Dan Steele Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 If you turn the word gullible upside down it looks like a fish. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual writings from hospital charts) 1 . The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 23. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities!! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTJohnboy Posted October 17, 2021 Share Posted October 17, 2021 Conversation between a mother and her son, who is reluctant to get up out of his bed. "Come on son," says mum, "You know you've got to ready for school now." "Aw mum", says son, "I'm not going to school today" "Come on now son", "You know you've got to go to school. Everyone has to go to school." "Aw but mum", "I hate school, I'm not going today." "Oh come on now", "Why do you hate school so much? "No one likes me there," " the kids don't like me, the teachers don't like me, even the janitor doesn't like me." "I'm sorry son," "You've got to get up now and get ready for school" "But why, mum" ? Because you're the headmaster. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted October 20, 2021 Share Posted October 20, 2021 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greendot Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hearthammer Posted November 3, 2021 Share Posted November 3, 2021 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted November 3, 2021 Share Posted November 3, 2021 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 Keeping it topical... Hear about the Thalidomide who burnt his face? He was reading the instructions on his firework. Spoiler light at arm's length 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alta-pete Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted November 6, 2021 Share Posted November 6, 2021 My girlfriend borrowed £100 from me. After 3 years, when we seperated, she returned exactly £100. I lost interest in that relationship. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 The new electric razor for dyslexics is the best thing since sliced beard. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Play Posted November 9, 2021 Share Posted November 9, 2021 Rumours are Gerrard will accept the Villa job if he’s allowed to take his entire back room staff with him……… Villa have yet to agree if John Beaton, Bobby Madden , Andrew Dallas and Willie Collum can join with Gerrard. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted November 10, 2021 Share Posted November 10, 2021 Official new supplier to SPFL referees announced 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted November 12, 2021 Share Posted November 12, 2021 A young lady places an ad in the singles section of her local paper. "lovely lady seeks a man who wont beat her, wont leave her, and is good in bed". A few days later there's a ring at her doorbell, and at the door is a man with no arms and no legs, he says "i've come about the ad you placed in the paper" she says, "im not sure you're the sort of person im looking for" he says "i thought i would be ideal, i have no arms, so i cant beat you. i have no legs so i cant leave you"she says what about being good in bed?he says i rang the doorbell didnt i? 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted November 12, 2021 Share Posted November 12, 2021 On 10/11/2021 at 16:24, Old Diamond said: Does it? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted November 12, 2021 Share Posted November 12, 2021 The dirtiest joke ever told - 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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