Derry Alli Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 What a lovely day to ram a broom handle up Lewis Hamilton's arse and say "How's THAT for pole position?" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 My GP is useless. I've developed this nasty compulsion of sticking things up my arsehole, so he suggested a couple of books. No good. Now I've ripped my anus and my local library is furious... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distant Doonhamer Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 14 hours ago, NewBornBairn said: What a lovely day to ram a broom handle up Lewis Hamilton's arse and say "How's THAT for pole position?" What a lovely day for sticking a cucumber through a letter box and shouting "run for it, missus, the Martians have landed!" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted September 24, 2020 Share Posted September 24, 2020 What vegetable makes you cry?Getting hit by a turnip in the baws. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 Guy goes for a job interview. The interviewer says what do you think is your biggest weakness? The guy says, well maybe am sometimes too honest.Interviewer says - I don’t think being too honest is a bad thing.Guy says “I don’t give a f**k what you think” 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonanist Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 Is there a tanning salon called Oompa Loompas? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth II are at the Pearly Gates on the same day, waiting to be admitted. They’re told there’s only one space left in Heaven, so the chief angel has to make a decision. The angel says to Dolly “Is there some reason I should let you into Heaven?” Dolly takes her top off “Look at these perfect boobies, the most perfect God ever created. I’m sure it will please The Lord to be able to see them for eternity.” The angel asks the Queen the same question. She walks over to the toilet and pulls the chain. Without saying a word. The angel immediately says “Okay, your majesty, you may go in.” Dolly’s outraged, asking “What’s all that about? I showed you two of God’s finest creations and I get a knock back? All she did was flush the toilet and she gets in – explain yourself please!” “I'm Sorry Dolly,” answers the angel, “but even in Heaven a royal flush beats a pair – (no matter how big they are!”) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 This is the first year I've not run the London Marathon because of Covid. Every other year I just couldn't be arsed. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 I've just read that clocks are supposed to go back on the 25th October, but I've lost the receipt for my clock. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 I have always aspired to @Shandön Par 's level of sartorial elegance and have promised myself that if I win the lottery I would follow his trend. All I need is those 3 numbers to come up. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 I've got a phobia of German sausages. I fear the wurst. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeTillEhDeh Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted October 14, 2020 Share Posted October 14, 2020 An American driver in Stirling today asked for directions to the nearest railroad station. This was the result... -3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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