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The Terrible Journalism & Tom English Thread


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In another working life I aspired to be a football writer (and for a short time was, however niche it might have been). I had a chat with a few people in the industry about the best way to go about it. Quite late in the day and well after graduating in something semi-useful but unrelated to journalism, I applied for what was called the Donald Dewar Scholarship at the Daily Record...

https://www.thefreelibrary.com/Follow+your+dream+with+the+Dewar+Scholarship%3B+We+launch+search+for...-a071825897

I got to the interview stage where is was stated by the person in charge 'we want good journalists, not good writers'. It probably wasn't for me. I kind of ensured that by telling that very Scottish person during the 1-2-1 that rounded off the day that my favourite radio station was 5Live and my favourite columnist wrote for a rival of theirs. I've always valued honesty and integrity above a quick buck! :lol:

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Guest JTS98
15 minutes ago, cmontheloknow said:

In another working life I aspired to be a football writer (and for a short time was, however niche it might have been). I had a chat with a few people in the industry about the best way to go about it. Quite late in the day and well after graduating in something semi-useful but unrelated to journalism, I applied for what was called the Donald Dewar Scholarship at the Daily Record...

https://www.thefreelibrary.com/Follow+your+dream+with+the+Dewar+Scholarship%3B+We+launch+search+for...-a071825897

I got to the interview stage where is was stated by the person in charge 'we want good journalists, not good writers'. It probably wasn't for me. I kind of ensured that by telling that very Scottish person during the 1-2-1 that rounded off the day that my favourite radio station was 5Live and my favourite columnist wrote for a rival of theirs. I've always valued honesty and integrity above a quick buck! :lol:

I've got a mate who is a journalist has done some freelance stuff on football for some tabloids. He says the hardest part about it is forgetting how to write properly and completely change your style to appeal to imbeciles. Anything resembling 'good' writing will not be published.

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14 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Apart from the Sunday Sport. That was mostly about Elvis flying Hitler to the moon in a B52 bomber for a party on his red London bus. And tits.

Elvis SWOOPED IN to fly Hitler to the moon in a B52 bomber for a SUCCULENT LAMB DINNER party on his red London bus. And INSISTED on tits.

Re-written as Keith Jackson headline with the required but unnecessary extra words

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So, have the annual prediction articles come out yet? They're always full of rigorous research and expert analysis.
Top Flight
Celtic 85% Rangers 15%
League Cup
Celtic 50% Rangers 40% Diddies 10%
Scottish Cup
Celtic 40% Rangers 50 % Diddies 10%
Championship /League 1/League 2
Who? Er, Third Lanark
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Adam Rooney, an aging footballer of limited ability, who was almost certainly going to be Aberdeen's third-choice striker this coming season if he had elected to remain with us, signing for a millionaires' vanity project, Salford City, increasing his salary and most likely securing more regular football along the way, is, according to this, a "symbol of the decline of Scottish football". 

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/football/2018/07/23/adam-rooneys-tier-dropping-transfer-aberdeen-salford-symbol/

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32 minutes ago, DrewDon said:

Adam Rooney, an aging footballer of limited ability, who was almost certainly going to be Aberdeen's third-choice striker this coming season if he had elected to remain with us, signing for a millionaires' vanity project, Salford City, increasing his salary and most likely securing more regular football along the way, is, according to this, a "symbol of the decline of Scottish football". 

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/football/2018/07/23/adam-rooneys-tier-dropping-transfer-aberdeen-salford-symbol/

 

Quote

I long for the day when those in England don’t have to listen anymore to the Scottish football results on a Saturday afternoon - a total irrelevance to the vast majority south of the border.

 

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On 23/07/2018 at 08:52, JTS98 said:

I've got a mate who is a journalist has done some freelance stuff on football for some tabloids. He says the hardest part about it is forgetting how to write properly and completely change your style to appeal to imbeciles. Anything resembling 'good' writing will not be published.

That's bollocks.

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On 7/23/2018 at 11:52, JTS98 said:

I've got a mate who is a journalist has done some freelance stuff on football for some tabloids. He says the hardest part about it is forgetting how to write properly and completely change your style to appeal to imbeciles. Anything resembling 'good' writing will not be published.

Did he admit this or insist upon it? :thumsup2

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2 hours ago, Savage Henry said:

I think you'll find he slammed the tabloid press in a sensational broadside.

But was it a 'quality' sensational broadside justifying the gaffer's faith in the hitkid who's been linked with a multi-million pound summer swoop by Big Soccer?

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12 minutes ago, Dr Koop said:

But was it a 'quality' sensational broadside justifying the gaffer's faith in the hitkid who's been linked with a multi-million pound summer swoop by Big Soccer?

Have beaks given a stunning green light to break open the warchest?

 

In other news, I have no desire whatsoever to read this article.  

Quote

Former Scotland manager Gordon Strachan is holding talks with the Scottish Government in an attempt to use football as a fix for the country's broken society. (Daily Record)

 

Edited by Savage Henry
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14 minutes ago, Savage Henry said:

beaks

My absolute favourite - only used in football writing or the reporting of gangster trials (where a lorry load of snouts was stolen). In old school tabloid writing, they were always "Park Gardens Beaks", which was presumably code for SFA Supremo Jim Farry.

My other favourite is "a nonsense",  exclusively used - and mandatory - when a tabloid hack is asked to write an opinion piece. Eg, "Making Rangers start again in the lowest division is a nonsense" Says Keith Jackson

 

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4 minutes ago, Swello said:

My absolute favourite - only used in football writing or the reporting of gangster trials (where a lorry load of snouts was stolen). In old school tabloid writing, they were always "Park Gardens Beaks", which was presumably code for SFA Supremo Jim Farry.

My other favourite is "a nonsense",  exclusively used - and mandatory - when a tabloid hack is asked to write an opinion piece. Eg, "Making Rangers start again in the lowest division is a nonsense" Says Keith Jackson

 

It is a uniquely tabloid idiom.    My personal "favourites" are managers who can't pronounce the word "our" and say "wurr" instead, and (usually the self-same) managers who say "it augurs well".  Nobody else has ever said "augurs well".

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Burnley manager Sean Dyche has shot down all Battle of Britain 

Celtic keeper Gordon has warned his side

Osijek skipper Borna Barisic insists

Rangers are set for a showdown

If only they could use more dramatic terms [emoji849]

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2 hours ago, Savage Henry said:

Have beaks given a stunning green light to break open the warchest?

 

In other news, I have no desire whatsoever to read this article.  

 

Really, if people want a broken society to fix either give post-Brexit UK about 18 months or get their arses to Iraq.

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1 hour ago, Torfason said:

Burnley manager Sean Dyche has shot down all Battle of Britain 

Celtic keeper Gordon has warned his side

Osijek skipper Borna Barisic insists

Rangers are set for a showdown

If only they could use more dramatic terms emoji849.png
 

'Shot down' and 'Battle of Britain'. I saw what they did there.

Repeat please.

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