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The joke thread: a thread for camaraderie and hilarity

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Billy Connolly

"Lazy? I was that lazy when I pissed myself it didn't run down my leg, it strolled.

I used to have to have a [email protected] in the morning to get my heart started..."

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On 25/10/2020 at 10:31, GordonD said:

I have a racist dyslexic friend. He got quite upset last week when he read that his cock would go black at the weekend.

Putting the sexy back in dyslexia there. 

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Ninewells hospital have been heading up research into treatments that help Covid patients. In the latest study, they put  a woman on a 100% pasta diet.

 

Unfortunately it didn't macaroni better. 

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58 minutes ago, NewBornBairn said:

Ninewells hospital have been heading up research into treatments that help Covid patients. In the latest study, they put  a woman on a 100% pasta diet.

 

Unfortunately it didn't macaroni better. 

Maybe it helped reduce her carbonara footprint though.

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1 hour ago, NewBornBairn said:

Ninewells hospital have been heading up research into treatments that help Covid patients. In the latest study, they put  a woman on a 100% pasta diet.

 

Unfortunately it didn't macaroni better. 

 

22 minutes ago, Oscar P said:

Maybe it helped reduce her carbonara footprint though.

Sheesh.  It took me 3 reads of these shite puns until the penne dropped.

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14 minutes ago, DeeTillEhDeh said:
On 24/11/2020 at 01:26, The_Kincardine said:
Sheesh.  It took me 3 reads of these shite puns until the penne dropped.

These puns are getting pasta joke.

Any more of this and I'll be sending for my Latvian hit-man friend. Yup, RigaToni coming for you.

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2 hours ago, Bishop Briggs said:

43838.jpg&key=e81b05550b52b0e0b01da395f4

Is he the actor who once said to Sophia Loren... " God, I want to ***k you..."

And she replied... "Well, if you do, and I find out, there's going to be trouble..."

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15 minutes ago, beefybake said:

Is he the actor who once said to Sophia Loren... " God, I want to ***k you..."

And she replied... "Well, if you do, and I find out, there's going to be trouble..."

Never heard that one but, if so, he would have been called Nick Nackered.

Edited by Bishop Briggs

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