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The joke thread: a thread for camaraderie and hilarity

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1 hour ago, IainMorton said:

A Lionel Ritchie concert has been cancelled after an Asian man was spotted on the roof of the venue. Reporters say he was “Dan Singh on the ceiling”.

Had he been there from dusk till dawn ??

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12 hours ago, hearthammer said:

Had he been there from dusk till dawn ??

All night long.

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13 minutes ago, hearthammer said:

That, cryptically, was the . . . . . . . . . 

That much I figured, aye, but this is not a place for finesse. The blunt end of your hammer is the tool for P&B.

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3 minutes ago, hk blues said:

Truly?

This one could end up Running with the Night.

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2 minutes ago, Ross. said:

This one could end up Running with the Night.

Just Go...

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23 minutes ago, Ross. said:

This one could end up Running with the Night.

It could go on, like, easy to Sunday Morning at least. 

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I always knock on the fridge before I open it.

Just in case there’s a salad dressing.

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Just spent £300 on a limo and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver. I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

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I stayed awake all night trying to work out where the sun went to, and then suddenly it dawned on me.

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I went into a restaurant and tried to order the octopus stew. 

The waiter told me it would take 3 hours to cook. 

I asked "why?" and he replied 

"We cook them alive and they keep reaching out of the oven and turning the gas off...." 

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I went to the doctor and said 'It hurts when I press here, here, and here.' He said 'You've broken your finger'

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20 hours ago, G_Man1985 said:

I always knock on the fridge before I open it.

Just in case there’s a salad dressing.
 

I've just been to an electrical goods store with a fridge where you knock twice on a darkened window on the front and it illuminates to show you the inside contents. 

Not a joke but a fascinating and true story related to yours.

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19 minutes ago, Dee Man said:

I've just been to an electrical goods store with a fridge where you knock twice on a darkened window on the front and it illuminates to show you the inside contents. 

Not a joke but a fascinating and true story related to yours.

At last! a fridge that satisfies those with OCD that cannot be convinced that the light does go off when you shut the door

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12 hours ago, Oscar P said:

I stayed awake all night trying to work out where the sun went to, and then suddenly it dawned on me.

Did you hear about the insomniac, dyslexic, agnostic?

He lay awake all night wondering if there really was a dog.

 

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