Tenkay Posted August 24, 2020 Share Posted August 24, 2020 A husband and wife have 4 kids. One day the husband notices that their fourth kid, Billy, looks very different from the first three. The husband goes to his wife and asks her, “Honey, I noticed that Billy looks different from the other children, did you have an affair?” The wife starts to break down into tears and nods her head. The husband, heartbroken, quietly asks his wife, “So who is Billy’s father?” “You are.” 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 A man goes to see his psychiatrist and says: "I keep dreaming that I'm going to buy a plot of land and build a hotel, restaurants and a cinema." Doc replies: "Looks like your developing a complex!". 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustOneCornetto Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 Message to the person who stole my glasses. I will find you, I have contacts. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted August 28, 2020 Share Posted August 28, 2020 15 hours ago, JustOneCornetto said: Message to the person who stole my glasses. I will find you, I have contacts. The usual response to this is: Message to the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: You can hide, but you can't run. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted August 28, 2020 Share Posted August 28, 2020 To the person who stole my anti-depressants, I hope you're happy now. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hearthammer Posted August 28, 2020 Share Posted August 28, 2020 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted August 28, 2020 Share Posted August 28, 2020 Evolution 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted August 28, 2020 Share Posted August 28, 2020 The ultimate punishment! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lofarl Posted August 28, 2020 Share Posted August 28, 2020 Sometimes I tell dad jokes. He laughs 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTJohnboy Posted August 29, 2020 Share Posted August 29, 2020 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted August 29, 2020 Share Posted August 29, 2020 34 minutes ago, ICTJohnboy said: Imagine lasting that long 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweaty Morph Posted August 30, 2020 Share Posted August 30, 2020 I have sex daily. No wait, dyslexia. I have dyslexia. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTJohnboy Posted August 30, 2020 Share Posted August 30, 2020 Then there was the psychiatrist who kept his wife under the bed because he thought she was a little potty. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post buchan30 Posted August 30, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted August 30, 2020 Then there was the psychiatrist who kept his wife under the bed because he thought she was a little potty. 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted August 30, 2020 Share Posted August 30, 2020 I went to the snooker hall today. I actually got a 147... It's the only bus that goes that way! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted August 30, 2020 Share Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) Two neds come out the pub at closing time pished and realise they've missed the last bus. They have no money for a taxi so one suggests to the other that they break into the bus garage and steal a bus and drive it home. The first ned gives his mate a lift over the garage wall. He stands there for half an hour getting more worried that there is no sign of his mate. Eventually the other Ned reappears "What the f*ck took you so long?" asks the first ned "Ach, I couldn't find a Number 27" says the second Ned. "Ya daft fanny" says the first ned "just steal a Number 23 and we'll walk the rest of the way..." Edited August 30, 2020 by tamthebam Spellung 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted August 30, 2020 Share Posted August 30, 2020 A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's action, they fell asleep and awoke at around 7 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he got home. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until seven o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You fukin liar! You've been away playing golf haven't you!" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted August 31, 2020 Share Posted August 31, 2020 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted August 31, 2020 Share Posted August 31, 2020 12 hours ago, Tenkay said: I went to the snooker hall today. I actually got a 147... It's the only bus that goes that way! I was once on course for a 147 break. But I got excited and missed the second black. (True story!) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted August 31, 2020 Share Posted August 31, 2020 2 hours ago, GordonD said: I was once on course for a 147 break. But I got excited and missed the second black. (True story!) Facts you made up thread for this pish 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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