LincolnHearts Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 33 minutes ago, 19QOS19 said: Is it bad I know who that is? (Not on a personal level of course) I’ll take a PM -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 Sheena Shaw 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 After shagging Kylie Minogue , I think there are 3 things you should know First her fanny is tight as f**k , a real struggle to get it in Secondly she takes it over the face with no complaints Thirdly the Madame Tussaud’s staff are miserable ,f**kers with no sense of humour 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 After shagging Kylie Minogue You should be so lucky.. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 1 hour ago, buchan30 said: You should be so lucky.. Lucky lucky lucky 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 I nicked this joke but Matt McGinn tells it better than me: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 11 hours ago, tamthebam said: I nicked this joke but Matt McGinn tells it better than me: Helen Keller would tell it better than you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 The man who invented autocorrect has died. May he roast in piss. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 Man and wife went to the zoo and noticed that the gorilla got a hard on when it looked at his wife Husband says “ lift up your skirt and flash your knickers at him “ The gorilla goes mental “ Now get your tits out and lick them “ The gorilla goes berserk The husband opens the cage and pushes the wife in “ now try telling him that you’ve got a f**king headache !” 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 Two guys walk into a bar, you’d have thought one of them would have seen it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 Just found out that even though it sank over 100 years ago, the Titanic’s swimming pool is still full of water. Amazing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 My grandad used to sell filofaxes to the mafia. He was involved in very organised crime. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteRoseKillie Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 On 18/01/2019 at 14:41, IainMorton said: The man who invented autocorrect has died. May he roast in piss. I heard that. Apparently the funfair is on moon dial. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Guy on the lash is sick in the taxi on the way home. "She'll go mental when she sees this" he says. "Ach don't worry" says the driver "Here's what you do. Stick £20 in your top pocket, say someone spewed all over you and put £20 in your pocket to pay for the shirt to be cleaned". He takes this sound advice and goes in. The wife is raging as expected and the guy tells her the story the taxi driver suggested that someone had been sick on him and gave him £20 to have the shirt cleaned. "But there's £40 in your pocket" she says. "Aye, he shit in my pants as well". 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 In the front row of one of those American-style self-improvement meetings are three women accompanied by their daughters. They've all filled in forms explaining what they hope to gain from the meeting so the presenter is aware of who's who. He comes on stage and points to the first woman. "Your problem is that you're obsessed with alcohol. You can't get enough of it. You even named your daughter 'Sherry'!" The woman grumbles a bit but doesn't reply. The guy says to the second woman, "Your problem is tobacco! You're a chain smoker - you even named your daughter 'Virginia'!" The third woman nudges her daughter and says, "C'mon, Fanny, I'm not staying here to be insulted!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 What do you call a Celtic fan with a big arse??Tim Kardashian. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 10 minutes ago, philpy said: What do you call a Celtic fan with a big arse?? Tim Kardashian. ^^^ reported 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Paddy goes for an interview... Interviewer - you will only earn £7.10 an hour but then it goes up to £12.50 after six months Paddy - that’s great Interviewer - when can you start? Paddy - in six months 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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