Most pathetic/comical customer meltdowns

[Ross.]

Finally explains what happened to the guy in the Gold forum who invested in Northern Rock.

From memory he lost most of his on Bradford and Bingley as well as some obscure Oil company that appeared to be a bit of a pump and dump.

[bud1876]

Refused a guy service as he was wanting to get pished with all his pals in the pub whilst his child, who can't have been any older than five, sat outside. Went absolutely ballistic, told me he was getting me sacked, the usual 'do you not know who I am' garbage.

Upon finally ejecting his lardy arse from the premises he phoned ten minutes later to hurl yet more abuse, saying he knows the editor of the Dundee Evening Telegraph and that I should expect a story about myself slamming the ridiculous decision to not serve him.

I know regional newspapers are a bit shite but come on, even that's getting desperate.

You'll be shocked to hear that the 'story' was never published.

Charlie Mulgrew?

[maccanee]

N

[Hillonearth]

Used to work in a clothes shop in Glasgow and a guy who used to own one of the Rainbow Room hairdresser franchises used to come in and act like he owned the place several times a week demanding staff followed him about the shop and treated him like a VIP.

I clocked onto it one day and couldn't stand the way he treated staff so I thought "f**k you". He asked for a jacket to be put by for him while he thought about it. It wasn't our policy to put stock behind for anyone so he kicked off and said "do you know who I am"?......

Eventually I said, As a one off I'd put it behind for him (to let him think he was winning) but as soon as he left the store, I put it back on the rack and someone else bought it shortly after.

The guy eventually strolls back in asking for the jacket and I told him it was sold and that someone must have put it back on the shop floor. Cue him calling me a terrible member of staff and that I was bad at my job. He was a seething mess. Didn't see him for a while after that

I used to work part time in a city centre record shop at weekends and during the uni holidays. One of Reo Stakis' sons had previously ordered some stuff and came in to pick it up, but IIRC a couple of import things hadn't come in yet. He launched into a rant to the manager and ended with the immortal "Do you know who I am?" line.

The manager burst his bubble with "Not got a clue - you do realise it's only your old man who's actually famous...?"

[CALDERON]

Had to decline a punter's bet at the start of last season because he wanted Man City to win the league, Burnley to be relegated and Aguero to finish top goalscorer because it was a related bet. Tears and snotters everyfuckingwhere; "I pay your wages" etc. He took my name to report me to customer services, claiming he would not only complain about me, but he would also get his bet placed as a free bet.

Customer relations phoned me an hour later to tell me I was right to not take the bet, and that no such free bet had been rewarded. Pleasing.

Because I'm now situated in the scummiest part of Aberdeen, I constantly have junkies coming in to try and sell stuff; shoes, laptops, phones, fake football tops, the lot. Last week topped it though, junkie tried to sell me shower gel and chicken wings.

Where about in Aberdeen?

[DA Baracus]

I used to work part time in a city centre record shop at weekends and during the uni holidays. One of Reo Stakis' sons had previously ordered some stuff and came in to pick it up, but IIRC a couple of import things hadn't come in yet. He launched into a rant to the manager and ended with the immortal "Do you know who I am?" line.

The manager burst his bubble with "Not got a clue - you do realise it's only your old man who's actually famous...?"

Which surely indicates he knows exactly who he was

[DA Baracus]

Where about in Aberdeen?

I'm going to guess Tillydrone/Woodside or Torry

[Uncle Psychosis]

Worked in a shop for a couple of summers and there are few things more satisfying than watching someone's blood pressure skyrocket and face go bright red as they become more and more seething that you won't sell them a £2 pack of biscuits for 30p because the price was makes incorrectly. Even more satisfying when you just stand with a Greggy Wallace 'pleasing' grin which gets them even more raging.

As a student I worked in an RS McColls. Did the nightshift too which only added to the bampottery we'd encounter.

