beefybake Posted February 25, 2023 Share Posted February 25, 2023 4 hours ago, jagfox said: Yer da is growing tomatoes and is calling himself Pablo Tescobar... Very important to have your own supply of tomatoes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted February 26, 2023 Share Posted February 26, 2023 I chatted up a blind bird last night - no surprise in the fact that she'd have to be blind for me to pull her, but anyhoo - I took her upstairs to bed and she said I had the biggest cock she'd ever got her hands on. I said 'you're pulling my leg!' 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted February 27, 2023 Share Posted February 27, 2023 Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 capsules at me! Luckily my injuries are only Super Fish Oil. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted March 2, 2023 Share Posted March 2, 2023 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted March 6, 2023 Share Posted March 6, 2023 Lidl have announced they are putting limits on buying some items in-store. Customers will now be limited to 2 wetsuits per person. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted March 11, 2023 Share Posted March 11, 2023 A young lady is walking through a supermarket when she spots the lad who had given her a good seeing to the night before. "Here, you!" she shouts. "You told me last night that you were a test pilot! So just what are you doing stacking soap powder on the shelves here, you low-life liar?!" "You got it wrong" he replies. "I only told you I was a member of an Ariel display team..." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Other Foot Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted March 16, 2023 Share Posted March 16, 2023 I've had it up to here with jokes that rely on visual imagery. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted March 17, 2023 Share Posted March 17, 2023 Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs. Because they're Inca hoots. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velo army Posted March 18, 2023 Share Posted March 18, 2023 21 hours ago, Newbornbairn said: Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs. Because they're Inca hoots. Why can't owls mate when it's raining? They find it too wet to woo. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted March 18, 2023 Share Posted March 18, 2023 Continuing the theme... Why did the Owl howl? Because the woodpecker would peck her. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velo army Posted March 18, 2023 Share Posted March 18, 2023 I see a few of us got the Bill Oddie joke book for Christmas 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted March 18, 2023 Share Posted March 18, 2023 Why couldn't the viper viper nose? Because the adder adder handkerchief. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted March 19, 2023 Share Posted March 19, 2023 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted March 23, 2023 Share Posted March 23, 2023 Guy is up in court for murdering his wife and daughter with a hammer. The judge is reading out the charges, "you are charged with murdering your wife with a hammer" "ya lousy b*****d!!" Shouts a voice from the gallery. "You are also charged with murdering your daughter with a hammer" "ya lousy b*****d" shouts the voice again. The judge Says "look, I know this is a very sensitive case, but please refrain from shouting from the gallery" the Man Says "ok sorry, but I've lived next door to the b*****d for 20 years, and everytime I've asked for a loan of a hammer he's told me he's no got one!!" 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted March 26, 2023 Share Posted March 26, 2023 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 I asked a woman for a date once, but she said no because I had a face like the back of a boat. I didn't reply, I just gave her a stern look. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 16 hours ago, jagfox said: E.T. says "wid" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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