Fide Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Let's discuss, shall we. Do you fart with glee in front of your better half? Or do you try and release a sneaky and risk increased pungency? How about at work? Do you care if anyone hears your trouser coughs, or do you go to the toilet to let go? Have you ever administered a dutch oven? Farted in a lift? Blamed someone else? How do you fart, how often do you fart and how fucking EVIL are your early morning farts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 The follow through is to be avoided at all times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paranoid android Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 When I'm walking, and I have to let one go, I have to walk backwards briefly until it's away - if I get the timing right, it flies as I'm in mid spin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Androgyny Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I'm very nervous, as this is my second contribution to the forum. But had to comment. The old Aberdeen & Dundee striker Billy Pirie once teed off on the first hole and completely followed through( not his swing action) he lasted 4 holes till the poop shone through his chinos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greyman Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Fart openly. Worst sounding fart is when your on the lavvy. Always sound worse. Farting in the blokes is widely accepted. I worked with a bird who swore blind she'd never farted before in her life. Got really annoyed when asked if that extended to fanny farts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 They're not called "The Butler's Revenge" for nothing you know- best to let one go in the boss's office just before he comes in.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 We’ve got tubes at the entrance of our work where we swipe in with our passes – a bit Star Trek-esque. It’s fun to try and time dropping an egg bomb for just as you’re in the Perspex tube, because it can potentially last for hours…way worse than a lift. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattydfc Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I once let out a silent and smelly one in a lift at work and it got blamed on a disabled guy in a wheelchair. I wasn't proud of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doulikefish Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Better out than in,let it rip wherever you maybe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blanco Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Better an empty house than a bad lodger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Fart first, ask questions later. The main question being "who's the bogging b*****d then?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Rational Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Dutch ovens. Best thing ever. Saying that though, my missus who would never dream of farting in front of me for the first two years of dating, wins the fart wars in our house. She says her farts are a thing of beauty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I farted on a policeman, just as the bus came to the stop my guts rumbled and I took a few steps back so as to be out of earshot, then I let rip unaware that a bobby had just walked up behind me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Always best to fart somewhere there is plenty of echo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 My ones on a Monday morning after a semi heavy weekend of beer wine and takeaways are particularly evil. Apart from that it's usually pretty odourless for me and not a noticeable occurrence. Was very flatulent after a flight back from the states a few days ago though and was stinking out Heathrow airport whilst going through security. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Chlamydia Kid Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Been with my missus about 7 years (minus a year apart) and I don't fart blatantly in front of her, maybe sneak one out if I think I can get away with it but generally I never ever fart in front of a female unless it is my daughter(or mum when she was alive). Worst thing on earth in the past when I was out with different women every other weekend and waking up in the morning absolutely desperate to fart. I used to leave their house early so I could get out in the fresh air/car and release the gas which had built up in me over night. A lot of the time I would muffle the sound of the farts with towels in their bathrooms or wedging half a roll of toilet paper up my starfish. If I had had an indian or something that was making me chokeing to fart I would simply feign sickness and go home to my own bed and the comfort of being able to fart. If my missus openly farted in front of me I would be absolutely disgusted, I would refuse to have sex with her for at least a month. In my world women don't fart. Amongst male company, however, I am reknowned for having ridiculously stinking and high frequency farts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattydfc Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 ^^^ VL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjw Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 wedging half a roll of toilet paper up my starfish. ^^^ VL He's broken in though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Been with my missus about 7 years (minus a year apart) and I don't fart blatantly in front of her, maybe sneak one out if I think I can get away with it but generally I never ever fart in front of a female unless it is my daughter(or mum when she was alive). Worst thing on earth in the past when I was out with different women every other weekend and waking up in the morning absolutely desperate to fart. I used to leave their house early so I could get out in the fresh air/car and release the gas which had built up in me over night. A lot of the time I would muffle the sound of the farts with towels in their bathrooms or wedging half a roll of toilet paper up my starfish. If I had had an indian or something that was making me chokeing to fart I would simply feign sickness and go home to my own bed and the comfort of being able to fart. If my missus openly farted in front of me I would be absolutely disgusted, I would refuse to have sex with her for at least a month. In my world women don't fart. Amongst male company, however, I am reknowned for having ridiculously stinking and high frequency farts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fide Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 a bobby had just walked up behind me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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