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Ayia Napa Daz

The joke thread: a thread for camaraderie and hilarity

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My local cafe now sells Oasis soup. It’s just like normal soup, but you got a roll with it.

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I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 Camels for my Wife...  I usually smoke Marlboro but hey a deal’s a deal!

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Mary had a little skirt, with splits right up the sides. And every time that Mary walked, the boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt, it was slit right up the front. .....

but she never wore that one.

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Paddy was sitting in the living room with the family when he notices Brigitte's skirt has hitched up a bit too far when she sat sat down and he yells “Brigitte... Brigitte, cross your legs, the K I D S can see your c**t”

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A Yorkshire couple go to the Costa Brava for a holiday, but on arrival, the wife says "I won't be able to make gravy with your dinner, love - I've forgotten the Bisto" The husband says, "Don't worry, there's an English couple staying in the next apartment, I'll see if they have any" So he knocks on the door of the next apartment, and says to the man" 'Allo, 'hast any Bisto" To which the man replies "f**k off, you Spanish c**t!”

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David Beckham gets into a taxi at Dublin airport , he sees the driver looking at him for about 5 minutes in the rear view mirror.

Eventually the driver says “ OK give us a clue then ? ‘

Beckham sighs and replies “ well I had a glittering career for Man Utd , married a spice girl and played over 100 times for England is that enough ?” 

Drivers says “ no you thick c**T , where are you going !? ‘ 

Edited by kennysmassiveego

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I just read in the paper there’s a nudist convention in town next week...

I might go if I’ve got nothing on....

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A dog has learned to play the trumpet on the London underground.

He's went from barking to tooting.

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Went to the doctor. He says 'sorry, but you only have 6 months to live' I was shocked and demanded a second opinion, he said 'okay, you are ugly too'

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What is the last part of your body to stop working when you die?
Your pupils, they dilate.
Just told that to my (nurse) Mrs:-

"I wouldn't know that because the first thing I do is close the eyelids"

Degree qualification I might add.

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