Fudge Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this before as it's probably the only thing I'm genuinely ashamed of. I was shagging a girl I really liked and assumed it was going to lead into a proper relationship as we got on really well. We were on a night out with friends and asked her if she wanted to start a proper relationship. She said she didn't and liked the casual nature of our current arrangement. I was a bit upset at this fact so got absolutely steaming and left the group at some point. The next time I realised where I was, I was at the end of my street with an ice axe in hand and had smashed the window of every car for a couple of hundreds metres. I'm still horrified at my behaviour any time I think about it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamieT1314 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Did you get lifted? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this before as it's probably the only thing I'm genuinely ashamed of. I was shagging a girl I really liked and assumed it was going to lead into a proper relationship as we got on really well. We were on a night out with friends and asked her if she wanted to start a proper relationship. She said she didn't and liked the casual nature of our current arrangement. I was a bit upset at this fact so got absolutely steaming and left the group at some point. The next time I realised where I was, I was at the end of my street with an ice axe in hand and had smashed the window of every car for a couple of hundreds metres. I'm still horrified at my behaviour any time I think about it Did you get caught? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this before as it's probably the only thing I'm genuinely ashamed of. I was shagging a girl I really liked and assumed it was going to lead into a proper relationship as we got on really well. We were on a night out with friends and asked her if she wanted to start a proper relationship. She said she didn't and liked the casual nature of our current arrangement. I was a bit upset at this fact so got absolutely steaming and left the group at some point. The next time I realised where I was, I was at the end of my street with an ice axe in hand and had smashed the window of every car for a couple of hundreds metres. I'm still horrified at my behaviour any time I think about it This thread has taken a sinister turn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudge Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I didn't get caught. I've no idea of the time but probably between 3-4am. It was a case of a moment of clarity where I realised where I was and what I'd done. I've no idea if anyone saw me or spoke to me while I was smashing the windows but when the penny dropped no one was there. I legged it home and had the ultimate fear the next day. I didn't answer the door buzzer for at least a couple of weeks fearing it was the police but I got away with it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I didn't get caught. I've no idea of the time but probably between 3-4am. It was a case of a moment of clarity where I realised where I was and what I'd done. I've no idea if anyone saw me or spoke to me while I was smashing the windows but when the penny dropped no one was there. I legged it home and had the ultimate fear the next day. I didn't answer the door buzzer for at least a couple of weeks fearing it was the police but I got away with it I hope you haven't pissed off pccabe recently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I didn't get caught. I've no idea of the time but probably between 3-4am. It was a case of a moment of clarity where I realised where I was and what I'd done. I've no idea if anyone saw me or spoke to me while I was smashing the windows but when the penny dropped no one was there. I legged it home and had the ultimate fear the next day. I didn't answer the door buzzer for at least a couple of weeks fearing it was the police but I got away with itUntil now. I'm telling pccabe.Eta.just in time to be too late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudge Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 After my rejection it became slightly awkward with the girl and I didn't see her for years until I took my seat at Hampden for the commonwealth games athletics and her and her boyfriend were sitting next to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamieT1314 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Should've handed yourself in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 After my rejection it became slightly awkward with the girl and I didn't see her for years until I took my seat at Hampden for the commonwealth games athletics and her and her boyfriend were sitting next to me. Shame you didn't have your ice axe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeAreElgin Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Once woke up in my dad's spare room with an itchy arse. That itch in my arse turned out to be curried wallpaper paste that had fused my arse cheeks and legs together which was an alarming thing to wake up to - I rolled out of bed to find a perfectly formed mound of shite sitting in the corner of the room. Absolutely no recollection of getting home let alone getting to bed and doing a shite on the floor. Going out in elgin wasn't kind to me as a teenager. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I was sleeping off a sesh in Madwullie's bed once and apparently got up at some point and pissed in the corner all over his ties that were lying there (so he says). He also claims he only noticed when he was sitting in work and noticed the reek of piss coming from his tie. Not sure who comes out worse from this story. To be fair, it's probably me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Dee Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Ive got the Pet Shop Boys getting away with it song in my head now. Did Electronic not do a cover also? "I've bin getting awa wi it, aw meh life" My finest drunken #gettingawawiit tale happened in Kenya, early 2001. The second week of R&R would be spent in Malindi. Our, my girlfriend at the time had flown across, first week was spent on safari, which can be a bit hectic and uncomfortable but worth it IMO, so the second would be solely chilling on the beach. However, the first night at the hotel would also be the last night for a trio of total jakebomb singelies from our camp, in Nairobi. 