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The Greenock Morton Thread - It's Better Than Yours


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The scene: a Scottish League Two football club boardroom in the near future, where the club chairman is interviewing applicants for the manager’s job

He buzzes through to his secretary “OK Senga, who’s next?

”Eh, it’s Ray McKinnon, Chairman”

Silence in the boardroom, then a deep sigh. “Well, since he’s here.......   Send him in, Senga”.

Ray shuffles in, in tight navy blue V-neck jumper and navy chinos - proper manager’s attire, he thinks.

After minimal small talk the chairman gets down to business. “So, Ray, I’ve got your CV here, and I’ve read this week’s version of your LinkedIn profile, so I know the story so far. Let’s look a little bit at some of the recent background.”

”Ehh, aye, ok Chairman.”

”Right. What happened at Morton?”

”Ehh, well, there were issues behind the scenes  ‘n’at.......”

”What were the issues, Ray?”

”Eh, well, wan o’ the director kept givin’ me funny looks, you know? And the kitman forgot to to place my bets a couple of times.”

”Anything else?”

”Well, Greenock’s on the West Coast.”

”So?”

”I’m an East of Scotland lad, I get a nosebleed if I go too far to the West......”

”Aye, I’m sure there’s still a fair few in Greenock would be happy to help you out with a nosebleed. Ok, what went wrong at Falkirk?”

”Ehh, well I didnae get much backing from the Chairman and the Board, so.......”

”You ‘didnae get much backing’?? Ray, you signed a whole  new team in the summer! “

”Aye, but....... “

”And you got the job because you told them you weren’t under contract at Morton.......”

”Aye, but.......”

”.......eventually costing them around a hundred grand and making them look even LESS competent than they are.......”

”Aye but the chairman’s a c.....”

”Before you go any further, Ray, I should maybe tell you that their chairman’s my wife’s cousin.”

”Oh.” Silence. Then:  “Lovely woman, your wife.”

”Oh? You know her?”

”Ehh, naw.”  More silence.  “But the Chairman spoke well of her.......”

”Aye? More than he did for you. So, what went wrong on the park before you got sacked?”

Ray looks blank for a while. Then: “Ehh, well, a new team.......”

”That YOU signed, aye.....”

”.......takes time to gel.......”

””.......it was mid-November, Ray.......”

“a’  the youngsters  ‘n’at....... “

”Ray, do you think I button up the back? You signed a team with plenty experience in the division you got relegated from and a couple of guys with loads of experience in the Scottish Premiership! How were you planning on improving results?”

”Well, efter that Dumbarton game we were gonna have a ‘clear the air’ session wae the squad.......”

”ANOTHER one?? Jeez, if you’d still been there the air in that dressing room would’ve smelt better than the perfume department in Debenham’s...............    Riiight, well I think we’ve covered enough here now.........  Any questions before you go?”

”Aye. What kind of money will I be on?”

”We”ll discuss money with the successful candidate. One more thing, Ray.......”

”Aye? ”

”There’s a helluva spring on that boardroom door, just be careful on your way......”

SCUD

”.......never mind.”

Still rubbing his arse, Ray gets into his motor, sighs and turns the radio on.

”Ray, that you back? How’d it go?”

” Ehh, below average”, says Ray, wishing he had some players to blame.

”Ach, never mind. Listen, I’ve a pickup for you at the station there, funny enough going back to where you are now. Name of Hopkin.......”

Ray sighs, puts his cab into gear and moves off.

With the handbrake on.

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Rudolph Hucker said:

The scene: a Scottish League Two football club boardroom in the near future, where the club chairman is interviewing applicants for the manager’s job

He buzzes through to his secretary “OK Senga, who’s next?

”Eh, it’s Ray McKinnon, Chairman”

Silence in the boardroom, then a deep sigh. “Well, since he’s here.......   Send him in, Senga”.

Ray shuffles in, in tight navy blue V-neck jumper and navy chinos - proper manager’s attire, he thinks.

After minimal small talk the chairman gets down to business. “So, Ray, I’ve got your CV here, and I’ve read this week’s version of your LinkedIn profile, so I know the story so far. Let’s look a little bit at some of the recent background.”

”Ehh, aye, ok Chairman.”

”Right. What happened at Morton?”

”Ehh, well, there were issues behind the scenes  ‘n’at.......”

”What were the issues, Ray?”

”Eh, well, wan o’ the director kept givin’ me funny looks, you know? And the kitman forgot to to place my bets a couple of times.”

”Anything else?”

”Well, Greenock’s on the West Coast.”

”So?”

”I’m an East of Scotland lad, I get a nosebleed if I go too far to the West......”

”Aye, I’m sure there’s still a fair few in Greenock would be happy to help you out with a nosebleed. Ok, what went wrong at Falkirk?”

”Ehh, well I didnae get much backing from the Chairman and the Board, so.......”

”You ‘didnae get much backing’?? Ray, you signed a whole  new team in the summer! “

”Aye, but....... “

”And you got the job because you told them you weren’t under contract at Morton.......”

”Aye, but.......”

”.......eventually costing them around a hundred grand and making them look even LESS competent than they are.......”

