Lee Van Tee Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 Somehow I lost my girlfriend at the airport. While looking for her i bumped into another guy who had done the same thing. I asked him, "What does your girlfriend look like?" He said, "She's 26 years old, five foot ten, slim, blonde hair, blue eyes, big boobs and she's wearing a tight leather dress and thigh high boots. How about yours?" I said, "f**k it, lets just look for yours." 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alta-pete Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 I'm going on Dragon's Den with a great business idea. Just over the border in England I'm going to set up "Smacking Rooms" and if your little c***s are playing up just take them over and give them the hiding they no doubt richly deserve. And as a bonus I will open an off licence next door so you can load up on cheap booze at the same time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Not surprised that a *** thinks beating kids is a joke. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin_Nevis Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 I'm going on Dragon's Den with a great business idea. Just over the border in England I'm going to set up "Smacking Rooms" and if your little c***s are playing up just take them over and give them the hiding they no doubt richly deserve. And as a bonus I will open an off licence next door so you can load up on cheap booze at the same time.*tumbleweed* 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 Why do Scuba Divers roll backward off the boat to enter the water? Spoiler Well, if they roll forward they would still be on the boat. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 At Heaven's Gate,... Dolly Parton and the Queen arrive at the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met St Peter to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven. St Peter said, "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which of one of you will be admitted." St Peter asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they are the most perfect tits God ever created." St Peter thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, the same question. The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word. St Peter immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven." Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me? "Sorry, Dolly," said St Peter, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BillyAnchor Posted October 10, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted October 10, 2019 A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey you're in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?" The horse replies "I don't think I am." And poof. Disappears from existence. Now that joke is a reference to the philosopher Descartes and his famous line "I think, therefore I am." I could have explained that first, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse. 33 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LondonHMFC Posted October 10, 2019 Share Posted October 10, 2019 Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships? So that when they all come back to port, they can Scandinavian. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flybhoy Posted October 10, 2019 Share Posted October 10, 2019 Tribute bands that never made it... Right Said Fred West "Deeply dippy for my patio..." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QoS_1919 Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee Van Tee Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 A psychoanalyst shows a patient an inkblot and asks him what he sees. The patient says: “A man and woman making love.” The psychoanalyst shows him a second inkblot, and the patient says: “That’s also a man and woman making love.” The psychoanalyst says: “You are obsessed with sex.” The patient says: “What do you mean I’m obsessed? You’re the one with all the dirty pictures.” 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 Have to say, they're quite rude at the Suppository Helpline 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 My girlfriend recently suggested we play doctors and nurses. I was hoping for something a bit more exciting than being left in a corridor for two days. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Ever wondered what happened to the kids who rang your door bell and ran away? My guess is that they work for Hermes and DpD. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Proof that the French don't do irony. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee Van Tee Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Just before I die, I'm going to ask for a pen and paper. Then I'll write... I'VE HIDDEN ALL OF MY MONEY IN THE 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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