tamthebam Posted October 14, 2020 Share Posted October 14, 2020 My computer beat me at chess recently. But it was no match for me at kickboxing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted October 15, 2020 Share Posted October 15, 2020 12 hours ago, Bishop Briggs said: An American driver in Stirling today asked for directions to the nearest railroad station. This was the result... Careless, that. Leaving your car doors open in Stirling is just asking for it to be nicked. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted October 15, 2020 Share Posted October 15, 2020 Apparently another car went on the track at just about the same time near Corpach. I smell shenanigans. Maybe a co-ordinated terrorist attack from the Women's Parking Popular Front? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted October 15, 2020 Share Posted October 15, 2020 Apparently another car went on the track at just about the same time near Corpach. I smell shenanigans. Maybe a co-ordinated terrorist attack from the Women's Parking Popular Front?f**k off!! It was the Popular Front of Womens Parking. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted October 16, 2020 Share Posted October 16, 2020 11 hours ago, 19QOS19 said: f**k off!! It was the Popular Front of Womens Parking. SPLITTERS 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 How Return of the Jedi should have ended. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Steele Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 (edited) Mum, there's a man at the door with a bill. Don't be daft. It'll be a duck in a coat. Edited October 17, 2020 by The Skelpit Lug 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mantis Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the oven till its bill withers. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 Scientists have discovered that trees have their own way of communicating with each other, It's called What sap... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 Yesterday my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen. She sprayed everything down and cleaned everywhere thoroughly. Today, I moved the coachroach in to the bathroom. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 If anyone can be bothered to sponsor me, I'm thinking about doing a 0.000005K "run", to raise awareness of laziness.... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 This year is the first year I haven’t run the Edinburgh marathon due to Covid.The other years i have just been too fat and lazy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greendot Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 On 07/10/2020 at 08:17, NewBornBairn said: This is the first year I've not run the London Marathon because of Covid. Every other year I just couldn't be arsed. 48 minutes ago, buchan30 said: This year is the first year I haven’t run the Edinburgh marathon due to Covid. The other years i have just been too fat and lazy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 I had missed that one scrolling through.Many, many apa-logies for the incomwenience. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Saw the kid next door with his new trainers. One of his laces was loose and I pointed it out in case he fell over. He looked at me as if I was daft and said "This is how they're supposed to be worn - it was on the box! It said TIE WAN!" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Leave Buchan alone, he just informed you he was fat and lazy, what did you expect! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 I read in the paper about a zoo keeper being savaged to death by an anteater. I don't believe that. Aardvark never killed anyone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
topcat(The most tip top) Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 I read in the paper about a zoo keeper being savaged to death by an anteater. I don't believe that. Aardvark never killed anyone.What do you call an Aardvark that just won a fight? A well aardvark 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
topcat(The most tip top) Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 What do you call an Aardvark that just lost a fight? A vark 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
topcat(The most tip top) Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 What do you call an Aardvark on a traffic island A bollard vark 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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