Believe The Hype Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 What do you call a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny ? a block of flaps. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackislekillie Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 Pat and Mick Went up a stick And couldnae get doon For skelfs 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kennboy1978 Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 What's the smelliest thing in the world ?A kippers fanny. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted November 5, 2016 Share Posted November 5, 2016 Little girl wets herself in the classroom. As she mops up, the teacher says, "Margaret, why didn't you put your hand up?" And the girl says, "I did, but it ran through my fingers!" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Growl3th Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 What happened to the dyslexic devil-worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 13 minutes ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't. There are three types of people in the world - those who can count and those who can't. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
topcat(The most tip top) Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 20 minutes ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't. If only you, me and dead people understand Hexadecimal then that would mean that deaf people understandHexadecimal 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 1 minute ago, topcat(The most tip top) said: If only you, me and dead people understand Hexadecimal then that would mean that deaf people understandHexadecimal Took a while to work that one out! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 Woman says to her husband, "George, it's our Silver Wedding soon and I've decided what present I want. I'd like breast enlargement surgery." Her husband says, "And how much will that cost?" "Seven thousand pounds," she says. "Seven grand?" he answers. "There's a much cheaper way of doing it. Just get a handful of toilet paper and rub that over your chest. Keep doing that on a regular basis." "And will that make my breasts go big?" she asks. He replies, "Well, it's worked on your arse..." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 My next door neighbour has just accused me of stealing her underwear from the washing line, Shocked? I almost shat her pants. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweaty Morph Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 After years of marriage, my wife still gets upset when I use her toothbrush. If anyone knows of a better way to get dog shit off my trainers, I'm all ears. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 37 minutes ago, G_Man1985 said: My dog’s just blown his kennel up – Bloody Yorkshire Terrorist 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 My next-door neighbour is a dwarf. I was on my way home from work today when I saw him standing at the bus stop. I said to him, "Jump in, I'll give you a lift!" "Why don't you piss off?" he shouted back. Ungrateful little b*****d, I thought, So I zipped up my backpack and carried on walking. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 A man has been arrested and charged with murdering his wife, chopping up her body and distributing the parts around the countryside. He was rumbled when he was walking along the road and the arse fell out of his carrier bag. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reggie Perrin Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 A guy goes into a butchers and asks "have you got a sheep's heid"? The butcher says " naw, its just the way a comb ma hair". This must be an Ayrshire joke, I was told a version of this (pigs heid) back in the 80s by a lad from Stewarton. Right in the middle of a college exam, much silly giggling. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackislekillie Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Its actually an old Chic Murray joke. That guy cracked me up. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deej Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 There are three types of people in the world - those who can count and those who can't. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't. 3 of my least favourite things: 1. Irony 2. Incomplete lists 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTJohnboy Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Hope this hasn't been in Viz... It's getting late, and this Glasgow guy is wondering where his 2 kids have got to. He goes out on to the street to see if he can see them. Sure enough, at the end of the street he sees his 2 boys - one is pushing a setteee along the street and the other is following him, pushing an armchair. Eventually they reach the house. "What's goin' on here?" says faither, "where have you got these from?" "A man gave us them" replied the older boy. Faither reacts by giving the boy a slap on the ear. "What was that for?" says the boy. "What have Ah telt youse two about taking suites aff strangers", replies faither. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted November 26, 2016 Share Posted November 26, 2016 So you think you've had a bad day at work? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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