The_Kincardine Posted January 20, 2023 Share Posted January 20, 2023 12 minutes ago, Arthur daley said: Knew a girl with a sea shell tattoo on her inner thigh, if you put your ear to it you could smell the sea . She sells sea shells on the sea? Sure! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthur daley Posted January 20, 2023 Share Posted January 20, 2023 7 minutes ago, The_Kincardine said: She sells sea smells on the sea? Sure! FTFY 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 11 hours ago, Arthur daley said: Knew a girl with a sea shell tattoo on her inner thigh, if you put your ear to it you could smell the sea . Reminds me of the old one about the prostitute with Pele's face tattooed on one thigh and Maradona's on the other. Celtic supporter says, "I don't recognise those two but the one in the middle is Danny McGrain!" 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 13 hours ago, Arthur daley said: Knew a girl with a sea shell tattoo on her inner thigh, if you put your ear to it you could smell the sea . Reminds me about the one about the shithouse door on a trawler... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 3 hours ago, GordonD said: Reminds me of the old one about the prostitute with Pele's face tattooed on one thigh and Maradona's on the other. Celtic supporter says, "I don't recognise those two but the one in the middle is Danny McGrain!" I think we might have worked out who Tam Cowan's P&B source is... 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottsdad Posted January 24, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted January 24, 2023 Some friends of mine are organising a joint Chinese New Year celebration and Burn's Night supper - they're calling it Chinese Burns Night. I don't want to go but they're twisting my arm. 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duraglit shareholder Posted January 24, 2023 Share Posted January 24, 2023 What do you call a jacket on fire? A Blazer 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 24, 2023 Share Posted January 24, 2023 50 minutes ago, Duraglit shareholder said: What do you call a jacket on fire? A Blazer A smoking jacket? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alta-pete Posted January 24, 2023 Share Posted January 24, 2023 52 minutes ago, Duraglit shareholder said: What do you call a jacket on fire? A Blazer A hot potato? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted January 24, 2023 Share Posted January 24, 2023 Kenny burns? Spoiler Subtle one involving an English football manager's surname 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldbitterandgrumpy Posted January 24, 2023 Share Posted January 24, 2023 2 minutes ago, tamthebam said: Kenny burns? Hide contents Subtle one involving an English football manager's surname Or to quote Half Man Half Biscuit ‘Nero fiddles while Gordon Burns’. (Probably missed the joke there. In fact this should be in the young/old not getting things thread) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theatom Posted January 24, 2023 Share Posted January 24, 2023 A guy goes to Doc’s with sore big toe. Doc says you’ve got chlamydia. Guy asks if that’s unusual Doc says “ That’s nothing- had a girl in here this morning with athletes fanny” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 Being far too shy to see my GP about my erectile dysfunction I visited the local quack. He said " Take this powder and say 123 before you have sex. It only works once and you must say 1234 when you have finished and your erection will disappear " At home, I took the wife upstairs and got started. It worked great and I was just about to give her the treat of a lifetime when she said " What did you say123 for?" 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted January 26, 2023 Share Posted January 26, 2023 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted January 26, 2023 Share Posted January 26, 2023 Jock and Jimmy are walking home from the pub in the pishing rain. Jock says to Jimmy "Just stay at my bit the night, save you walking hame in that" They get to Jock's and he says he'll go and get the spare room made up. Just as he's finished blowing up the mattress and putting the sheets on he hears a knock at the door. Wondering who it could be so late at night he answers it to see Jimmy standing there absolutely soaked to the bone. "What the hell have you been doing?" he asks, to which Jimmy responds "Well I had to go hame to get ma jammies". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeTillEhDeh Posted January 26, 2023 Share Posted January 26, 2023 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 A man goes to the doctor complaining about a terrible pain in his backside. The doctor has him bend over, and then cries out in disbelief at the sight of a load of cash sticking out of the mans arse. As the doctor begins to remove it the man asks how much there is. "£1800" replies the doctor. "Ah, that makes sense," says the man. "I knew when I woke up this morning I didn't feel too grand." 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florentine_Pogen Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 Why was the Amish girl excommunicated ? Two men a night. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted January 31, 2023 Share Posted January 31, 2023 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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