Once incident that comes to mind is the time this fairly young guy came to the till at about 9.58pm on a Friday to buy three bottles of wine. My mate scanned it at the till and it came up as something like £4.30 (classy shop, classy wine). The guy complains that "it said £4 on the shelf". Now, normally we'd have let it slide but before we could get a word in edgeways this guy launches into this poncy monologue about how he's a law student and how "he knows" that we have to sell it to him at the price on the shelf and blah blah blah blah blah customer rights etc etc etc. So, my mate rather calmly informed him that he obviously didn't know the law as well as he thought he did, that we could refuse to sell anything to anyone without needing a reason, that it was now 10pm so our alcohol license meant we could no longer sell him alcohol anyway even if we wanted to, and that he could try the off-license across the road but that seeing as how it was 10pm and they'd just switched their lights off that he was probably out of luck. Oops.

[Sergeant Wilson]

My mate used to work in the death camps.

Some amount of moaning and complaining went on in them.

[The_Kincardine]

Couple of years ago a customer went a bit mental at me 'cos neither my team member nor I would take his complaint about his holiday seriously. Started cursing and swearing and threatening a Social Media vandetta because I didn't offer any financial compensation.

P&B recognises only one vandetta:

http://www.pieandbovril.com/forum/index.php/topic/142537-thundermonkeys-vandetta/

[smpar]

Where about in Aberdeen?

I'm going to guess Tillydrone/Woodside or Torry

George Street. The amount of absolute jakes you can encounter on one street is astonishing. I had to phone the police because of a customer meltdown one night a couple of months back and I genuinely didn't want to leave work at closing time as I was convinced that this utter psycho was waiting for me.

Never been into Tillydrone, but Woodside and Torry are absolute shiteholes as well, though I'd still say George Street trumps them.

[welshbairn]

Because I'm now situated in the scummiest part of Aberdeen, I constantly have junkies coming in to try and sell stuff; shoes, laptops, phones, fake football tops, the lot. Last week topped it though, junkie tried to sell me shower gel and chicken wings.

Don't believe a word of that, junkies need a guaranteed income that only burglary can provide, gambling chicken wings falls well short.

[Gaz FFC]

Because I'm now situated in the scummiest part of Aberdeen, I constantly have junkies coming in to try and sell stuff; shoes, laptops, phones, fake football tops, the lot.

Oh that must be handy at Xmas time.

Save you fighting through the crowds and also save you a few quid. Win win.

[BFTD]

I got yelled at by an elderly lady for offering her a carrier bag a few weeks back. She'd been perfectly nice up until then, when she snapped, "NO! And I'll tell you for why..."

Cue a long, loud diatribe about how advertising on carrier bags is illegal, as has been proven time and again in the courts, and that I...*jabs finger*...I was in breach of the law, and she'd be perfectly within her rights to lodge a complaint with the authorities about the matter, and that I should feel lucky that she wasn't the type of person to pursue these things...

Went on for a good wee while, even after I dropped eye contact and started trying to serve other customers, who looked as confused as I felt. She suddenly snapped back to nice again soon after, thanked me for what she'd bought, and left.

Now, I'm not sure if this is related to the topic really, but I've been wanting to share as I'm still confused about it...

I was doing a bit of fundraising a few months back, dressed up in a daft costume for the weans, with a bucket for folk to fling their change into. Wasn't asking anyone for money, as it was obvious what I was doing there and didn't want to embarrass anyone, just having a chat with folk on the way past. I threw a "morning sir!" at a very formally dressed older gentleman who walked by, who immediately broke stride and sidled up to whisper to me that he wouldn't be making a donation. I said that wasn't a problem, I just thought I'd say hello, to which he said, "no, you see, I won't be donating because I've spent my life working for an organisation that has raised more money than any other in Great Britain. We've helped feed the starving in Africa, given succour to children with terminal diseases, housed refugees torn from the bosom of their homeland..."

I was treated to a lengthy speech about the tremendous and varied humanitarian efforts made by his organisation, in increasingly flowery and grandiose language, and at a gradually escalating volume. I was left in no doubt that, while they may not have cured cancer or flown to the moon yet, those were things that were very much on the agenda and would be remedied forthwith. I was starting to get a bit worried as he seemed to be becoming angered the more he spoke, but he ran out of achievements eventually and finished with a thunderous flourish: "...and do you know to which organisation I refer? THE FRATERNAL ORDER OF BRITISH FREEMASONS!"

