Steaming Stories

[MarkoRaj]

Similarly, I got in to the wrong bed one night. We'd had a bit of a party and I was up last for a change (I normally slink off and fall asleep on the bog). As I was steaming and stinking of fags and booze I thought I'd be a nice husband and sleep in the spare room. Early in the morning I got up and got into bed with the missus. She asked if I'd slept on the sofa. "No", says I. "I slept in the spare bed". But my friend was sleeping in the spare bed, says missus. We both got up to investigate and found her pal on the sofa. I think I'd scared her when I got into bed next to her, not even realising she was there.

Terrible excuses thread for this pish

[Hillonearth]

Went to a gig at Ivory Blacks with a mate of mine who turned up pished and showed no sign of slowing down. After the band had finished about 12.30, he sat down at the bar and passed out - I was over the other side of the hall when I saw him getting dragged out by two bouncers still sleeping, only to wake up as they got him to the door. I asked if there was any chance of him getting back in, and evidently there wasn't, so I just got on with the night.

The place was open till 3 so I stayed, got something to eat at the kebab shop next door and hopped a taxi. Just as the taxi was turning into Argyle St I saw him in the distance looking purposeful and stomping away in the other direction.

Phoned him the next day to find out why he was still bumbling about the city centre 2hrs+ after he'd been flung out - he said he had no idea when he'd got home, but asked me if he'd been carrying anything when I saw him - he hadn't been.

Turns out somewhere between Glasgow city centre and the South Side in the early hours of the morning he'd managed to acquire a horse's saddle which was sitting in his hallway. He's still none the wiser.

[itzdrk]

Nothing mental but i have woken up on Barassie beach on far too many occasions.

The last time was when it was by the polis, not because i learned my lesson i just moved away shortly after.

Even drunk itzdrk kens ye don't sleep outside in Paisley.

[Mr Bairn]

Two of my mates got steaming in Hive, then when it closed at 3am they walked up to St Andrews square and got a megabus to the South of France

[Honest Saints Fan]

Got drunk on Vodka at 16. Cycled around Halfords and snogged the face off my female friend outside Asda in Perth at 6pm on a Friday night in front of family shoppers. Haven't touched Vodka since.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

Went to a gig at Ivory Blacks with a mate of mine who turned up pished and showed no sign of slowing down. After the band had finished about 12.30, he sat down at the bar and passed out - I was over the other side of the hall when I saw him getting dragged out by two bouncers still sleeping, only to wake up as they got him to the door. I asked if there was any chance of him getting back in, and evidently there wasn't, so I just got on with the night.

The place was open till 3 so I stayed, got something to eat at the kebab shop next door and hopped a taxi. Just as the taxi was turning into Argyle St I saw him in the distance looking purposeful and stomping away in the other direction.

Phoned him the next day to find out why he was still bumbling about the city centre 2hrs+ after he'd been flung out - he said he had no idea when he'd got home, but asked me if he'd been carrying anything when I saw him - he hadn't been.

Turns out somewhere between Glasgow city centre and the South Side in the early hours of the morning he'd managed to acquire a horse's saddle which was sitting in his hallway. He's still none the wiser.

Did he get a ride?

[Adam]

I got absolutely gubbed on drink and drugs a few weeks ago after the first game of the season at Stirling. Ended up pissing the bed. I've never done it before, no idea why it happened this time.

I've come home with various cones/traffic items in the past. Always seems like a decent idea at the time.

I'm pretty fortunate that even when I'm para, I always somehow make it home. I've known friends wake up in stranger's houses, not having the first idea how they got there. That gives me the fear.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

Woke up naked in a lift in Cuba on my honeymoon.

Did anyone Fidel with you?

[KnightswoodBear]

Did anyone Fidel with you?

You're Havana laugh, surely?

[Duszek]

I was living in the Czech Republic when an American girl started at our work. I invited her out for a meal and some beers and managed to get her back to my flat. I cracked open a bottle of whisky, which I normally never touch. I have a vague memory of kissing her. I have a very clear memory of waking up several hours later in the toilet, on the floor, arms around the bowl, extremely fucking soiled. Astonishingly, she had left.

