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How Fuckin Shite Is Edinburgh Airport


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Guest Bob Mahelp

Went through Edinburgh last week for the first time in a while. 

15 mins at security, but I was in no hurry. What did strike me though is the tremendous amount of 'jobs worths' that Edinburgh airport employs. From the check in staff, to the security, to the people beeping passes at the gate......every one of them is filled with an overwhelming amount of arrogance and self-importance, and seems to believe that shouting loudly at foreigners who have a limited grasp of the Scottish dialect is the best way to get things done. 

It's pretty common in most UK airports, but Edinburgh does seem to excel in the high percentage of torn-faced dicks that work there.

And oh aye, coming back. 10 passport scanners but 50% of passports weren't recognised. It's fucking useless.....get it sorted.

 

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Maybe the time of year but going out on Friday I was through security in 2 minutes (why do I have to take a canvas belt with plastic buckle off though?). Coming back the scanner didn't recognise my passport but I was all but waved through by the half a dozen border guards sitting doing sod-all. No queues, probably 3 minutes total.  Probably my best experience of using that airport in years.

 

Incidentally, I was looking at headphones in the shop at Edinburgh - £130 for the Sonys I was vaguely interested in. Same headphones in Alicante airport were over 400 euros. 

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3 hours ago, NewBornBairn said:

why do I have to take a canvas belt with plastic buckle off though?

A security guard at Inverness Airport recommended his belt, much as you described, so I ordered one online to avoid all that faffing about and worry about your trousers falling to your ankles. Next time I flew they told me to take it off. Apparently I might have been hiding something in it or behind it, a garrote maybe? Terrorists are c***s.  

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56 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

A security guard at Inverness Airport recommended his belt, much as you described, so I ordered one online to avoid all that faffing about and worry about your trousers falling to your ankles. Next time I flew they told me to take it off. Apparently I might have been hiding something in it or behind it, a garrote maybe? Terrorists are c***s.  

I had to do the body scanner at Bristol in loose trousers.

 

Feet apart, knees together, arse pushed out, arms outstretched to stop them falling down. I'm sure they film it for a giggle

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3 hours ago, NewBornBairn said:

I had to do the body scanner at Bristol in loose trousers.

 

Feet apart, knees together, arse pushed out, arms outstretched to stop them falling down. I'm sure they film it for a giggle

Feet apart, knees together, arse pushed out, arms outstretched, to the left, to the right, push pineapple shake the tree, having fun with the punters, at airport sec-ur-i-teee.

All together now... Agggg-ahhh-doo! Doo! Doo!

Edited by pozbaird
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The folk working in security at Edinburgh, or any other airport. No wonder they can sometimes be grumpy. The amount of utter fannies they have to deal with on a daily basis. I fly a fair bit, and every time, every single time, there’s an utter fanny around who has three tons of fcuking hand luggage, cannae’ even take their laptop out ahead of arriving at the security belt, cannae’ put their 200 bottles of toiletries into a bag before arriving at the security belt, and then, having got through, are too fcuking lazy to pick up their grey plastic tray and return it to the stack at the end of the process. Fcukers deserve a boot in the stones.

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54 minutes ago, pozbaird said:

The folk working in security at Edinburgh, or any other airport. No wonder they can sometimes be grumpy. The amount of utter fannies they have to deal with on a daily basis. I fly a fair bit, and every time, every single time, there’s an utter fanny around who has three tons of fcuking hand luggage, cannae’ even take their laptop out ahead of arriving at the security belt, cannae’ put their 200 bottles of toiletries into a bag before arriving at the security belt, and then, having got through, are too fcuking lazy to pick up their grey plastic tray and return it to the stack at the end of the process. Fcukers deserve a boot in the stones.

Sod's law is you get one of they c***s in front when you pay for fast track, making it pointless.

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Anyone paying for Fast Track is an idiot, Saturday afternoon flight a couple of weeks ago and there were more numpties in the FT queue than there were going through normal security and then on my flight back to Edinburgh as it was quiet at security I got directed through Fast Track so they had something to do.

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The one that always gets me is seeing folk walk on with hand luggage that is clearly oversized. It's one thing I'm OCD about, making sure my bag isn't too big for the airline. Friends & family all seem to have been caught at some point and hit with big charges to put their cabin bag in the hold.

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1 minute ago, NewBornBairn said:

The one that always gets me is seeing folk walk on with hand luggage that is clearly oversized. It's one thing I'm OCD about, making sure my bag isn't too big for the airline. Friends & family all seem to have been caught at some point and hit with big charges to put their cabin bag in the hold.

It’s a fucking racket. Even within a certain airline (I’m looking at you FlyBe), the cabin bag size limit changes on the same route depending on which fucking plane they decide to use.

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Was flying with Flybe the other week and they had a blue cardboard box at the departure gate and if your hand luggage didn't fit into said box you had to pay them £30 - was quite soothing to see a couple of folk lift the box up and then attempt to place it over peoples luggage. The guy sat next to me complained all the way back to Edinburgh as he'd been done owing to the wheels on his bag not fitting in the box.

Edited by Jason King
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54 minutes ago, Jason King said:

Anyone paying for Fast Track is an idiot, Saturday afternoon flight a couple of weeks ago and there were more numpties in the FT queue than there were going through normal security and then on my flight back to Edinburgh as it was quiet at security I got directed through Fast Track so they had something to do.

Depends on the airport, £3.50 at Birmingham is well worth it. Big queues one side and zero the other.

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54 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

It’s a fucking racket. Even within a certain airline (I’m looking at you FlyBe), the cabin bag size limit changes on the same route depending on which fucking plane they decide to use.

Tbf the planes they use have different sizes of overhead compartments, some of them are tiny. It's a shame though, Flybe used to be relaxed about it and would put your bag in hold for free if it was too big. I get around it by taking a soft bag with no wheels you can squish into anything. Folk who have wheels on a bag the size of a briefcase deserve what's coming imo.

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A security guard at Inverness Airport recommended his belt, much as you described, so I ordered one online to avoid all that faffing about and worry about your trousers falling to your ankles. Next time I flew they told me to take it off. Apparently I might have been hiding something in it or behind it, a garrote maybe? Terrorists are c***s.  


I love Inverness airport, but when two flights arrive in quick time, this happens.

IMG_0525.jpg
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16 minutes ago, Savage Henry said:

 


I love Inverness airport, but when two flights arrive in quick time, this happens.

 

Aye, it can get a bit manic at lunchtime in departures too when you can get 3 or 4 flights close together. Doesn't help with some queuing up for security way too early for later flights. Normally I leave home in Inverness about 75 minutes before a flight but make it a bit earlier for midday.

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If there’s a discussion about airlines, rather than just Embra airport, then my tuppenceworth is that I’ve flown with Southwest Airlines a lot in the USA, and have, without exception, found their staff to be the friendliest, cheeriest, and most helpful airline staff I’ve ever encountered.

I bet though, like Arnold Clark cars, lots of folk will have said online that they’re shite. 😀

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1 minute ago, Hampden Diehard said:

I was in Toulouse a few weeks back, a city of about one million people. The passport check at their airport is slower than a week in the jail. Utter chaos and the place wasn't busy at all.

Getting ready for Brexit probably, just without the rubber gloves.

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