He clearly felt he'd laid an epic smackdown, and regarded me with a seething, silent glare for a few seconds until I could muster up a feeble, "that's...great?" He seemed satisfied, gave me a curt nod, and strolled off down the street with nary a look back in my direction.

Now, I ask you - what the f**k was that all about?

[Swarley]

I once received a couple of ears from dead calves in the mail

[BFTD]

I once received a couple of ears from dead calves in the mail

...there's a punchline coming, I know it.

How did you know they were dead? As an adopted Aussie, surely you should know that it's possible to cut off a backpacker's ears without killing them.

Calf; sorry, I meant calf.

[Swarley]

...there's a punchline coming, I know it.

How did you know they were dead? As an adopted Aussie, surely you should know that it's possible to cut off a backpacker's ears without killing them.

Calf; sorry, I meant calf.

Nah no punchline. Was 20 years ago when I worked in the Scottish Government (as was).

Part of my job was verifying farmers subsidy claims. I'd notified a guy that I was coming out to his farm to do an inspection on his cattle.

The next day I arrived in the office to find a large jiffy bag in my in tray. Opened it up to find a couple of calves ears and a note explaining that they'd recently died and wouldn't be present at the inspection.

He was a known nut case and had previous but this was a new level. I should have really put them on a piece of string and worn them at the inspection but instead I took my boss with me as backup in case my ears were next.

[thisal]

N

I suggest you finish on the pan before you post.

[The Minertaur]

I've had a couple of jobs where I've dealt with the public face to face. I've had all sorts of stuff happen.

I worked for Argos at Uni for a couple of years and there would be a meltdown most days. I would normally work stockroom/collection counter so wasn't as face to face as others but still had all the morons. when i did work tills One such incident saw a neddy girl come over to collect a toy for her child but had managed to lose her receipt from the checkout to the other side of the store. She went off her head accusing me of calling her a liar and a f**king thief and that she'd be complaining to my manager. The whole time I was trying to to ask her who served her so I could go and find out if she had bought something. I went over to ask but by the time I returned the receipt had magically reppeared out of her pocket.

Another incident at Argos saw me having to ID somebody who was buying a set of kitchen knives. Only allowed to sell knives to anyone over the age of 16 and this guy of course had no ID. He basically started having a go at me saying that he was starting as a trainee chef that day and that I was ruining his career. Think he complained to management before getting his brother to come in and buy them. I expect to see him on Masterchef one day.

Argos again! Most people will know that Argos has a seperate jewellery section from the main checkouts. A guy bought ear rings for his girlfriend (big spender) and prompty left the shop and broke them. He returned about 5 minutes after buying them but was served by me on the till. He'd binned his receipt as soon as he left the shop and was demanding a full refund. When I said I would need to see a receipt at the start of the conversation he started saying he was going to phone the police and that I was commiting fraud. He got a refund of something like £8 once my colleague confirmed he had just been in the shop.

The worst incident I had was when I worked at a bank. I opened accounts as well as working on the tills - one day I was sent to another branch to cover the sales side and counter side at lunch. A rather drunken man came in with his nephew and I had the pleasure of serving him. The guy passed a cheque through to me (over £10k if I remember right) and said he wanted to pay it in. He didn't have an account and as the cheque was in his name I told him he'd need to pay it in to an account in his name. No accounts at any other bank so I suggested he open one with us.

Of course though he had no ID at all - no passport, no driving license nothing. The list of what he said is as follows -

"you specky twat"

"I'm going to f**king stab you"

"you're a f**king c**t"

"gimme my money"

Surprisingly he never did get an account open with us. Charming fellow. Best bit was his nephew who kept trying to calm him down who didn't apologise to me but just told me to ignore him threatening to stab me

[skinny]

A couple of weeks ago I witnessed a female customer having a meltdown at a coffee shop in a homewares store because the woman on the till wouldn't accept a £100 note. She was trying to pay for a couple of coffees and cakes, I think less than a tenner in total and was told the policy was not to accept notes over £50. All she had was the £100 note and was starting to go completely mental until the next person in the queue swapped her £100 for smaller notes. She vowed to 'take it further', might be all over twitter or facebook but I can't be bothered to look. Seemed to be an awful over-reaction for what was a minor inconvenience, how many people go out with only a £100 note?