”Aye but the chairman’s a c.....”

”Before you go any further, Ray, I should maybe tell you that their chairman’s my wife’s cousin.”

”Oh.” Silence. Then:  “Lovely woman, your wife.”

”Oh? You know her?”

”Ehh, naw.”  More silence.  “But the Chairman spoke well of her.......”

”Aye? More than he did for you. So, what went wrong on the park before you got sacked?”

Ray looks blank for a while. Then: “Ehh, well, a new team.......”

”That YOU signed, aye.....”

”.......takes time to gel.......”

””.......it was mid-November, Ray.......”

“a’  the youngsters  ‘n’at....... “

”Ray, do you think I button up the back? You signed a team with plenty experience in the division you got relegated from and a couple of guys with loads of experience in the Scottish Premiership! How were you planning on improving results?”

”Well, efter that Dumbarton game we were gonna have a ‘clear the air’ session wae the squad.......”

”ANOTHER one?? Jeez, if you’d still been there the air in that dressing room would’ve smelt better than the perfume department in Debenham’s...............    Riiight, well I think we’ve covered enough here now.........  Any questions before you go?”

”Aye. What kind of money will I be on?”

”We”ll discuss money with the successful candidate. One more thing, Ray.......”

”Aye? ”

”There’s a helluva spring on that boardroom door, just be careful on your way......”

SCUD

”.......never mind.”

Still rubbing his arse, Ray gets into his motor, sighs and turns the radio on.

”Ray, that you back? How’d it go?”

” Ehh, below average”, says Ray, wishing he had some players to blame.

”Ach, never mind. Listen, I’ve a pickup for you at the station there, funny enough going back to where you are now. Name of Hopkin.......”

Ray sighs, puts his cab into gear and moves off.

With the handbrake on.

 

 

 

What the f**k is this?  Gave up a quarter of the way through ya boring b*****d.

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MMMMM look, a wee rid dot from Two Planks.......   Delicious. 😋

 

And one from vt now, sitting right above largston’s in the notifications.

Thats what you call virgin on the ridiculous.    😜

Edited by Rudolph Hucker
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2 hours ago, Rudolph Hucker said:

The scene: a Scottish League Two football club boardroom in the near future, where the club chairman is interviewing applicants for the manager’s job

He buzzes through to his secretary “OK Senga, who’s next?

”Eh, it’s Ray McKinnon, Chairman”

Silence in the boardroom, then a deep sigh. “Well, since he’s here.......   Send him in, Senga”.

Ray shuffles in, in tight navy blue V-neck jumper and navy chinos - proper manager’s attire, he thinks.

After minimal small talk the chairman gets down to business. “So, Ray, I’ve got your CV here, and I’ve read this week’s version of your LinkedIn profile, so I know the story so far. Let’s look a little bit at some of the recent background.”

”Ehh, aye, ok Chairman.”

”Right. What happened at Morton?”

”Ehh, well, there were issues behind the scenes  ‘n’at.......”

”What were the issues, Ray?”

”Eh, well, wan o’ the director kept givin’ me funny looks, you know? And the kitman forgot to to place my bets a couple of times.”

”Anything else?”

”Well, Greenock’s on the West Coast.”

”So?”

”I’m an East of Scotland lad, I get a nosebleed if I go too far to the West......”

”Aye, I’m sure there’s still a fair few in Greenock would be happy to help you out with a nosebleed. Ok, what went wrong at Falkirk?”

”Ehh, well I didnae get much backing from the Chairman and the Board, so.......”

”You ‘didnae get much backing’?? Ray, you signed a whole  new team in the summer! “

”Aye, but....... “

”And you got the job because you told them you weren’t under contract at Morton.......”

”Aye, but.......”

”.......eventually costing them around a hundred grand and making them look even LESS competent than they are.......”

”Aye but the chairman’s a c.....”

”Before you go any further, Ray, I should maybe tell you that their chairman’s my wife’s cousin.”

”Oh.” Silence. Then:  “Lovely woman, your wife.”

”Oh? You know her?”

”Ehh, naw.”  More silence.  “But the Chairman spoke well of her.......”

”Aye? More than he did for you. So, what went wrong on the park before you got sacked?”

Ray looks blank for a while. Then: “Ehh, well, a new team.......”

”That YOU signed, aye.....”

”.......takes time to gel.......”

””.......it was mid-November, Ray.......”

“a’  the youngsters  ‘n’at....... “

”Ray, do you think I button up the back? You signed a team with plenty experience in the division you got relegated from and a couple of guys with loads of experience in the Scottish Premiership! How were you planning on improving results?”

”Well, efter that Dumbarton game we were gonna have a ‘clear the air’ session wae the squad.......”

”ANOTHER one?? Jeez, if you’d still been there the air in that dressing room would’ve smelt better than the perfume department in Debenham’s...............    Riiight, well I think we’ve covered enough here now.........  Any questions before you go?”

”Aye. What kind of money will I be on?”

”We”ll discuss money with the successful candidate. One more thing, Ray.......”

”Aye? ”

”There’s a helluva spring on that boardroom door, just be careful on your way......”

