BaSeDG0DSA1NT Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Let's say you're clearing out a distant relative's house after they've died and you find an old, dusty oil lamp. You think you see some inscription on it, but it's covered by years of stoor, so you give it a wee rub on your jumper and *POOF* (or perhaps "alakazam" if you're unsure about possible offensive connotations) a motherfucking genie bursts forth, strokes his wispy wee beard and tells you in his best faux-middle eastern accent that for freeing him he will grant you three wishes. You rub your eyes in disbelief and then your wheels start turning as you weigh up what to wish for. What do you ask him to grant you? 1) this motherfucking genie bangs all maws bar mine2) I could go back in time, go back ten minutes and submit this post instead of trying to think of something clever or funny to post (which I fail at) 3) LOST returns with new episodes Boss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 To be able to choose when I died. £50 billion Invisibility when I wanted Who said that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 1. Cigs 2. Vaselline 3. Parole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BallochSonsFan Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Enough cash to retire and lead a very comfortable life. A properly rebuilt from the ground up 205 gti A night with Dr Alice Roberts, Dr Hannah Fry and Professor Janina Ramirez. I'm a man of simple tastes with a weird thing for filthy smart women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 1. An indestructible record of all knowledge gained by the human race, along with a detailed history of our actions as a species. 2. Freedom for my new genie pal after granting the third wish. 3. The instant, painless death of all human life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Watch that could pause, rewind or fast forward time. Immortality. Ability to control anyone. Not all for seedy purposes I may add. Imagine watching Craig Whyte mooning the rangers fans from the centre circle at ibrox or a mass brawl in the Houses of Parliament. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattydfc Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 My wish of choosing when to die is 1000000000 times better than immortality Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ginger Prince Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Hibs and the fucking scottish cup. That is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Hibs and the fucking scottish cup. That is all. A very understandable wish. Hopefully the genie wouldn't Hibs it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweaty Morph Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Hibs and the fucking scottish cup. That is all. *Genie laughs and disappears back into his lamp* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boostin' Kev Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Immortality Unlimited cashflow Superhuman powers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bhoy who invented weetabix Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 A new pair of trainers 20 Regal King Size Robbie Savage to be slowly, painfully and brutally murdered Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tongue_tied_danny Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 A harem of exotic sex slaves who wear SS uniforms and dance around like Charlotte Rampling in The Night Porter. A biblical plague that strikes down all of my work colleagues, managers and clients. A Swiss bank vault loaded with enough Krugerrands to last me a lifetime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 To have enough money to buy whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Like Matty, be able to choose when I wanted to die, and for my immediate family to have the same ability (it's one wish, all right!) Be fluent in every single known language. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 More money than I could ever spend... can't think of anything else or anyone who might benefit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 1.) I wish I was a little bit taller 2.) I wish I was a baller 3.) I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 World peace. The end of the old firm £100billion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 seeing David Cameron shagged to death by a pig would be quite amusing. maybe for the other two I could have a phial of luck virus and a phial of sexual magnetism virus like they had on Red Dwarf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fide Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Enough cash to retire and lead a very comfortable life. A properly rebuilt from the ground up 205 gti A night with Dr Alice Roberts, Dr Hannah Fry and Professor Janina Ramirez. I'm a man of simple tastes with a weird thing for filthy smart women. I saw Dr Hannah Fry on that new Brian Cox programme. The programme was shit. She was not. How about adding Dr Amy Mainzer to your list, of NASA's JPL? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Ooh actually one of my wishes would be a huge book/document detailing the truth behind all major and minor incidents regarding governments and murders and anything I wish to know really. Nosey b*****d that I am would love to ken the whole truth about Roswell/JFK/911/Tupac/If McCartney is dead/If the queen is a lizard/If Atlantis exists etc.etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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