1200. The afternoon after the first night. Oh Boy! I'd been here before. Total Quantum Leap moment coming to and not knowing how the devil I'd got there. I was in bed and I had been disturbed, not by Al, but the missus. Bizarrely, she was hairdrying the bed. "The f**k are you daeing?" "Your side o the beds aw wet" I instinctively felt the huge sodden map of Africa on the bed sheets. "Aw naw. For f**k sake. Naw." "Did you spill something?" Christ, how naive can you get? Brilliant girl but her dizziness knew no bounds at times. "I swamped" "What?" "I've pished the bed" It was my debut pish stained cap. I'd never done it before, not since I was a wee laddie obvs and not through drink. However, my experience of other swamp monsters, in the army, had taught me all I needed to know. Get up. Strip sheets from bed. Through them in the bath. Turn taps on. Turn mattress over. Mattress check good. The recovery process is a hell of a lot more easier if you haven't soaked through. Went through to the bathroom and trample washed the sheets, thus eliminating the potential of an amber mark of shame appearing. Luckily our room was on the first floor, in the corner of the complex. They sheets will dry in no time in this heat and no c**t will see them. The perfect crime heh heh heh. I then asked the missus to fill in the blanks, I had, from the previous evening. I used to suffer from crippling paranoia after being leaped. Dished out a fair amount of cheek but I wasn't bad with it, ok I can live wi that. Kept calling another guest Steve, when his name was Stuart. Again, that's awright. Stuart or Stu, was an overweight 40 something bus driver from Basingstoke. He also knew a thing about everything, owned brown leather sandals, and a pair of, post box red, speedos. Not that you would want to, but the speedos took on the appearance of a man thong at closer quarters. This was due to the fact he had owned them for ten years and were becoming, more than, a little thread bare around the arse. Stu had become *double thumbs up* holiday buddies with my colleagues, in the previous week. Back to the night before, I had engaged in some target practice, on another guest. The reason for this being he wore a t shirt with a large, RAF style, bullseye on the front. My weapon of choice was the doofer, I had soaked a few napkins and scrunched them up forming a ball. The first time he walked pass the table, on the way to the bar. SPLAT! Dead centre, ooooft tak that. Everyone found it funny, even the recipient. Patience wore thin, yes even thinner than the stretched see through fabric of Steves peado pants, after the fourth time I launched a doofer and it twatted him on the back the napper. Words were exchanged, feelings were considered, apologies were offered and, thankfully, hands were shook. Hmmmm, well it sounds like I was being a bit of c**t but stopped short of going full blown complete c**t. One last thing. Pinballing my way back to the room and telling the lass to "Standby for the best ride in your life. In fact, no, scratch that. Haud the front pages. Stop the press. This gonna be the f**k of the century!" This one in every one hundred year event consisted of me falling unconscious as the lass, tried to bring the wee man to life, conducted mouth to helmet resuscitation. Aw talk an no trousers . As much use to her as a cheap sausage roll, aw pastry and nae meat :(. Sakes :( The heeby jeebies are bad enough n their own but now I have to contend with reek of my evaporating pish. Our room was fast becoming to smell like a refugee camp for gingers. Shit, shower, shave and then shandy. I'm not out of the woods yet. After a couple of beers and I'll back on my A game. Sunk a couple then BOOM! That's the fucker. An idea. Made my excuses to the Thora Hird telling her to go the beauty spa for an hour or so and it was my treat that would go some way to apologising for my lack of bodily control. went to the room and made up the bed, with the now dry and pish stain free sheets. Then made my way to reception. I would, obviously, have to show a lot more self control than I did the night before. If so much as, the slightest, of smirks appeared on my face the gigs fucked and I'll get slapped wi the ultimate shame, that is a soiling charge. I played a blinder. I had managed to, calmly, make a complaint of a strange odour in room 237. Politely explaining that our theory of the slight whiffyness present might have been a drainage issue was destroyed upon our return from breakfast. As there was no such smell outside and it had now increased to dreadful funk inside. I thanked the lad at the desk and said i would be in the area of the pool bar atap, if they needed to get in contact for whatever reason. I had played the part of the polite stuttering twit that is Hugh Grant, minus the BJs fae street lassies obvs, to a tee. An hour, or so, passed before a rather flustered hotel manager introduced himself to me and apologising first for his tardiness in regards to an issue of such importance and then for the extreme discomfort, we had no doubt suffered, within room 237. I was now back in character saying that it wasn't really too unpleasant to begin with and I didn't think it was anything a liberal dousing of fabreze wouldn't fix. The manager had other ideas we were to be given a free upgrade, not to the slight improvement that would a poolside room. We were being upgraded to one of their luxury honeymoon suite beach villas. Furthermore, he insisted that someone would pack up our belongings and hand boll them to our new luxurious quarters. He didn't want us to experience the further discomfort or displeasure that returning to 237 would undoubtedly bring. I thanked him very much for his professionalism and dedication to his guests. The lass appeared just as the manager was leaving with a warm glow in his beefy from the reek I'd just blown up his arse. What are you like and some boi was all she kept saying through her laughter. #gettingawawiit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stawner upper Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Man of the match award for that...well played mate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Dee Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Ive another, which is the polar opposite of the above #huckled. I do feel it doesn't belong in this thread as its more a tale of horrific sexual tragedy than one of getting steaming and/ or #gettingawawiit. Probably best held in the dark vaults of NSFW. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin_Nevis Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 That's in the Shitting stories thread in the Gold Section by Shawfield Stallion. Can't get it to quote but I've copied and pasted. Possibly my favourite ever post on here That's the one. I just re-read the thread and that's my favourite by a mile. Second place goes to the guy who left a giant toley on a beach being barked at by an alsatian. Genius. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gavin_3110 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Ive another, which is the polar opposite of the above #huckled. I do feel it doesn't belong in this thread as its more a tale of horrific sexual tragedy than one of getting steaming and/ or #gettingawawiit. Probably best held in the dark vaults of NSFW. No please, I insist. ETA - Found EddieMunster's story from NSFW, absolutely fantastic. - Link Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boostin' Kev Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I feel atrocious today might stay aff it for the rest of the month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Dee Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 No please, I insist. ETA - Found EddieMunster's story from NSFW, absolutely fantastic. - Link Eddies is a belter I'll see if I can get in the zone tonight and get it typed up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endieinreekie Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 No please, I insist. ETA - Found EddieMunster's story from NSFW, absolutely fantastic. - Link That is superb. 'baw deep in a hunchback' pmsl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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