BillyAnchor Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 Asda have responded to requests to carry tinned pigeon with an official statement saying "No canned doo". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Lambies Doos Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 A man was found half battered to death at the teddy bears picnic. Police have released a statement saying he's stable but not out the woods yet. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 Asda have responded to requests to carry tinned pigeon with an official statement saying "No canned doo"... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AL-FFC Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 A teenage girl phones her dad at midnight and says: "Can you come and get me? I've missed the last bus and it's pouring with rain." "Ok," says her dad. "Where are you ringing fi?" The girl replies: "From the top of my head right down to my knickers". 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigBo10 Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 A teenage girl phones her dad at midnight and says: "Can you come and get me? I've missed the last bus and it's pouring with rain." "Ok," says her dad. "Where are you ringing fi?" The girl replies: "From the top of my head right down to my knickers".Are you adding the punchline later? -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 What do you call an IT teacher that touches up his pupils? A PDF file. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 Just downloaded a pirate copy of Bohemian Rhapsody online. I think it was filmed in a cinema as I can see a little silhouette of a man. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiepiemuncher Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 Just downloaded a pirate copy of Bohemian Rhapsody online. I think it was filmed in a cinema as I can see a little silhouette of a man.Was he doing the fandango? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 36 minutes ago, killiepiemuncher said: Was he doing the fandango? He was. Someone told him to sit down but he stoned them and spat in their eye. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 1 hour ago, IainMorton said: He was. Someone told him to sit down but he stoned them and spat in their eye. That's why nobody loves him 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiepiemuncher Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 That's why nobody loves himPoor boy. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 My grandad told me that when he first saw the Titanic he was sure it was going to sink. He tried to warn people but they wouldn’t listen. He never gave up though and kept trying to warn them until he was eventually kicked out of the cinema. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alta-pete Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 What do you call a camel with four humps? A Saudi Quattro 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The DA Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 8 minutes ago, alta-pete said: What do you call a camel with four humps? A Saudi Quattro Humphree (and a) Littleone? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeVanTeeth Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 Just got a part in a movie called Cocaine. I only have the one line though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Much more likely to be a fosters man. Feel quite personally attacked tbh 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 6 hours ago, NJ2 said: Much more likely to be a fosters man. Feel quite personally attacked tbh The big man stayed in Scotland for a bit. It was probably the lack of Tennents that tipped him over the edge...well that and that he was an utter psychopath? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 [Parisian restaurant, breakfast] Me: I hear you do the best toasted Cheese & Ham here. Server: That’s a croque monsieur. Me: Oh that’s a shame, I’ll have a croissant instead then please. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiepiemuncher Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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