jagfox Posted September 21, 2018 Share Posted September 21, 2018 I spent last night defrosting the fridge. Or foreplay as she likes to call it... =============== What did the Dundonian conjoined twins name their Autobiography? Oor Wullie... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted September 21, 2018 Share Posted September 21, 2018 (edited) Bloody predictive text. I sent a message to the sister in law asking if she'd like to go with me for a w ank by the river. I meant by the canal.... Edited September 21, 2018 by tamthebam bloody p&b rude word filter ruining the gag 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted September 22, 2018 Share Posted September 22, 2018 Did you know that a piranha can devour a small child down to the bone in less than 30 seconds? Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today... 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 guy gets a new rifle and goes out hunting.1st day he sees a bear, shoots it and goes to fetch his kill to find the bear isn't there. suddenly there is a tap on his shoulder, he turns around and the bear is stood there. bear says to him i will give you two choices i can kill you or shag you. so the man lets the bear shag him and trundles off defeated.a few weeks later the man is back vowing revenge on the bear. he spots him, takes aim and shoots. again he finds the bear isn't there. just then the bear taps him on the shoulder and says il give you two choices. can either shag you or kill you. the man gets a seeing too and heads off home agin. a few weeks later the man is back and even more determine to kill the bear. he spots the bear through the trees, takes aim and shoots. thinking he has won he trundles up to where the bear was only to find the bear is gone.just then he gets a tap on the shoulder, he turns around and the bear says to him "be honest, you're not here for the hunting are you" 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 What do you call a Scottish man who is almost at his house? Hamish. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 I can’t stand those people who think they’re worse of than everyone else... my mate Dave was in a bad car crash and lost his voice and both his legs Does he make s song and dance about it ? Does he f**k! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unleash The Nade Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 What do you call a one legged Chinese PE teacher? Wun Gym Shoo 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 53 minutes ago, Unleash The Nade said: What do you call a one legged Chinese PE teacher? Wun Gym Shoo His mate has both legs but leaves the laces loose on one of his shoes. He's from Taiwan. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The new Kia Ceed Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 1 hour ago, Unleash The Nade said: What do you call a one legged Chinese PE teacher? Wun Gym Shoo Reported for racism 43 minutes ago, GordonD said: His mate has both legs but leaves the laces loose on one of his shoes. He's from Taiwan. Love it mate. That's excellent humour, it really is. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 Apparently there is a peeping Tom living in almost every street in the country nowadays!! I know for a fact it's not the woman opposite, she just spends most of her time watching TV in her bedroom and playing with her phone. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unleash The Nade Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 8 hours ago, The new Kia Ceed said: Reported for racism Still infatuated with me I see. Also a bit rich coming from the sad and lonely , attention seeking racist, homophobic stalker who’s been banned from here in numerous occasions. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayrshire_nomad Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 Still infatuated with me I see. Also a bit rich coming from the sad and lonely , attention seeking racist, homophobic stalker who’s been banned from here in numerous occasions. [emoji3] I don't get this joke 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 (edited) 56 minutes ago, Unleash The Nade said: Still infatuated with me I see. Also a bit rich coming from the sad and lonely , attention seeking racist, homophobic stalker who’s been banned from here in numerous occasions. I don't get it. Eta, fùck you nomad. Edited September 24, 2018 by Sergeant Wilson 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayrshire_nomad Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 I don't get it. Eta, fùck you nomad.Harsh,But possibly justified 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The new Kia Ceed Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 4 hours ago, Unleash The Nade said: Still infatuated with me I see. Also a bit rich coming from the sad and lonely , attention seeking racist, homophobic stalker who’s been banned from here in numerous occasions. * on. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigBo10 Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 guy gets a new rifle and goes out hunting.1st day he sees a bear, shoots it and goes to fetch his kill to find the bear isn't there. suddenly there is a tap on his shoulder, he turns around and the bear is stood there. bear says to him i will give you two choices i can kill you or shag you. so the man lets the bear shag him and trundles off defeated.a few weeks later the man is back vowing revenge on the bear. he spots him, takes aim and shoots. again he finds the bear isn't there. just then the bear taps him on the shoulder and says il give you two choices. can either shag you or kill you. the man gets a seeing too and heads off home agin. a few weeks later the man is back and even more determine to kill the bear. he spots the bear through the trees, takes aim and shoots. thinking he has won he trundles up to where the bear was only to find the bear is gone.just then he gets a tap on the shoulder, he turns around and the bear says to him "be honest, you're not here for the hunting are you"I got told this for the first time about three weeks ago. The guy who told it strung it out for a while with lots of actions and what not. Was hilarious the way he told it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school? Oh, high marks... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 The wife’s sister knocked me out earlier I was so f*8king angry What sort of sick bitch puts chloroform on her dirty knickers ? 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The DA Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 5 hours ago, jagfox99 said: What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school? Oh, high marks... I'm assuming another pun about some modern celebrity but I'm fucked if I can work out what it's all about. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mishtergrolsch Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 9 hours ago, jagfox99 said: What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school? Oh, high marks... Such a quotable film yet so utterly shite. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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