forever_blue Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 One of the smartest ones I heard was when I was on a bus and some old guy ended up in a heated debated with the driver over a fare or some shite , this went on over three or four bus stops , before the driver eventually ordered the guy of the bus , the old guy agreed before turning round and saying " mind and send me an invite when yer maw and da get married " , the driver gave a confused "whit" in response , before the auld yin replied "well yer clearly a b*****d" before swaggering off , leaving a seething bus driver and bus full of chuckling passengers at his expense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itzdrk Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Yer eating fry ups and pies instead of bannanas and porridge ya c***s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Yer maw looks like itzdrk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forever_blue Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Yer maw looks like itzdrk Itzdrk looks like yer maw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 My post was not particularly aimed at you , it was my addition to the topic Sorry mate xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Count Mongo del Fantastico Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 "I thought you people were supposed to be jolly?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 You really are the most anonymous, funniest hard man on the internet. Worst Ever Put Downs thread for this pish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I can't believe Bert Raccoon killed someone's dog for a joke. That's dark. Funny though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archie Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Yer maws got baws, and yer da loves it. Best shouted in the style of a 15 year old Glaswegian child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I can't believe Bert Raccoon killed someone's dog for a joke. That's dark. Funny though. Gotta get your kicks somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itzdrk Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 hey buller you are proof that snow white had sex with dopey lol Stop the thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRob72 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Wee girl riding her bike one evening on the street, gets stopped by a mounted policeman 'Did you get that bike for Christmas hen' ? Says the policeman 'Aye I did' says the girl smiling.. 'Well when Santa comes next year, can you tell him that bike should come with a proper set of working lights' ? And promptly fines the wee girl a fiver on the spot!! She responds, ' did you get that horse for Christmas mister'? 'Aye I did, that's right' laughs the policeman... 'See when Santa comes again next year, can you tell him the the p***k goes under the horse, not sticking out on top of it' ? (I'll get me coat) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Wee girl riding her bike one evening on the street, gets stopped by a mounted policeman 'Did you get that bike for Christmas hen' ? Says the policeman 'Aye I did' says the girl smiling.. 'Well when Santa comes next year, can you tell him that bike should come with a proper set of working lights' ? And promptly fines the wee girl a fiver on the spot!! She responds, ' did you get that horse for Christmas mister'? 'Aye I did, that's right' laughs the policeman... 'See when Santa comes again next year, can you tell him the the p***k goes under the horse, not sticking out on top of it' ? (I'll get me coat) When did that happen? We're you the wee girl? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Dodds Dads Dead Dog Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I read about some Aussie sledging in an Ashes game. Aussie wicket keeper to Ian Botham - How's your wife and my kids. Botham - the wife's fine but the kids are retarded like their Dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Henry Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Gotta get your kicks somewhere. You kicked his dog to death? No wonder he sent a strongly wondered message of complaint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRob72 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 When did that happen? We're you the wee girl? Nah, I was the Policeman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 You couldn't pull a greasy stick out of a wet dog's arse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRob72 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 "Beat it weasel" . Not a best ever put down. Just my response to you. ' Mustela Nivalis' - A fierce predator, cunning, intelligent and resourceful, I'll take it, cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRob72 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 You missed out the "related to the mink" part. I wonder why? And predator in your case may or may not relate to your current status on the sex offenders register. Balls back in your court. Also related to the magnificent Pine Martin, one of Scotland's most revered and stunning native wild mammals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRob72 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Aye, spelling isn't your strong point is it? You would expect you could spell your close relations names correctly. Yep, my mistake, correction, Pine Marten, it's this phone, my apologies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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