The joke thread: a thread for camaraderie and hilarity

[tamthebam]

That gag hit a bum note with beefybake

[beefybake]

Ah, right.     ( Goes off to sit in the corner ).

[Raven]

When you got that joke, did it make your whole week?

[Homer Thompson]

1 hour ago, Raven said:

When you got that joke, did it make your whole week?

[topcat(The most tip top)]

I was talking with a posh Perthshire mate of mine who is certain that someone is trying to poach his prize stag. He explained that the chief suspect is a Muslim cleric

“Iman after your own hart” I replied

[19QOS19]

...a posh Perthshire...

[emoji38] Hands down the funniest thing I've read on this thread.

[topcat(The most tip top)]

[emoji38] Hands down the funniest thing I've read on this thread.

Not quite the positive feedback I anticipated but I’ll take it anyway

[John Lambies Doos]

[emoji38] Hands down the funniest thing I've read on this thread.

Oof... You clearly don't get out much

[BillyAnchor]

1 hour ago, John Lambies Doos said:

7 hours ago, 19QOS19 said:

Hands down the funniest thing I've read on this thread.

Oof... You clearly don't get out much

To be fair most of it's pretty crap.

[19QOS19]

Oof... You clearly don't get out much

[DiegoDiego]

To be fair most of it's pretty crap.

Most of the posts here aren't even jokes anymore, it's just things which are mildly amusing.

[John Lambies Doos]

Lads, just wanted to take a minute to wish you a very merry Christmas and a happy year, most of all good health! These days people don't spend much time or thought on some personal words to their friends and family, they just copy and paste some random message and send it on. So after all we've been though together this year I want to thank you for your friendship and wish you a happy and fulfilling 2018 - you’re the best gymnastics group anyone could ask for. Best wishes, Helen

[The_Kincardine]

59 minutes ago, John Lambies Doos said:

Lads, just wanted to take a minute to wish you a very merry Christmas and a happy year, most of all good health! These days people don't spend much time or thought on some personal words to their friends and family, they just copy and paste some random message and send it on. So after all we've been though together this year I want to thank you for your friendship and wish you a happy and fulfilling 2018 - you’re the best gymnastics group anyone could ask for. Best wishes, Helen

So a ballerina walks into a barre...

[Nae Union]

What do all the lady reindeer do on Christmas eve when the boy reindeer are out with santa?

 

Spoiler

They go in to town and blow a few bucks! 

 

[Bold Rover]

11 minutes ago, The_Kincardine said:

So a ballerina walks into a barre...

I hope it wasn't an iron barre?

[DiegoDiego]

I hope it wasn't an iron barre?

Nah, you're thinking of 90's American figure skaters.

[buchan30]

Really need to watch what i am doing with the drink today.

Last year at Christmas i started drinking advocate in the morning and after that, things just snowballed.

[Gaz]

Elton John phoned me last night to ask "Do you want to buy my Rolls Royce?"

I asked "What reg?"

He said "DO YOU WANT TO BUY MY ROLLS ROYCE?"

[tongue_tied_danny]

Bloke gets wrecked on desert island, he’s the only one on there. Next day someone else gets wrecked there and it turns out to be a woman. Bloke goes down to say hello and finds out it’s Michelle Pfeiffer. He thinks, fantastic, I’m in here, and she says, “There’s just the two of us here, how about we make this a friendly and a physical relationship?” He thinks, bloody hell, that’s marvellous that, stranded on a desert island, having it off with Michelle Pfeiffer. So he’s doing this for about two or three days, and he says to her, “You couldn’t put a false moustache on, could you, draw it out of the embers of the fire, then put this hat on and let me call you Frank?” She thinks it’s a bit weird but agrees anyway, puts the hat and moustache on and says, “Hey, it’s me, Frank, how you doing?” And he turns around and says, “Hey Frank, you’ll never guess who I’m shaggin’…”

[taurus]

3 hours ago, tongue_tied_danny said:

Bloke gets wrecked on desert island, he’s the only one on there. Next day someone else gets wrecked there and it turns out to be a woman. Bloke goes down to say hello and finds out it’s Michelle Pfeiffer. He thinks, fantastic, I’m in here, and she says, “There’s just the two of us here, how about we make this a friendly and a physical relationship?” He thinks, bloody hell, that’s marvellous that, stranded on a desert island, having it off with Michelle Pfeiffer. So he’s doing this for about two or three days, and he says to her, “You couldn’t put a false moustache on, could you, draw it out of the embers of the fire, then put this hat on and let me call you Frank?” She thinks it’s a bit weird but agrees anyway, puts the hat and moustache on and says, “Hey, it’s me, Frank, how you doing?” And he turns around and says, “Hey Frank, you’ll never guess who I’m shaggin’…”

AYE