kennysmassiveego Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 Just back from a holiday in Thailand and I came so close to shagging a lady boy !! Looked like a lady , walked like a lady , talked like a lady , kissed like a lady ....it was only when she drove me to her place and reversed the car first time into the garage first time I thought to myself ....hang on a f**King minute 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AL-FFC Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Snow White, Tom Thumb and the Hunchback of Notre Dame meet each other.Snow White says: "I am the most beautiful girl in the whole world."Tom Thumb replyed: "Well on that I bet, I am the smallest human being in the world."The Hunchback stated: "Well if your claiming them, then without a doubt i have to be the ugliest b*****d on the planet"They agree with all those statements and they all go off to the "Guiness book of records". or have their claims verifiedSnow White comes out of that office and she is happy: "It's official i am the most beautiful girl on this planet."Tom Thumb is also chuffed to bits, "yippee its official i am now the smallest human on the planet".Hunchback of Notre Dame comes out moaning like f*ck and says "who the f**k is camilla parker bowles anyway" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HenryHill Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Couldn't remember how to tell if the dolphin was still alive. Then it clicked. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Had a job interview and they asked me how well I performed under pressure, Told them they'd probably give me pass marks, but would much prefer me having a crack at bohemian rhapsody. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AL-FFC Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Went for a job interview the other week and the interviewer asked what my 2 best qualities were i said sure "positivity and optimism" the interviewer asked for an example no problem i said "when do i start" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rovers2017 Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 SEX!!! Now I’ve got your attention, sex between two people is called a twosome. Sex between three people is a threesome. Unfortunately, I now know why people call me me handsome ! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeVanTeeth Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 18 hours ago, AL-FFC said: Went for a job interview the other week and the interviewer asked what my 2 best qualities were i said sure "positivity and optimism" the interviewer asked for an example no problem i said "when do i start" I just said "No comment" all the way through the police interview. I didn't get the job. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 (edited) Edited March 20, 2019 by BillyAnchor 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Guy goes into the chemist's and says, "Can you make me something up?" The chemist says, "Lorraine Kelly was in here a minute ago - you just missed her!" "Is that right?" says the guy. The chemist says, "No, I just made it up!" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 Fed up with people coming to my door asking for donations. Just had a woman from the sperm bank, I gave her a mouthful. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeVanTeeth Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water. Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 12 minutes ago, LeeVanTeeth said: Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water. Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon. Has anybody ever seen a hippo on a tandem? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 A gnu rather than a hippo, but still... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 2 hours ago, GordonD said: A gnu rather than a hippo, but still... Looks more like the work of Robert Mapplethorpe tbh. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 The wife just asked me whether I love football or her most I said “ open your legs and I will show you “ she did and I nutmegged her 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 4 hours ago, GordonD said: A gnu rather than a hippo, but still... same cycling style as the average Deliveroo cnut... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 I gave my wife an orgasm last night. She spat it out. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeVanTeeth Posted March 28, 2019 Share Posted March 28, 2019 After two years of Trump making their nation the laughing stock of the world, Americans can finally breathe a sigh of relief. The countdown to Prime Minister Boris Johnson has begun. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 My local cafe now sells Oasis soup. It’s just like normal soup, but you got a roll with it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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