GordonD Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 There has been a collision in the English Channel - a ship loaded with brown paint has run into a ship loaded with red paint. The sailors are currently marooned. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 A large hole has emerged in the wall of Little mix changing room, police are looking into it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 Why did the man cross the road? He fell down the drain. This was the trophy winning joke told by my (then) 7yo younger brother at a package holiday kids talent show in Malaga. I can't remember exactly what my joke was, but it was definitely far superior. Absolutely shocking that a talent show rewards "awwww, look at the wee boy with stupid glasses on the stage" rather than genuine talent. The joke doesn't even make sense (should be "why DIDN'T the man cross the road?" if anything) and as a result I'm still, and quite rightfully raging 21 years on. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 That joke doesn't even begin to make sense, what the actual f**k? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sugna Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 1 hour ago, throbber said: A large hole has emerged in the wall of Little mix changing room, police are looking into it. Police have gone undercover to investigate reports that a man has been terrorizing a local nudist colony with a bacon slicer. While no arrests have yet been made, the Chief Inspector has had a tip-off. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 All the toilets from Queen Street station were stolen last night. Police say they have nothing to go on. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sugna Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 With Billy Smart's Circus continuing its Scottish tour, an elephant did the ton on the M8 last night. Police are advising motorists to treat it as a roundabout. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeyblair Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 2 hours ago, Hedgecutter said: Why did the man cross the road? He fell down the drain. This was the trophy winning joke told by my (then) 7yo younger brother at a package holiday kids talent show in Malaga. I can't remember exactly what my joke was, but it was definitely far superior. Absolutely shocking that a talent show rewards "awwww, look at the wee boy with stupid glasses on the stage" rather than genuine talent. The joke doesn't even make sense (should be "why DIDN'T the man cross the road?" if anything) and as a result I'm still, and quite rightfully raging 21 years on. Raging enough to say your younger brother wears stupid glasses. He must love you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DI Bruce Robertson Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 American Football is a "sport"Lol, ROFL, [emoji23] -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeyblair Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 Who is the most popular person in a hospital? The Ultrasound guy. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 Raging enough to say your younger brother wears stupid glasses. He must love you. a) He's worn contacts for years now, evidently didn't like specs. b) the specs had springs on the side of them, they were actually a bit stupid. c) brotherly love 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddiemunster Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 What do you call a woman wearing one yellow glove? Goldie Hawn. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AberdeenHibee Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 On 12/06/2017 at 04:42, AberdeenHibee said: Here mate, Went to a seafood disco the other night... Pulled a muscle. My favourite bad joke. My favourite bad joke: What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 My favourite bad/daft joke isWhat's E.T short for?Cause he's got wee legs 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gjca Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Who is the most popular person in a hospital? The Ultrasound guy. If he's on holiday then it's the hip replacement guy 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Did you hear about the dog with no legs? His owner used to take him for Draggies. * Where do you find a dog with no legs? Exactly where you left it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mantis Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 A man wi no legs at a bus stop. Along comes the bus and the driver says "hi Jimmy, how you getting on?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 A guy goes skydiving for the first time and is surprised to see a blind man climbing into the plane. He's wearing the full parachute gear so he's obviously not just along for the ride. The guy asks him, "Excuse me, but are you actually jumping today?" The blind man says, "Oh yes, I come here most weekends. I really enjoy the feeling of the wind rushing past my face!" The guy says, "If you don't mind me asking, how do you know when you're near the ground, so you can get ready for landing?" The blind man says, "It's easy. I just prepare myself when the dug's lead goes slack!" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't a chicken. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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