Boostin' Kev Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I have been in at least two life threatening situations whilst drunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 The TS website is still live after all this time! It's very dated mind. Here's Caprice in a Pars jacket. DSC03287.jpg Nostalgic w**k!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawfield shed boy Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Far too many black outs for me, Fuk knows what ive done and probably better i dont know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stawner upper Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 The night Liverpool won the champions league. Down in Neath that night pubs were not too busy, but by the end of it they were bouncing and a mega session occurred, I don't know how we managed to get back to the hotel but we did...I went to my room goes to bed,comes to in the early hours naked and about thirty feet up doin a pish off a scaffolding that was round the hotel. Kind of been in a few situations over the years. Got steaming 1 night down in Salisbury, needed a pish thought I could nip round the back of some old building that just happened to be a Cathedral and just before I got the Tadger out a police torch in my face, I was warned I couldn't do the toilet there, so I decided best not, so I walked to my hotel with the coppers walking behind me....only thing to do, pished myself on the way back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Went to a party a some random guys house who lost control fairly early on. Ended up with all his wooden furniture chucked over the wall into the neighbouring sawmill, playing golf on the lawn with stones or anything available. Someone found porn mags and the were ripped up and chucked out the window. The entire garden was covered in shredded up filth. His dad was a dentist and ran the practise from his house. Guessing he wasn't too happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I was pretty drunk last Friday and called quite a big girl "Andre the Giant" in the queue at the cash machine. #exciting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin_Nevis Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Was there a similar thread in NSFW where a guy got plastered and ended up shiting all over a rabbit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Think my worst episode was back in '82 as a fresher. Coming from Caithness, even at 17 I had a ridiculous tolerance, but it was last exam. I left Marishall College at 3pm (exam was 2 - 5, I still passed). Straight to the Union for several bottles of Newcastle Brown (my then choice of drink from the union as it wasn't draught, so I kent fit I was getting) Cycled back to Hillhead (it's a pucklie miles) had another couple of bottles before setting out again. Stops at the Bobbin, "Beastie", Blue Lamp, Kirkgate, then back to the Union. I remember about 11pm ish, sitting on the stairs in the Dungeon bar, throwing up over the shoes of one of the Porters who recommended that my friends take me home. Back at Hillhead I ended up in one of the 2 loos in our "flat". About an hour later, friends battering on the door to get me out, I wasn't for moving. To kotivate me I was told "Iain needs to pee". Despite there being another cludgie, my immediate (engineering student) response was "There's plenty sinks. Woke up the following feeling rough, but not dying, but needed to wash my jeans to clean sick off them. About 5pm I'm ironing them dry in the flat kitchen and can still smell sick...cue me sniffing up and down to find the sick patch, then realizing it was my flat mate liberally throwing parmesan cheese all over his spag bol. To this day I cannot abide parmesan cheese. Despite all my ridiculous drinking, never have I blacked out or passed out. Sadly I remembered everything the day after. Mortifying. Especially the night I espoused my undying love for a young lady by the name od Fiona, at the top of my voice, at about 1230am, at Johnson Halls. Glad to be sober these days, f**k knows what stupid shite I'd do now............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Walked (staggered) into someone else's house thinking it was mine and nearly got stabbed by the occupant in their kitchen. It's mental what goes through your mind at times like this. Woke up with a carton of milk next to me one time and only one shoe on. Other one was in the fridge. Went to a gig at Ivory Blacks with a mate of mine who turned up pished and showed no sign of slowing down. After the band had finished about 12.30, he sat down at the bar and passed out - I was over the other side of the hall when I saw him getting dragged out by two bouncers still sleeping, only to wake up as they got him to the door. I asked if there was any chance of him getting back in, and evidently there wasn't, so I just got on with the night. The place was open till 3 so I stayed, got something to eat at the kebab shop next door and hopped a taxi. Just as the taxi was turning into Argyle St I saw him in the distance looking purposeful and stomping away in the other direction. Phoned him the next day to find out why he was still bumbling about the city centre 2hrs+ after he'd been flung out - he said he had no idea when he'd got home, but asked me if he'd been carrying anything when I saw him - he hadn't been. Turns out somewhere between Glasgow city centre and the South Side in the early hours of the morning he'd managed to acquire a horse's saddle which was sitting in his hallway. He's still none the wiser. Brilliant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Minertaur Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Was there a similar thread in NSFW where a guy got plastered and ended up shiting all over a rabbit? That's in the Shitting stories thread in the Gold Section by Shawfield Stallion. Can't get it to quote but I've copied and pasted. I went to a mates 21st in town a few Fridays ago. Much merriment was had in the halls before we all toddled off to Strathy Union. Once in, I'm queuing at the bar and some student buys a tray of shots and turns around to give them out to his friends. I, being slightly drunk and a bit of a dick, decide to take one. He questions my actions and I drunkenly respond "I have a job, my tax paid for this " Whether he saw my point or not, he shrugged, me and his mates clinked glasses and a shot was consumed. Back to the queue. Next person orders some tequilas, so I leer over "Get us one mate," "err...why?" "because my tax pays for you to come here." Again he thinks about it, agrees and sends a shot my way. I may have been drunk but I start to see a pattern emerging and take to hanging around the bar harrassing anyone I can grab the attention of, badgering them for drinks and generally being a prize cockend. Unfortunately for me as more and more free shots are consumed the more and more forceful my badgering becomes, and eventually someone takes offense and dobs me in to security, who promptly find me and escort me from the premises. No problem, I thought. I'll phone my mate and get him to come out and rescue me... only my phone's not there, I'd left on my mates desk when I got changed. I'm now stranded, I have no clue where the halls are. I then