hearthammer Posted July 18, 2020 Share Posted July 18, 2020 An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house. After eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?' 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hearthammer Posted July 18, 2020 Share Posted July 18, 2020 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted July 18, 2020 Share Posted July 18, 2020 Grandad had to go into a home. I rang the day after to check on things. Nurse said 'He's like a fish out of water I'm afraid'. 'Ah,' I said, 'Not adjusting well then'. 'No,' she said, 'he's dead'. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Lambies Doos Posted July 18, 2020 Share Posted July 18, 2020 Swimming pools are to reopen in Ireland at the end of the month. To keep social distancing there wont be water in lanes 1,3,5,7. Mods 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted July 18, 2020 Share Posted July 18, 2020 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Ferrino Posted July 19, 2020 Share Posted July 19, 2020 9 hours ago, hearthammer said: Religion? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted July 19, 2020 Share Posted July 19, 2020 1 hour ago, Tony Ferrino said: Religion? Only if you holiday in the corner or the spotlight according to Michael Stipe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted July 19, 2020 Share Posted July 19, 2020 Lidl will open 25 new stores in the UK this year creating 1,000 jobs. This will include 7 new checkout operators. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hearthammer Posted July 19, 2020 Share Posted July 19, 2020 Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he d idn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.' 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hearthammer Posted July 19, 2020 Share Posted July 19, 2020 Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustOneCornetto Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 I recently joined a local Scrabble Group but left after a couple of weeks without paying the monthly subscription fee. They've now sent me a load of threatening letters!! 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hearthammer Posted July 23, 2020 Share Posted July 23, 2020 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted July 23, 2020 Share Posted July 23, 2020 FTFY 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted July 23, 2020 Share Posted July 23, 2020 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted July 23, 2020 Share Posted July 23, 2020 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted July 23, 2020 Share Posted July 23, 2020 My neighbour's daughter was getting married. Her mum said she wanted a fairytale wedding. So I turned up at the reception and put a curse on her firstborn. There's no pleasing some people. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted July 24, 2020 Share Posted July 24, 2020 Just been to the garage. It said it was open 24/7, which is good. I'm not sure if it's opening on the 25th or 26th though... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted July 24, 2020 Share Posted July 24, 2020 Here's a little known fact about former Man. United striker Danny Welbeck. His dad was a bomb disposal expert expert called Stan. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted July 24, 2020 Share Posted July 24, 2020 (edited) Police knocked on my door, and asked where I was between 8 and 10. I said I would have been at Primary School. Edited July 24, 2020 by Tenkay 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 Wearing a face masks is now mandatory in London's shops. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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