Had to go into work two hours later and face her. Ah, memories.

[Hillonearth]

Did he get a ride?

Suppose it shed some light on what happened to the rest of Shergar.

[mizfit]

I woke up in a multi storey car park many years ago on a Sunday morning. Told my mum id slept with someone as i thought it was easier to explain than I got pished and thought it was a good bed.

[D.A.F.C]

Works night out in Edinburgh. Free bar and wine at the meal. Was burst at 4PM on wine at the table then drank a few pints. Remember the following.

Drinking random stuff from the bar.

Trying a take a bottle of red wine outside with me,

Colleague pissing down the internal stairs in the restaurant.

Somehow making it to the liquid rooms, only to be chucked out immediately for thinking it was still a free bar. Frogmarched outside by huge bouncer.

Nearly getting into a fight with some Glaswegians outside.

Starting on the bouncer for not letting me back in.

Realising I was being a dick and going away, ended up in some small club playing rave tunes dancing about like a lunatic.

Walking about myself in the snow at 3AM.

Getting a taxi, only having enough to get across the forth bridge then begging the taxi driver to take me home as it was snowing. Going into my folks house and my dad going mental as the taxi driver was in the hall as I gave him the extra tenner.

Being woken up covered in spew.

Think that was it for me and drinking to excess. My mate died after a heavy drinking sesh two years ago also so it really made me think how irresponsible I was.

[Hedgecutter]

Was out with a bullshitting mate of mine who got into a taxi home half pissed. Got a phone call the next day asking if he'd been acting weird as he was in the infirmary with traces of rohypnol in his blood.

Turned out after speaking to the sister that was a cover story to hide the fact he'd gone home (blazing by that point) and tried to slip into his parents bed thinking it was his home. However, with the sister being opened eared, this seemed to have happened whilst his folks were 'doing the business'. Being swiftly telt to fcuk the fcuk off, he thought that creeping back in from the end of the bed would go un-noticed.

I genuinely don't think he knows that half the world knows about it, and he persists with the date rape story. 'Date Rape Dod' makes a catchy behind his back nickname though.

[Andy_K_97]

The second ever time I got drunk was when I was 16, and it was the night after I'd got drunk for the first time ever. I went to my mate's empty along with 30/40 other odd folk, most of whom I knew, and drank enough beer and cider (a handful, but enough to make my spew my ring, the mixing wouldn't have helped). I must have crashed out pretty early on, probably around midnight or so. The last thing I can remember was being kicked out of a bed and going downstairs to fall asleep on the couch. The room I was in would soon become the "casualty room" with a few others passing out/crashing out in there. What happened next I have no recollection of whatsoever, I had to be told everything that happened.

After I'd passed out some guy who wasn't invited started on my pal and the police were called. Said mate hid in a cupboard under a tartan shawl and avoided the police when they arrived. The officers came into the casualty room and announced that they were the police and they'd need to take people's details. I apparently woke up, then shouted "naw it isnae the real polis calm doon it's awrite" before a torch was shone in my face and I couldn't even give them my details because I was so drunk and passed out instantly again.

I've been in some states in my time, but never any as bad as that one time.

[JamieT1314]

So you had a few drinks and went to sleep. Wild.

[JamboMikey]

Running about Princes Street Gardens with my mate when I was about 19, booting a football at innocent civilians feet and then taking them out with vicious slide tackles, shouting 'BIG SOL (Campbell)!' each time.

A low point.

[Monster]

Away game at Peterhead.

Bus has a comfort stop in Auchterarder. Some refreshments had been consumed. As I was walking away from the bus in the village centre car park there were two lady pensioners in a Micra who were a bit distressed as they'd hit a pheasant on the A9 and it had stuck in the front grille. Being the gentleman that I am, I volunteered to free their car from the bird. Having done this I moved merrily to the hotel across the road for a drink and was unable to fathom why exactly people were pointing and laughing at me (more than usual).

