Jump to content

The joke thread: a thread for camaraderie and hilarity


Recommended Posts

37 minutes ago, AberdeenHibee said:

What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil?

You wouldn't pay to have a Lentil on your face. 

 

Would have given a greenie for that but I just know I'm going to tell that joke in an utterly inappropriate situation. Extended family up for Christmas and most of them are vegetarians.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast- fed or bottle- fed?
"Breast- fed,"she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for awhile in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 24/12/2018 at 10:08, GordonD said:

Man went to the doctor, who told him to face the window and stick his tongue out.

"Will that help you diagnose what's wrong with me?" the man asked.

"No," said the doctor, "but I can't stand the guy across the road."

Welcome back, Chick.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Couple in Lewis's in Argyle Street. They go to the menswear department and the woman asks, "Dae ye huv ony hankies wi' the initial 'S'?"

The assistant checks then says, "I'm sorry, madam, we appear to be out of stock of that particular letter. They should be back in next week - would you like to place an order?"

The woman says, "Naw, we'll no bother." To her husband, she says, "C'moan, Shug, we'll try somewhere else!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...