Newbornbairn Posted March 6, 2021 Share Posted March 6, 2021 Why can't ants catch Covid? Spoiler They have totty wee antibodies. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted March 7, 2021 Share Posted March 7, 2021 A man walks into a bar. Lucky b*****d. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leewood Posted March 7, 2021 Share Posted March 7, 2021 A guy sits down at a bar. "Is everything okay?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn’t going to talk to me for a month.” The bartender says, "Well, maybe that's a good thing... a little peace and quiet?" "Yeah but today is the last day.” 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted March 8, 2021 Share Posted March 8, 2021 In Scotland a man is run over every fifteen minutes and he's getting fucking fed up with it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted March 8, 2021 Share Posted March 8, 2021 Similarly; I often let my dog go for a tramp in the woods And he's getting fucking fed up with it 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 Beggar sitting in the street eating a Big Mac. Along comes a woman with a wee yappy dug that starts trying to get at it. The beggar says, "Would you like me to throw the dug a bit, missus?" She says, "That's so kind of you!" So he picks up the dug by the collar and tosses it halfway down the street. "If it comes back," he says, "I'll throw it a bit further!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids. When I got home, they were still there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 7 hours ago, GordonD said: Beggar sitting in the street eating a Big Mac. Along comes a woman with a wee yappy dug that starts trying to get at it. The beggar says, "Would you like me to throw the dug a bit, missus?" She says, "That's so kind of you!" So he picks up the dug by the collar and tosses it halfway down the street. "If it comes back," he says, "I'll throw it a bit further!" Reminds me of a Jethro classic... Guy walks into a bar and a dog is sitting licking it's balls. Guy says to owner "I wish I could do that!" Owner replies "Give it a biscuit and it might let you." 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 . 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonS Posted March 10, 2021 Share Posted March 10, 2021 9 hours ago, Robin.Hood said: I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids. When I got home, they were still there. My wife and had a long, serious discussion and we've come to the conclusion that we don't want kids. When we get home we're going to tell them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted March 10, 2021 Share Posted March 10, 2021 . 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 I don't mean to brag, but... Cashiers are always checking me out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Ferrino Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 8 minutes ago, Robin.Hood said: I don't mean to brag, but... Cashiers are always checking me out. Tend to use the self checkout more these days. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted March 13, 2021 Share Posted March 13, 2021 Aston Martin are to start production on battery operated cars. To reflect the change, james bond will now be known as Double A 7. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mishtergrolsch Posted March 13, 2021 Share Posted March 13, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, buchan30 said: Aston Martin are to start production on battery operated cars. To reflect the change, james bond will now be known as Double A 7. Better than Double MN21 A23 LRV08 2 Pack tbf. Edited March 13, 2021 by mishtergrolsch 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted March 13, 2021 Share Posted March 13, 2021 My wife left me because I'm insecure. Oh, no, wait, she's back. She just went for groceries. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted March 13, 2021 Share Posted March 13, 2021 1 minute ago, Robin.Hood said: My wife left me because I'm insecure. Oh, no, wait, she's back. She just went for groceries. You could solve this problem by changing your name to R0b1n H0oD 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted March 13, 2021 Share Posted March 13, 2021 Q, What do you call someone with no arms? A, Shitey erse. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted March 13, 2021 Share Posted March 13, 2021 What do you call someone with no arms or legs that can swim the Channel? Clever Dick 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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