19QOS19 Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 3 South African prisoners in a cell discussing their sentences, 2 white males and 1 black male. The first white male says he got 5 years for robbery but the judge said he was lucky, if it was armed robbery he'd have got 10 years. The second white male says he got 10 years for manslaugher but the judge said he was lucky, if it was 1st degree murder he'd have got over 20 years. The black male says he got 20 years for riding his bicycle with no lights on but the judge said he was lucky, if it had been dark he'd have given him life. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 On 26/06/2018 at 18:20, GordonD said: Guy walks into a pub and announces, "I'm sixty-two today!" The barman gives him a whisky on the house. The guy drinks it then says, "And I'm two tae ten tomorrow!" Guy goes into a pub singing “twenty one today, twenty one today....”. The barman gives him a drink on the house and the guy drinks it and starts singing “twenty two today...”. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 People in glass houses shouldn't... ...hold orgies! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShaggysBeard Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 My wife has just left me because I'm too insecure. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ShaggysBeard Posted July 5, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted July 5, 2018 Just now, ShaggysBeard said: My wife has just left me because I'm too insecure. Oh wait, false alarm. She's back now, she was just making me a cup of tea. 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiepiemuncher Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 I’ve been giggling all morning watching this...... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 1 hour ago, killiepiemuncher said: I’ve been giggling all morning watching this...... So the Mail will pay for videos of women peeing themselves? Think of that next time they have a go at some poor sod... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 Why did the ghost go to the strip club?To see some Boobies. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 Knock, knock!Who’s there?Atch Atch who?Bless you 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 Just now, Raidernation said: Knock, knock! Who’s there? Atch Atch who? Bless you Sounds like pneumonia, m8 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sujan Azad Parikh Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 What’s the difference between glue, a tuna and a piano?" "No idea." "You could tuna piano, but you couldn’t piano a tuna." "Oh. And what’s with the glue?" "I knew you'd get stuck there." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
topcat(The most tip top) Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 Doctor, Doctor I think I’m in the wrong jokeWho’s there? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 I went to the doctor the other day. I had a steering wheel sticking out the fly of my troosers. Doc asked me why I was there.Told him it was driving me nuts! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 How many potatoes does it take to kill and Irishman ? None. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mantis Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 What’s the difference between an egg and a w**k? you can beat an egg. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sujan Azad Parikh Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 4 minutes ago, Sujan Azad Parikh said: The boy sagged in relief 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sujan Azad Parikh Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 A man noticed his credit card has been stolen - but he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 Just scared my postman by going to the door totally naked. Don’t know what scared him more, the fact that I was naked or I knew where he stayed. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 England's world cup dreams. Gary Lineker's £1.7 million MOTD salary plus whatever he gets from BT Sport. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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