figure the best bet is to ask passers by if they know my friend and try and get his number. So I set about slurring his name to anyone unfortunate enough to pass me. Eventually I speak to this girl who says she doesn't know him however I am welcome to come back with her and facebook him. I don't have a facebook or even know how to work it, but she says she'll do it for me so off I toddle with her and her mates; two guys, two girls. It takes a good 20 minutes walk to get back and we're all talking, turns out one of the guys was a Thistle fan and one of the girls was as much a South Park freak as me, so we're all having a good laugh. Finally we get there and fire off a facebook message, to which my mates responds to pretty much straight away (thank f**k for Blackberrys) with his block and flat number. So she writes it down for me, I put it in my wallet and was about to set off when one of the guys asks if I would like to accompany them for pizza, beer and Fifa. Well I'm not refusing that, am I? Eventually the ladies retire to bed and we get out some vodka and we have some shots of that. However the extra beer and vodka now sees me uber-fucked. So I ask if I can sleep in their kitchen. Them also being fairly well cut, too cut to understand the ramifications of letting a stranger stay in their kitchen, agreed. My night was saved. Next thing I know, I had just woken up. It was light outside and I had a massive headache but something was wrong. I'd gone to sleep with my breeks on, and now they were off, as were my boxers. I sit up in an attempt to find my boxers and see them in a neat pile on the floor, next to a tea towel caked in shit. "Nmmmm," I think. "I really should get rid of that" I get up and go to grab something to pick it up with, when I notice that there's several dried shit marks running down my leg. No worries, thinks I, and head to the sink to wash it off. After succesfully washing my legs I turn around to see a shit covered wire cage with it's roof slightly bent. I stumble over it and find the contents of the cage are also plastered with shit. Theres shit covered straw, a shit covered feeding bowl and one shit covered rabbit nonchalently munching a shit covered carrot Needless to say I quickly put on my pants and ran out of there as fast as I could. I still expect one of them to remember my mates address and exact their revenge by coming round and shitting all over his beloved family pet, but they haven't as yet. I bet they won't be having any more strangers to stay though Possibly my favourite ever post on here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 That's in the Shitting stories thread in the Gold Section by Shawfield Stallion. Can't get it to quote but I've copied and pasted. Possibly my favourite ever post on here That is a cracker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boostin' Kev Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Couldn't be arsed reading it unfortunately which is a shame because I wanted to know how some boy shat on a rabbit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 One year in Ibiza I got insanely wrecked on the first night and had to be carried home. Woke up the next absolutely dying and had no clue what happened but apart from needing to be carried home it was non-eventful. Later in the day we could all smell a strong smell of pish but the window was always open and we were next to the sea so we assumed it was sewage or something. Found out about 2 days later that there was a puddle of pish under my bed (my bed was quite close to the wall so no need to go down one side of it), must've whipped the walloper out and had a pish at the side of the bed cause myself, the bed and the sheets were bone dry and didnt stink of pish. ETA: Luckily I was in the apartment myself when I clocked it so used a towel to mop it up and fucked it in the bin, said I was moving to the spare bed away from the window as the smell from outside was too strong . Didnt tell them the truth until well after the holiday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gkneil Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 After a night out a mate once had to stop off for a shit so he popped into some bushes in the park he was walking through, did his business but then when he pulled up his boxers he realised he'd managed to shit in them while they were round his ankles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 Couldn't be arsed reading it unfortunately which is a shame because I wanted to know how some boy shat on a rabbit. Trust me is worth a read and now i'm going to go read the shitting stories thread again because its comedy gold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottR96 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I'm absolutely howling at that Shawfield Stallion post. Some boi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinkinFighter Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Shat on someone's garden path because I couldn't make it home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Possibly shared this on here before but I might as well again... When I was 19/20ish I lived/studied/worked in Greenock and had a flat just up from the college building in Finnart St. One of the neighbours from the next block up was an old woman with a wee dog. She would walk her dog a couple of times a day around the block(Finnart St, Robertson St, Brisbane St and then Patrick St, if anyone is interested), and for some reason, her dog would always shite directly in front of the door that led into my block.The old biddy was an inconsiderate c*nt who didn't clean up after her wee chum had done it's business. Initially, I spoke to her about it, having left or entered the flat on a few occasions while the dog quite literally was caught in the act. Her response was that it was only nature and she couldn't stop him. I wasn't best please with the response, but didn't take it much further at the time. Eventually, the inevitable happened, I came home drunk one night and walked over one of the shites, leaving my shoe honking and me needing to clean the mess. Rather than taking the sensible option, leaving my shoe outside, cleaning it the following morning, talking to her again etc etc, I decided that direct action was the best way to deal with it. In short, I went into my flat, put a newspaper on the floor, done a massive shit on it, then carried it outside and left it sitting directly in front of the entrance to her block. I'm not sure if she seen it first or if some other poor b*****d found it, but I never again left my flat to find dog shite dotted across the pavement outside(No more than average for Greenock anyway), so I took it as a sign of success. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 This subject makes me feel like I have been a terrible person - can't really think of many tales that don't involve criminality or fall deep into NSFW territory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 This subject makes me feel like I have been a terrible person - can't really think of many tales that don't involve criminality or fall deep into NSFW territory. Just no been steaming enough is all. Stop being a poof and get it tanned! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.