps on the forward side, she's maybe just trying a bit too hard to make friends. But you'd be wrong. She's started listening for us coming and going and appearing at her door to welcome us, stop us to chat etc, she's started copying my wife's illnesses, like if she has a sore back, this lassie announces she too has a sore back, or a cold, or a stubbed toe, or whatever. She knows fine what time the boy gets his afternoon nap and when he goes to bed at night, she also knows that her chapping our door sets the dug off barking and wakes the kid during these times, yet she continually does it. Daily. Waits until a time she knows he's asleep and then chaps the door for no fucking reason and says something like "wasn't sure if he'd be asleep, wanted to stop by for a coffee, or to play with him or whatever shite she's thought up". I'm convinced, utterly convinced, that she will try and steal my son, or murder my wife and take her place, or murder me in some twisted plot. I just keep thinking of Hush, or Single White Female or The Hand That Rocks The Cradle etc when she's around. I even called her a cuckoo the other day, but she didn't get the meaning. My wife was trying to get her to leave the other afternoon and said she was putting the wee man down for a nap and as she was tired she would go for a nap too, assuming that the lassie would take the hint and f**k off, but instead, to her utter astonishment, the lassie announced she would just "come for a nap with you two"! She must be stopped. The fucking psycho. I think the sensible option is to ride her and the crushing disappointment of it all will keep her from darkening your door again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Seriously lads, it's nightmarish. I am not exaggerating when I say that I am worred she will pull off some cuckoo shit and try and replace one or both of my son's parents. I've already told my wife of my fears, even goign so far as to say that if she ever tries to imply that I've tried it on with her then it's just a ploy to split us up and begin her devious plans. You may think "hey, great plan, Sweet Pete, you've planted a seed that allows you to try and ride the neighbour without your wife believing her when she points out you're a sleaze", but you'd be wrong. I would not ride this lassie. She has massive tits, yes, but her face is akin to a halloween cake and she is entirely too unhinged for me. Let the record show that when one or both of us has an "accident" that I predicted it would happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deeboy Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 It'll either be your neighbour or Throbber that kills you, IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 My wife was friendly to her when they first moved in, making her a cup of tea on moving day and lending her a drill, that kind of standard friendly neighbour stuff, and that just opened the floodgates for this lassie to latch onto her. I'm much less welcoming, like if she comes to the door I don't let her in and stand in such a way that she can't walk past me, so she tries to time her visits for when she knows I'm out as my wife can never tell anyone to f**k off, not even Jehova's or charity muggers. She's a soft touch so she let's her into the house, then moans to me when I get home that she was in all day getting in the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 My wife was friendly to her when they first moved in, making her a cup of tea on moving day and lending her a drill, that kind of standard friendly neighbour stuff, and that just opened the floodgates for this lassie to latch onto her. I'm much less welcoming, like if she comes to the door I don't let her in and stand in such a way that she can't walk past me, so she tries to time her visits for when she knows I'm out as my wife can never tell anyone to f**k off, not even Jehova's or charity muggers. She's a soft touch so she let's her into the house, then moans to me when I get home that she was in all day getting in the way. Did you ever get the drill back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WILLIEA Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 . She's a soft touch so she let's her into the house, then moans to me when I get home that she was in all day getting in the way. Sounds to me like she's having an affair with your wife who is trying to through you off the scent with the " getting in the way " patter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Did you ever get the drill back? Thankfully, yes. That's the main thing in all of this. It's a cordless and it's quite new. Sounds to me like she's having an affair with your wife who is trying to through you off the scent with the " getting in the way " patter! I've seen my lass elbow deep in another lass before. This bird's not her type. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 My wife was friendly to her when they first moved in, making her a cup of tea on moving day and lending her a drill, that kind of standard friendly neighbour stuff, and that just opened the floodgates for this lassie to latch onto her. I'm much less welcoming, like if she comes to the door I don't let her in and stand in such a way that she can't walk past me, so she tries to time her visits for when she knows I'm out as my wife can never tell anyone to f**k off, not even Jehova's or charity muggers. She's a soft touch so she let's her into the house, then moans to me when I get home that she was in all day getting in the way. Get your wife to make a pass at her. Would that put her off or do you think she would like that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Get your wife to make a pass at her. Would that put her off or do you think she would like that? I think she wants to imitate my bird, so she'd probably make a pass at herself in response, like an inward looking gay mirror. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudolph Hucker Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 I've seen my lass elbow deep in another lass before. This bird's not her type. Is your lass a midwife? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Is your lass a midwife? Countryside veterinarian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 You'll come home from work one day to find her wearing your sons clothes and attempting to pass herself off as the wee man. Your wife will be too polite to point out that she can quite clearly see it's the neighbour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 The Hand That Rocks The Cradle is a fucking scary film. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 The Hand That Rocks The Cradle is a fucking scary film. As well as the three I listed there's another one I can think of where it's the biological mother who goes cuckoo-bingbong-bananas and tries to off the caring new step mother. The 90s was a rich time for terrifying tales of families torn apart by obsession, jealousy and mental illness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted February 22, 2016 Author Share Posted February 22, 2016 On the plus side Pete, if you ever need a surrogate... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 I'd rather have a literal snake carry my child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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