philpy Posted August 13, 2021 Share Posted August 13, 2021 2 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Was in the butchers earlier and I asked for a mince round. Hide contents He said, “you’re in luck I’ve one left”. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinkle Posted August 14, 2021 Share Posted August 14, 2021 Went on a trip to a postcard factory last week. Was ok but nothing to write home about 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted August 15, 2021 Share Posted August 15, 2021 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted August 15, 2021 Share Posted August 15, 2021 I saw an orange walk the other day. I knew I shouldn't have bought a house next to Sellafield.. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eednud Posted August 16, 2021 Share Posted August 16, 2021 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 Q, What's your opinion on the reciprocating engine? A, It could go either way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 (edited) A Ventilation company that had it's entire stock stolen at the start of lockdown has had everything returned by the police. The owner commented 'it's good to have the fans back' Edited August 20, 2021 by Zen Archer (Raconteur) -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 Captain America refused to apologise. The situation escalated rapidly and soon it was the biggest battle the world had ever seen. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiegoDiego Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 My cat went missing the other week. Yesterday a neighbour said it had been savaged by a dog then picked clean by badgers. She handed me the only remains, a small handful of teeth. "Oh well," I said "At least the fangs are back." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey Tennis Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 1 hour ago, welshbairn said: Red dotted that because although there's material for a good joke there, you fucked it. For a start, wtf is a ventilation company? At a push they'd be installing air conditioning or windows with vents, but fans? Must try harder.. 3/10 The best ever play on words of that nature came when Brian Clough punched a pitch invading supporter. Some journalist described it as the definitive case of the shit hitting the fan. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 @welshbairn Quote 2 hours ago, welshbairn said: Red dotted that because although there's material for a good joke there, you fucked it. For a start, wtf is a ventilation company? At a push they'd be installing air conditioning or windows with vents, but fans? Must try harder.. 3/10 What do you think accelerates the air round buildings, brings supply and extract air to air handling units or air conditioning units? FANS. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 My mate used to love agricultural vehicles. Not so much now, he’s an ex-tractor fan. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 [mention=30062]welshbairn[/mention] 2 hours ago, welshbairn said: Red dotted that because although there's material for a good joke there, you fucked it. For a start, wtf is a ventilation company? At a push they'd be installing air conditioning or windows with vents, but fans? Must try harder.. 3/10 What do you think accelerates the air round buildings, brings supply and extract air to air handling units or air conditioning units? FANS.There is a lot of support for air conditioning companies, but the last 18 months have been tough. They have realised they are nothing without fans. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 Zen and Welshy, a couple of fans,eh... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone" 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eednud Posted August 21, 2021 Share Posted August 21, 2021 2 hours ago, Arch Stanton said: A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone" Kerry O’Keefe on the ABC during an Australia v Sri Lanka test. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Ferrino Posted August 21, 2021 Share Posted August 21, 2021 My dog has no nose How does it smell? It's dead, the maggots ate his nose. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted August 21, 2021 Share Posted August 21, 2021 9 hours ago, Eednud said: Kerry O’Keefe on the ABC during an Australia v Sri Lanka test. Cricket - the only sport where you can tell a joke that long in the gap between things happening. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted August 22, 2021 Share Posted August 22, 2021 Covid self -test. Pour a measure of whisky, gin, or rum into a glass, then see if you can smell it. If you can, then drink it, and if you can taste it it is reasonable to assume that you are currently free of the virus. I tested myself 9 times last night, and was virus free each time, thank goodness. I will test myself again today because I have developed a headache which I understand is also a Covid symptom. Keep testing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted August 22, 2021 Share Posted August 22, 2021 I woke up last night and the Grim Reaper was standing in the hall. I fought him off with the vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with Death... 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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