Having used the hour stop for a pint or two, I was making my way back to the bus in the car park when another bus arrived. I noticed an elderly Japanese couple about to exit the bus, and, buoyed with my current status as 'friend of the pensioner' I bowed solemnly to them as they set foot on the tarmac and said 'Konichiwa! Welcome to Scotland!' Behind them the rest of the bus piled out looking bemused.

None of them were Japanese, it was a tour bus from Linlithgow. That, and the fact that I'd slung the dead pheasant over my shoulder an hour ago on the basis of looking for a bin to put it in and forgotten it was there explained the strange looks I'd been getting.

There is a photo somewhere, but it's a while ago and I think it was on Bebo. Thankfully.

[11thHour]

My mate had an empty in his brothers giant house and just about all of the guys were absolute casualties. A few of us had clubbed our money together and gotten a massive carry out from the shop which was run by a young guy we were friendly with, cue us all standing in a circle and tanning in a oner a bottle of hotshots which was some Red Square vodka and red bull nonsense but a fairly sizeable bottle of it.

I woke up sometime later on the stairs and felt decent enough to want to carry drinking but by this point the party was well and truly over with folk unconscious in every room and most others told to bolt so I went and found an empty couch and crashed back out. What I can recall/was told happened was that I somehow getting my phone stuck behind the fridge & trying to move it for about an hour solid to no avail while everyone laughed at me, Me and my mate took turns to winch the face aff some howler which he ended up shagging in a garden cause I had to go spew, Me and a few others were smacking golfballs into adjacent gardens, I spewed my ring up in the toilet whilst trying to winch the bird that was helping me spew and started shouting at the people who were somehow giving my out-cold mate a bath.

Apparently he had passed out next to a door or outside or something and someone noticed he was shaking with the cold so it was decided that he was to be stripped and put in a bath to heat him up. Who made that call I have no idea but I bet they got a bit rapey.

There were plenty of us that went into school wae the ultimate fear on the Monday.

[DA Baracus]

At one party I bowed out after we played flaming frisbee (we doused a frisbee in lighter fluid then set it on fire). Still got a burn mark. Anyway, after I went home (I had work the next day), two of the guys at the party stripped down to their underwear and ran through the (large) garden of some old boy, pausing to topple some statues.

Unfortunately for them, the old fucker was taking photos of them. The next morning he proceeded to stick them up around the village, asking for information on who they were and a small reward (£20) for said info. He got the police involved, as well, and I think they both ended up getting charged for it.

The worst state I ever got in was on Christmas Eve 2003. Me and my friend had somehow managed to convince the village pub to let us host a quiz. We had planned for some drinks beforehand. Unfortunately this turned in to a LOT of drinks. By the time the quiz rolled round, I was shitfaced. The pub was rammed and we started the quiz. My friend, who was faring far better than I, had to repeat almost everything I said, as I was just slurring and shouting in to the microphone, often interjecting at random 'BO SELECTA' (I wasn't even that in to the show, but we had been watching Christmas videos and their one was on a lot). Apparently quite a few folk found it funny, and got us even more drinks after the quiz. Also one of my friends had gotten a temporary job behind the bar and kept slipping us drinks. At the time I was staying at my parents, which is only 60 seconds away. It took me about 10 minutes to stagger home. I decided to sleep in the back garden as well (it was below zero). My older brother had to wake me up and help me inside. I then decided to sleep in the bath. My older again had to wake me up, and apparently I was trying to fight him for this. I had to share a room with my little brother that night because my gran was staying over and was in mine. I staggered in, and went to sleep on the airbed. I recall waking up at some point (no idea when) and needing to spew. My little brother's room was the old dining room, so it had a sliding glass window/door thing. I recall lying there motioning for the doors to open, whispering 'MOVE! MOVE' at them so I could get outside to spew (all whilst lying down). Of course they didn't move, so I just spewed beside the bed then threw my top on top of it to cover it, thinking this would be a good idea, then went to sleep.

Everyone was less than impressed and my efforts to hide my spew were unsuccessful (especially because it was fucking reeking in the morning). I spent the day feeling gash and barely had anything to eat. But I felt fine the next day.