SCUD

”.......never mind.”

Still rubbing his arse, Ray gets into his motor, sighs and turns the radio on.

”Ray, that you back? How’d it go?”

” Ehh, below average”, says Ray, wishing he had some players to blame.

”Ach, never mind. Listen, I’ve a pickup for you at the station there, funny enough going back to where you are now. Name of Hopkin.......”

Ray sighs, puts his cab into gear and moves off.

With the handbrake on.

 

 

 

Image result for old man close door gif

 

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6 hours ago, Rudolph Hucker said:

The scene: a Scottish League Two football club boardroom in the near future, where the club chairman is interviewing applicants for the manager’s job

He buzzes through to his secretary “OK Senga, who’s next?

”Eh, it’s Ray McKinnon, Chairman”

Silence in the boardroom, then a deep sigh. “Well, since he’s here.......   Send him in, Senga”.

Ray shuffles in, in tight navy blue V-neck jumper and navy chinos - proper manager’s attire, he thinks.

After minimal small talk the chairman gets down to business. “So, Ray, I’ve got your CV here, and I’ve read this week’s version of your LinkedIn profile, so I know the story so far. Let’s look a little bit at some of the recent background.”

”Ehh, aye, ok Chairman.”

”Right. What happened at Morton?”

”Ehh, well, there were issues behind the scenes  ‘n’at.......”

”What were the issues, Ray?”

”Eh, well, wan o’ the director kept givin’ me funny looks, you know? And the kitman forgot to to place my bets a couple of times.”

”Anything else?”

”Well, Greenock’s on the West Coast.”

”So?”

”I’m an East of Scotland lad, I get a nosebleed if I go too far to the West......”

”Aye, I’m sure there’s still a fair few in Greenock would be happy to help you out with a nosebleed. Ok, what went wrong at Falkirk?”

”Ehh, well I didnae get much backing from the Chairman and the Board, so.......”

”You ‘didnae get much backing’?? Ray, you signed a whole  new team in the summer! “

”Aye, but....... “

”And you got the job because you told them you weren’t under contract at Morton.......”

”Aye, but.......”

”.......eventually costing them around a hundred grand and making them look even LESS competent than they are.......”

”Aye but the chairman’s a c.....”

”Before you go any further, Ray, I should maybe tell you that their chairman’s my wife’s cousin.”

”Oh.” Silence. Then:  “Lovely woman, your wife.”

”Oh? You know her?”

”Ehh, naw.”  More silence.  “But the Chairman spoke well of her.......”

”Aye? More than he did for you. So, what went wrong on the park before you got sacked?”

Ray looks blank for a while. Then: “Ehh, well, a new team.......”

”That YOU signed, aye.....”

”.......takes time to gel.......”

””.......it was mid-November, Ray.......”

“a’  the youngsters  ‘n’at....... “

”Ray, do you think I button up the back? You signed a team with plenty experience in the division you got relegated from and a couple of guys with loads of experience in the Scottish Premiership! How were you planning on improving results?”

”Well, efter that Dumbarton game we were gonna have a ‘clear the air’ session wae the squad.......”

”ANOTHER one?? Jeez, if you’d still been there the air in that dressing room would’ve smelt better than the perfume department in Debenham’s...............    Riiight, well I think we’ve covered enough here now.........  Any questions before you go?”

”Aye. What kind of money will I be on?”

”We”ll discuss money with the successful candidate. One more thing, Ray.......”

”Aye? ”

”There’s a helluva spring on that boardroom door, just be careful on your way......”

SCUD

”.......never mind.”

Still rubbing his arse, Ray gets into his motor, sighs and turns the radio on.

”Ray, that you back? How’d it go?”

” Ehh, below average”, says Ray, wishing he had some players to blame.

”Ach, never mind. Listen, I’ve a pickup for you at the station there, funny enough going back to where you are now. Name of Hopkin.......”

Ray sighs, puts his cab into gear and moves off.

With the handbrake on.

*Inhales sharply through teeth*

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18 minutes ago, Rudolph Hucker said:

^^^^ this, from the guy who felt the need to share his “nightmare” about big Ramsbottom last week. 😄😄😄

P&B, it never fails to deliver.

I bet John Grisham's absolutely shitting himself with the likes of you about.

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41 minutes ago, Rugster said:

I bet John Grisham's absolutely shitting himself with the likes of you about.

And I bet you thought you had an absolute zinger there, something that would have me crying into my coffee. But with more than two millennia of humanity’s greatest authors available to you, your literary horizons extend only as far as.........       John fucking Grisham.🤪😂👎

i thought about saying “nice try”,  pinbrain, but that really wasn’t.

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1 minute ago, Rudolph Hucker said:

And I bet you thought you had an absolute zinger there, something that would have me crying into my coffee. But with more than two millennia of humanity’s greatest authors available to you, your literary horizons extend only as far as.........       John fucking Grisham.🤪😂👎

i thought about saying “nice try”,  pinbrain, but that really wasn’t.

I picked a popular, well known and mainstream author, as going by the standard of your "writing" you're not too familiar with many.

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