John Lambies Doos Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 Gale force winds blew the roof off the cheese factory. De brie everywhere.Have you tasted the new Israeli cheese. It's fabulous.Cheeses of Nazareth 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homer Thompson Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 I Camembert these cheese puns 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 (edited) Eminem is the first big celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus - his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy... Edited February 11, 2020 by IainMorton 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 Welcome to ‘Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous’. I see a lot of new faces here tonight, which is disappointing. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTJohnboy Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 Did you hear the one about the psychiatrist who kept his wife under the bed? Spoiler He thought she was a little potty. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee Van Tee Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 Looking for a bit of advice guys. What's the best number of Roses to give the missis for Valentine's Day? 6? 12? 24? Or should I just give her the whole tin? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue-Toon Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 23 hours ago, Lee Van Tee said: Looking for a bit of advice guys. What's the best number of Roses to give the missis for Valentine's Day? 6? 12? 24? Or should I just give her the whole tin? I'd give her one. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 3 hours ago, Blue-Toon said: I'd give her one. Pics first 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 (edited) My girlfriend’s dog died recently so to cheer her up I got her an identical one. She was livid “what am I gonna do with two dead dogs?” she asked. Edited February 16, 2020 by IainMorton 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 I don't care about the latest Love Island twist, I'm still not watching that shite. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 I can proove to you I'm sighkick. Right now you're thinking: "this c**t can't spell". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 Donald Trump goes on a presidential tour of Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies. The undertaker tells the American diplomats accompanying him, "You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land, for just $100.” The American diplomats go into a corner to discuss for a few minutes. They return with their answer to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald Trump shipped home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks, "Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?” The American diplomats reply, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 A flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately. “Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot & sexy looking female passenger on board, who looks sad & quite frightened. The man sitting beside her is a fat old slob, who looks like a letch, very sullen, mean, and dangerous!". The captain responds..., “Patricia, I’ve told you this before. This is Air Force One...” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 A photon checks in for a flight. ”Do you have any luggage?” asks the attendant. ”No” says the photon “I’m travelling light”. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 I recently lost my thesaurus. I can’t find the words to describe how upset I am. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homer Thompson Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 I recently lost my thesaurus. I can’t find the words to describe how upset I am.I was sure my horse stole my thesaurus last year but when I asked asked him if he'd stole it he said "no" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hearthammer Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 46 minutes ago, Mr X said: 9 hours ago, IainMorton said: I recently lost my thesaurus. I can’t find the words to describe how upset I am. I was sure my horse stole my thesaurus last year but when I asked asked him if he'd stolen it he said "no" If the question had been posed correctly, then perhaps your equine quadruped may have told the truth. He'd have said, "I cannneigh lie, it was me". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 2 hours ago, hearthammer said: If the question had been posed correctly, then perhaps your equine quadruped may have told the truth. He'd have said, "I cannneigh lie, it was me". I thought it was a very subtle joke in that the horse would normally have answered 'Neigh' but because it had read the thesaurus it came up with an alternative word, 'No'. Either that or the OP fucked it up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.